Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 06:27
This is the first of two posts about porn use. The first is to shed light on why your partner is having so much trouble getting past your porn use. The second, which will be written much later (Jan '14??) will be about what couples can do to help heal their relationships after porn use has pulled their relationships apart.
First, What is Porn?
To quote the Supreme Court, “I know it when I see it.” If your wife thinks it’s porn, you need to consider her opinion, even if you don’t agree. The issue is whether or not she’s distressed by it…so don’t get into an argument about whether or not something you’ve been viewing is all that bad.
So, why does porn hurt so much? I’ve been dealing with this issue with a number of my couples recently. Here’s a synopsis of what some women have told me: >>> Read more >>>
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Tue, 01/22/2013 - 13:39
You know that exercise is good for you, right? But do you know why? It's not just that you feel better (though you do, once you get a routine going) but that exercise actually changes your brain and "turns it on." Dr. John Ratey, who knows a great deal about the science behind this topic, explains the connection between exercise, learning, attention and more in this TEDx talk. It's definitely worth a few minutes of your time! And it's very relevant for couples. Want to create new habits? If you are both exercising you improve your ability to succeed at a very physical level.
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 01/17/2013 - 20:57
Yes, that sounds like a sales pitch...but it's not. Happiness is good for our brains and good for handling stress better - in marriages, if you are feeling upbeat you are more likely to be able to take some bumps in the road. If you're feeling down, pretty much everything seems grim. Here's a link to a UTube TED talk on happiness that will not only make you laugh out loud, it also has a very important message about happiness. I urge you to watch it...and also to try two exercises. Some of my clients have done these and all but one have found it helpful in diminishing their struggle. First, take 2-3 minutes a day to write down three new things about which you are grateful. These don't have to be about your relationship - anything at all for which you are grateful. Then, take 5 more minutes (or more if you like) and journal about one of those things in a positive way. Do this for three weeks straight and see what happens. I think you'll like the results. (For more tips, see the video...!)
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:54
This guest blog post has been provided by Hal Meyer and Susan Lasky of the ADD Resource Center.
You fell in love with his boyish enthusiasm, adventuresome spirit and easy-going charm. Now you are frustrated that he decides to go skiing instead of shoveling the snow off the walkway, or forgets to take the children to the dentist. You were fascinated by her many interests, creativity and “enjoy the moment” approach to life. Now you are fed up with the clutter of her incomplete projects, and annoyed by her indifference to planning meals and shopping. It is easier to love someone with ADHD than it is to live with them. >>> Read more >>>
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Tue, 01/08/2013 - 17:33
Want to learn more about ADHD - ADDitude Magazine has an excellent free series of webinars with experts. This month's adult ADHD topics include: staying on task; managing adult ADHD; improving your memory and information on alternative therapies. ALL are hot topics. In addition, you can listen to past webinar recordings, as well. Go to this link at ADDitude Magazine.
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Mon, 01/07/2013 - 16:36
On January 25 I will be giving a 1.5 hour talk for therapists through the therapist website GoodTherapy.org. It is free for members of that site and counts for 1.5 CE credits. To prepare for this, I wrote a blog post about why therapists should get involved in helping couples with ADHD. If you have a therapist you are working with whom you think might be interested in the talk please let them know about this event. Since it's only 1.5 hours long it will simply be an overview...but it's a start!