March 2010

     I want to mention a book that is full of fascinating information related to our modern world and attention; a treatment for ADHD that most people haven't heard of; and 3 centers that offer the best, most comprehensive treatment for ADHD (because I designed them!). >>> Read more >>>

I recently finished reading a book by William Ury, "Getting Past No:  Negotiating in Difficult Situations".  This is not a new book (originally published in 1991), but the subject matter is timeless, and is applicable in all aspects of life.  Although my purpose when I purchased this book had nothing to do with ADHD, I was simultaneously amused and astonished at how much of the material that the author covers is exactly what I figured out in adressing issues with my ADHD spouse when we were having serious problems.
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     One of the major points my wife, Sue, and I stress in our new book, Married to Distraction, is the critical element of time.  People take time for granted.  But without time, there is no attention, and with attention there is no communication or empathy, and without communication and empathy there is no connection, and without a connection there is no play, and without play there is no fulfilling intimacy, romance, or love.  We often say that play is the main action of love.  But it all depends upon the previous steps, starting with time >>> Read more >>>

I've been "away" from this forum for several weeks, coping with my ADHD spouse's annual Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) complications.  I had had high hopes for this year -- we had come up with carefully determined formula for taking his seasonal meds and using his light therapy and it seemed to be working great.  During years where he doesn't follow his program, we usually aren't talking to each other by the end of January.  This year we had a delightful start to the new year, and I was hoping that for the first time in 20 years, we would be able to hold onto the progress >>> Read more >>>

     We (Sue, Ned, Melissa) are excited and a tad anxious as we wait to see our books on the stands.  This is like bringing a new baby into the world.  We hope you all like our baby, MARRIED TO DISTRACTION: RESTORING INTIMACY AND STRENGTHENING YOUR MARRIAGE IN AN AGE OF DISTRACTION.  Let us know, ok?  Thanks!!!

One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes.  This is vexing because, as they say in AA, if nothing changes, nothing changes. 

Before the couple gets help, what usually develops is a process of mutual blame.  The minute a conflict arises, each member of the couple hunkers down in a self-protective, defensive posture that says, “It’s your fault, not mine.”  Soon the phrase gets added, “Why bother even trying?  This situation is hopeless.”  Each member of the couple feels isolated, lonely, misunderstood, angry, and at a loss for what to do next other than separate or simply muddle miserably on. >>> Read more >>>

When you and your spouse are first exploring whether or not ADHD has been a factor in your marriage it can seem both a relief (finally, a reason that explains so much!) and a bit overwhelming (ADHD seems to be everywhere!)  Some with ADHD resist thinking about how much ADHD can impact their relationship because it makes them feel "broken" or lessened.  I asked myself the other day - does it matter if you label it ADHD? >>> Read more >>>