NedHallowell's blog

Hi - Ned Hallowell here.  I wanted to post an entry about what I think works best in a marriage where one or both partners have ADHD.  The key to it all is insight and empathy.  Once you understand what's going on, then you have to work at really putting yourself in the shoes of the other person.  THIS IS DIFFICULT!!!  Everyone agrees that emapthy is important, but few people do the work to develop it.  It is amazing in how many marriages neither partner truly understands or feels what it's like to live the life of the other partner.  But, if you work at it, you can develop empathy and

One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes.  This is vexing because, as they say in AA, if nothing changes, nothing changes. 

Before the couple gets help, what usually develops is a process of mutual blame.  The minute a conflict arises, each member of the couple hunkers down in a self-protective, defensive posture that says, “It’s your fault, not mine.”  Soon the phrase gets added, “Why bother even trying?  This situation is hopeless.”  Each member of the couple feels isolated, lonely, misunderstood, angry, and at a loss for what to do next other than separate or simply muddle miserably on.