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Becoming a member of a team means demonstrating mutual respect, among other things.  If you made the grocery list for you, then that's great, and it obviously worked.  If you made the list for her and she rejected it, then consider it an experiment that didn't work and move on.  I don't know the details about how your wife threw the list away, or how it was presented to her in the first place, so can't comment on whether those interactions were respectful...

People's minds work differently, and certainly an organizational system that works for you may repel her - and that's okay.  In my household, my husband uses technology to organize himself (blackberry, computer, etc).  I am completely allergic to the use of technology as an organizational tool!  I spend too much time on the computer writing to want to then also incorporate it into other parts of my life...NO computer system will entice me to use it, no matter how good.

Perhaps we could have a conversation here about why it is important to you that your wife determine whether or not she has ADD?  Is she doing things that are putting your family at risk, or are irritating you to the point that your marriage is having problems?  Are you wishing that she had more interest in ADD because you are in the process of learning about it yourself and you would like to share the journey?  Are you afraid that she might be at very high risk for alcholism?  Do you simply feel out of step, and feel that this might bring you closer?

Put some thoughts down, if you wish, and the wonderful folks who read this forum will respond with ideas, support, etc.

Melissa Orlov