ADHD Partners - Driving Without Driving Each Other Crazy

ADHD Marriage: 

It is with some humor that I say that a very sensitive area of conflict for many couples is driving.  Most commonly, the conflict centers around the poor driving habits of an ADHD spouse (and why they can't/won't change them) and who is going to drive when.  There is more here than meets the eye, though, so I thought I would explore it a bit.  If you have conflicts over driving, read on!

The Obvious - Driving Issues are Real
First, let me say that it has been documented that people with ADHD are, on average, not as good at driving as their (on average) non-ADHD counterparts.  Since these are averages, it means that it may not be true for any individual couple, but in general if there is conflict around driving you should assume there are real issues, not just "some worries in the mind of the non-ADHD spouse".  Here is an overview of research statistics put forward in Russell Barkley's book, ADHD in Adults - What the Science Says:

In one study, ADHD adults are significantly more likely than non ADHD adults to:

  • Drive with a suspended license (29% ADHD vs. 10% community)
  • Be cited for speeding (56% vs. 35%)
  • Crash while driving (35% vs. 20%)
  • Have any DMV citation (79% vs. 47%)

(p. 363)

In another study, ADHD adults had these "adverse driving outcomes" (love that awkward terminology!)

  • License suspended / revoked 2+ times  (34% ADHD vs. 16% community)
  • Drove without a valid license (57% vs. 35%)
  • Cited for reckless driving (31% vs. 13%)
  • Involved in 2+ crashes (29% vs. 7%)

(p. 369)

There is also evidence that people with ADHD handle alcohol even less well than people without when it comes to driving and are more prone to road rage.

Lest those of you without ADHD get too smug here, there were no significant differences in the latter study for incidences of being cited for speeding, being cited for DUI, or for being in only one accident.

Nonetheless, in general, people with ADHD are not as good at driving as their non-ADHD partners.

The Less Obvious - Control Issues
Underlying conflicts about the logistics of driving are the more insidious issues of control and vulnerability.  Many conflicts in ADHD-affected relationships are really around who is in charge of your life.  The non-ADHD spouse resents the millions of ways the ADHD symptoms impinge upon her life (more chores, less money, less affection, etc.) and the fact that her husband doesn't drive more responsibly is yet one more example of how his habits and symptoms affect her.  In this case, his driving increases her physical danger. 

For him, the control issues go in reverse.  She is constantly telling him how to live his life and communicating that he's not doing well enough.  He feels as if his life isn't his own.  Why should he drive differently?!  She can either "shut up or drive herself".

Driving becomes the ultimate place to play out this conflict.  The driver has complete and total control.  The passengers are vulnerable and powerless.  They can't just "walk away" from a speeding car as they might be able to do from a conversation that gets out of hand.  As a result, feelings of vulnerability around driving can make being a passenger exceptionally uncomfortable.

What do Do
There are several things going on at once in the driving conflict and detangling them can help you find a solution that works.  These are:

  • Safety issues
  • Control issues
  • Symbolic resonance

The statistics on ADHD drivers indicate that the safety fears of the non-ADHD spouse are legitimate and should be addressed.  I suggest making the following "driving safety rules" to which BOTH drivers will adhere, or something like them:

  • Set a maximum speed for highway driving that both spouses can live with
  • Set a maximum speed for in-town driving, such as the speed limit or 5 mph over it
  • Don't drive on a revoked license
  • Eliminate distractions - the driver should never talk on the cell phone, fiddle with the navigation system or read a newspaper while driving. The passenger can do this stuff or you can pull off the road.
  • Trade off being the designated driver when you might be taking a drink. No one should be driving drunk, and particularly people with ADHD shouldn't be doing so.
  • No tailgating

Setting and abiding by these basic safety rules means, in my mind, that the person in the passenger seat needs to control his or her desire to comment on the driving.  This might be hard to do, at first, but it's worth it.  Controlling nagging, snide comments and foot stomping (when you "slam" on the brakes on the passenger side of the car!) is a good reinforcement for the driver's good habits.  A non-ADHD spouse may be indignant at the idea that she needs to think about reinforcing good driving behavior, but remember that the ADHD spouse is coming from a different place from you.  It feels good to drive fast (very stimulating) and it doesn't bother him.  He's controlling it for you, and (if your kids are in the car) your family.  Show your appreciation of this.

Once you get past basic safety, then you move into control.  You may not like that your spouse changes lanes at the last minute right before the toll booth.  You can even make an argument that it's unsafe to do so.  But you aren't likely to get killed by it, unlike when you crash going 85.  Pick your battles and understand that it's not just about driving, it's also about autonomy and control.  Part of being in a partnership is respecting who each of you is - each person gives and takes.  He drives more safely for you on the important stuff.  You hold your tongue on the less important stuff.  (Sometimes, sitting on your hands helps, too!)

I know of at least two couples where the ADHD spouse's slow driving in residential areas cause friction.  The reasons these two men drive slowly are actually quite different.  One wants to save gas by not constantly speeding up and braking.  The other thinks there is a lot going on and he wants to make sure he sees everything and doesn't end up hitting someone or something.  Both are obviously legitimate reasons.  If your spouse drives too slowly sometimes, talk about the reasons why.  If it's a processing issue (lots going on), then he's likely to be a safer driver at the slower speed...an no one wants to hit a small child by mistake.  In the gas saving example, I view that as a good example of being autonomous.  This person happens to be my husband, and I've concluded that if he feels it's important to save gas, that's just as legitimate as my need to feel as if we're getting there faster.  When I drive, I drive the speed I want to and he doesn't complain, either.

Symbolic Resonance
If I suggest that couples consider that the non-ADHD partner take over more than her fair share of the driving I will, always, get someone who responds something like this:  "I'm tired of doing stuff for him!  Why should I have to take on one more thing because he doesn't feel like doing better?  I'm tired, too, and just want to knit for a while!"

This response is one that comes from the exhaustion and resentment of dealing with the overwhelming nature of ADHD.  Though it might be fine to drive any given trip, it's the thought that you have to add one more thing to your "to do" list that irks.  There is no consideration of who is the more tired, or the more competent at that moment.

I like to think of the "symbolism issue" as representative of both lack of control and lack of hope.  Lack of control sounds like this for the non-ADHD spouse:  "I'm tired of his imposing his ADHD symptoms and issues on my life and feeling as if I have no control" and "I'm tired of having her dictate what I should do all the time - I feel as if I have no control" for the ADHD spouse.  Lack of hope sounds like this:  "It's just one more example of why things will never change" (non-ADHD spouse) and "I'll never be good enough for her - why should I keep trying?" (ADHD spouse).

Being aware of the symbolic nature of your conversations is the first step in moving past old resentments and back towards the more solvable issues, such as safety and control.  Once you address the solvable issues, you can then start to move past the symbolic ones.

Taking the approach I've outlined above can help you navigate this complex web of safety, control and symbolic issues swirling around driving together.  To reiterate:

  • Agree to safety rules that apply to you both
  • Once the rules are in place and being followed, accept that the driver is in control in a way that no longer threatens you and cede control to the person who really has it (stop negative comments)
  • Move past symbolism by ticking this one off as "fixed". Don't continue to use it as a reason things will never work. In fact, consider using it as an example of ways to navigate future complex problems

If you continue to have conflict around driving, then 1.)  find a counselor and talk about control issues and behaviors and 2.)  check to make sure that ADHD  treatments are as good as they can be.  It probably won't be the logistics of driving skill that are at the root of the problem.

Comments

I relate

I think most of my anger stems from this driving issue.I some time can not believe,just how stupid this really gets!

We will set up terms and boundaries for his driving, he will agree to them, we set off in the car...and no sooner have we driven off,he breaks the "rules"...why cant he remember?Does he remember and defiantly break the "rules"?

I tell him its imperative that he drive by the conditions I lay out... as a passenger I am afraid for my life when he drives.I tell him this is not a fair situation to put me or any one in this position...he agrees,says he will try harder...then he does it again!!!..drives too fast,does not signal,fiddles with nobs and dials,drives too slow,goes through stops signs...ect.

Every family member I have will not get in the car,if he's driving,for all know just what a bad driver he is, yet he will constantly defend himself and his driving.

I ask are we all wrong and you are right about your driving???

fustrated yes.

Dangerous Driving with ADD partners

My husband has rear ended numerous drivers over and over from his tail gaiting.  He got a new company car and had 2 accidents with it in 4 weeks.  A few years back I fell asleep in the passenger seat while he was driving us home from the Cape.  He was texting while driving and we ended up in a 3 car pile up on Route 3.  The car was totaled and my foot was broken and I was in a cast for 3 months.  Even after all of that he continues to tail gate and have his little road rage fits.  This creates a lot of stress when I am in the car and he refuses to let me drive or when I do drive he is giving me instructions the whole time.  I have asked that he not touch any devises while he is driving when I am in the car.  That when he is alone he can do what he wants, but if I am in the car no devises.  He starts out with them sitting in a cup holder.  Then he moves the devises between his legs on the seat, then picks them up at red lights.  I said you broke my foot and now when I ask you to stop, you play this mind F with the devises.  After being injured you can imagine the stress and anxiety I have when driving with him.  What kind of a man, after seriously injuring his wife, continues these behaviors with her in the car?  What kind of a man does not want to protect his wife and family from injury? 

Is this abuse?

Dear TULA13

Gosh, I realized that your post was in 2010.  But, I am going to reply anyway, because I can tell that you are younger.  Also, what I have discovered might help.  I was rather alarmed at the driving predicament you have faced with your ADHD-er. Under another post I explained that I gave my spouse a choice.  If he insisted on driving, he could take a separate car.  Otherwise, I would do the driving. He has opted for me doing the driving.  But, he tried overand overto change back.  I had to really be strong and stick to my plan. This is working well for us, because I am no longer tormented as he drives. i no longer try to preserve that memory of the dating romantic thing that we had in the beginning for going out at night.He and I are getting older so we are now in that crowd that has women driving their mates as standard.  Deafness, poor eyesight, cognition problems take over.  The adult children or adult children's friends start driving us.  At a certain time you stop buying into the media pictures and realize that you do NOT let an insistent, terrible driver who is a grandparent drive the grandchildren ANYWHERE!!!!Particularly, on these roads of accelerated speed limits. (Also, a father).

As to your question is the fact that he drives carelessly after your broken ankle caused by his texting on the road abuse?  Here's how I view that:  I have had to accept that the ADHD-ers have brains that cause them to live in dysfunction with those around them, as well as themselves.  Some will decide that they want to accept the feedback of those around them and will take measures to change. (Medication, cognitive therapy, behavior modification). Others will live in denial and resist change.  If they are the latter, they are not committing to getting healthier and that will affect others horribly.  It is similar to the alcoholic who will not stop drinking.  It's pretty hard core stuff.  The result is that it will FEEL abusive to you and that's what counts. The driving is a tip off that other areas of their life which intersect with yours are not being handled properly. As such, like it or not, there's no waiting game here when you have to protect your life and the life of your children.  You have to get very business like and take over the parts which he is not managing.  You also have to protect areas where you are functioning.  Because systems are resistant to change, you as part of the system will need to find you the best therapist (seasoned) that you can to do your part to effect this change.

 

Less Stress about Driving

I decided that I would not engage in the power plays that go with the driving one night.  We had to go to a much anticipated party out.  (Neither of us drink).  But, I could tell that my spouse was "off".  Until then, he thought I would let him drive no matter what.  Finally, I really had a break through.  I told him that if he wanted to drive ,we would take two separate cars.  If he wanted to go with me, I would be doing the driving.  He decided that he wanted me to drive. (I think that the fact i looked really good for the party, was also a factor:).This in turn lowered my stress.  He tried on several occasions to have us revert back to the old way.  But, I had had it.  I had too much awareness that things would not change. Other family members were aware of his bad driving, also.  So, they took a page from the book and followed it.  

 

Less Stress about Driving

I decided that I would not engage in the power plays that go with the driving one night.  We had to go to a much anticipated party out.  (Neither of us drink).  But, I could tell that my spouse was "off".  Until then, he thought I would let him drive no matter what.  Finally, I really had a break through.  I told him that if he wanted to drive ,we would take two separate cars.  If he wanted to go with me, I would be doing the driving.  He decided that he wanted me to drive. (I think that the fact i looked really good for the party, was also a factor:).This in turn lowered my stress.  He tried on several occasions to have us revert back to the old way.  But, I had had it.  I had too much awareness that things would not change. Other family members were aware of his bad driving, also.  So, they took a page from the book and followed it.  

 

I thought I was imagining it

Wow... "She can either "shut up or drive herself".'  He tells me that all the time when we get into about driving... that acutally made me smile a bit. It's so nice to know this is "normal"

kmschrey's picture

ADHD and driving

I thought I was crazy being afraid when my partner is behind the wheel.  Besides the issues listed in the article, the thing that really makes me fearful is roaring up to STOP signs, red lights and other cars, then slamming on the brakes.  I hold my breath because I don't know for sure he has seen the light, STOP sign, other car.  He goes through red lights and STOP signs with frightening regularity.  I am really tense and stressed when we drive together -- I know the solution is for me to drive, but he likes to drive and can be resistant to the idea of me driving.  Lots of stress when he he is constantly telling me how to drive. 

I will try the negotiation, but I have found, over the years (30 of them!) that negotiation just leaves me angry and disappointed because he either forgets what we have agreed upon or just doesn't do it.  I always thought he was passive aggressive.  His ADHD diagnosis is new, so many things are now making sense.

men v women

from an insurance site:  http://www.crashstuff.com/men-versus-women-drivers-car-accidents-statist...

violations for which men scored at least 50 percent higher than women:
TYPE OF VIOLATION RATIO M:F
reckless driving 3.41
DUI 3.09
seatbelt violations 3.08
speeding 1.75
failure to yield 1.54
stop sign/signal violation 1.53
some researchers believe the explanation is to be found hormones related to aggessiveness, others put more emphasis on data such as the measurebly greater alcohol use among men while driving.
so Are Women Better Drivers Than Men?
many auto insurance industry experts would agree with the theory that men, especially young men, tend to drive more aggressively than women and display their aggression in a direct manner, rather than indirectly. Furthermore, as a rule of thumb, male drivers are more likely than women to break the law, and the male of the species tends to be more of a risk-taker.

My only purpose here is to suggest that as interesting as the above stats are, the stats of men v women may explain this as well. I guess it goes to show  how one can use stats to prove just about anything....just saying...

since the vast majority of the posters on this site are non-ADHD women spouses, might it not be better to attribute this "problem" to their being male v ADHD?  A little critical thinking here - please?
 

norcalgal1's picture

I Agree But

I am in no way an expert on this but (and I could be wrong). Aren't some of the earmarks of ADHD, distraction and volatile tempers?

Yes, I agree. Men are lousy drivers and that needs to be taken into consideration but add to it...

so much like my hubby

This sounds exactly like my husband.  I am always stressed out when he drives.  Unfortunately I don't have a license since recently moving to the UK and my US license expired, so he has to do all the driving at the moment.  I never feel like he sees that the cars ahead of us have their brake lights on... he just keeps gaining on them at the same fast speed.  I wait as long as I can before finally calling out "They're STopping ahead"... I grab onto something and brace for the collision...he slams on the brakes...  fortunately we have not had a crash with me in the car yet, but last year he had 2 collisions on his own and 4 speeding tickets.  Our car insurance is outrageous.  He gets really angry that I said something and tells me off but I can't just sit there and wait until he crashes into the cars ahead of us.  He is another one who forgets what we have agreed upon in advance...he seems to like danger and cutting things really close...near misses, etc.  He will take off down the driveway with the windshield entirely frosted over on a winter morning... he won't defrost the windshield first...  he says it will defrost while he is driving down the road...   meanwhile he cannot see the road ahead... I sit  there and scream and even cry but that just makes him more angry.  I've discussed it with him every year as winter approaches and he agrees that this winter will be different, but it never is... I'm still screaming and bracing myself for a crash everywhere we go.

This happened to me just last night---

My husband broke his ankle, so I've been the only functional driver in the family for the last month. It's killing him. Just last night on a dark street, a car pulled out in front of me without signalling or looking, and I had to slap on the brakes. Even the kids in the back seat said, "Jeez, that was dumb!" of the other driver. However, my husband, clenching his door handle said, "God, I hate riding with you! You're such a lousy driver!"

I asked him how someone else's failure to pay attention made me a bad driver. No answer.

And we're not mentioning, apparently, how the back end of my car got dented the last time he took it out (New Years Eve when he blew off the family party and went out with his guy friends). I still haven't heard the story on that one, but at least he hasn't tried to blame it on me. I'm not allowed to ask for details, however, and he hasn't put in an insurance claim. Or the time a month before that he called me from an intersection where he and someone else had collided, can I please go get our son because he's now too busy dealing with this issue. But I'm the lousy driver.

The paragraph you wrote, Melissa, about what this kind of episode symbolizes is important. I didn't realize how hopeless I feel. The simplest thing turns into a struggle, and his crazymaking behavior makes me feel (and begin to believe) that I'm just not adequate and I never will be. Then I act out in crazy ways, trying to get him to admit I'm not as incompetent as he tells me I am. So sad...

blueroses4me's picture

His "driving" DRIVES me crazy!

And yes, I too, have ADHD so I know mine drives him nuts also. But my problem with his driving goes much further. My husband is an over-the-road truck driver, who thinks he is still driving this massive truck when behind the wheel.  He often gets annoyed at rude drivers and tries to pass them just to show  he's in "control." I tell him not only does this show he's NOT IN CONTROL, he putting my life and our kid's live in serious jeopardy. He denies "trying to pass" for control reasons and then the repetitious arguing begins..."yes, you were driving irrational...," then of course he shouts, "No, I wasn't..."

On the other hand, when I'm driving, I'm told to "turn here...", "stay behind the bold white line...", (he made a perfect score on his commercial driving test so no one else knows anything) and "why didn't you go, it was a yellow light, not red...".  And then there's the knuckles "tapping" on the window when I should turn, the "drumming" of the fingers, the sighs, and the list goes on.  I've gotten to where I turn the radio up just so I won't have to hear him!  It's exhausting just writing about it.

To top that off, throw in our two kids, who also have ADHD, and we look like the "Griswalls" from Lampoons Family Vacation!

When we mention this to one another, we do laugh and that does ease the situation (my husband does love to laugh--thank-goodness) but I still know we have a long ways to go to reach "harmony" together--in the car and out of the car. 

I did shut up... and drive

Well there it was... the day I stopped "shut up" and took the wheel. On the way to work he, my ADHD spouse was driving (because its a "man" thing, to drive the wife) anyway... as usual his driving was not only scaring me to death, it was making me angry before work...never good!

In the middle of the intersection at a red he stopped and said... if you don't like my driving then you drive! That's when it happened, I got out of the passenger side walked to the driver and took over. Of course he was shocked, but ever since then I have been in the driver seat...and guess what? Its working... no more fights, no more fear, and he can look around and be distracted all he wants and no one worries!

The "man thing" will just have to take the back seat.

I did Shut up and drive

I also did the Shut up and drive! But then he couldn't shut up he was constantly telling me I was to fast, to close, etc.

The reason I took over the driving was because he would start falling asleep! And then usually say he wasn't, I couldn't relax on my side of the car at all because he might actually fall asleep and go in the other lane or the ditch.Not worth it with kids in the car, took many years before I took over the "man thing"though. There was also the looking around when driving instead of where he was driving. Directions were seldom heard (even with GPS he would miss turns).

My husband frustrates and embarasses me

I hate driving with my husband who has ADHD. If he does something wrong he blames the other driver, If the other driver does something wrong he flails his arms around and curses at them. Even if it is an honest mistake. He complains about everything almost the entire time he's driving, and is impulsive with some activities that are going on around him while he is driving. Such as, honking the horn, shouting out the window, waving wildly at people he doesn't know. It is sooo humiliating to me that I duck down in the seat and hide my face, and honestly get anxiety over his behavior. Does anyone else have similar occurrences with their spouse?

Yes, all the time!  Just

Yes, all the time!  Just remember he is more of an embarassment to himself than he is to you!

Yours too?

Sounds like you have driven with my husband!  Especially the part about blaming others for his poor driving.  The nerve of the police stopping him! The audacity of the red light camera snapping him..etc.  I can't tell you how many times he has been pulled over for suspicion of drunk driving.  He is totally sober, just eating, shaving, reading a book, counting money, texting, etc., and gets mad that he just can't be left alone to do these things while careening down the highway at 55 mph+ !  Also get the arm flailing thing and that just drives me nuts!  Thanks for the laugh, even though their is really nothing funny about this, it was such a relief and validation that this just isn't my private driving hell.  

Mine was actually arrested for DWI

Driving down the road to work, totally sober at 8:30 in the morning. He sped up to pass a truck and got the blue lights, and a ticket for speeding. But my husband has what is described as a benign tremor as a side effect of his Concerta so the cop decided he was under the influence of drugs, namely Wellbutrin, which is not on the list of impairing substances in our state (nor should it be). He's still facing court charges for that and if he's convicted he'll lose his job. The cop told my husband's public defender he has researched it and found out the drug is not on the list of impairing substances and he talked to my husband for hours during the process, so he knows he wasn't impaired. We find these stories funny but not if my husband would lose his career because of it.

Husband finally cleared of DWI Yeah!!

Some good news in the midst of all this doom and gloom...

My husband's charges for DWI were dropped! Hooraay!!!

As I posted above, he was charged with DWI when he told the highway patrolman he was taking Wellbutrin and Concerta for ADHD. (They made his hands shake.) This was in October of 2009 and it took until last week to get it cleared. Fortunately, he qualified for a public defender, so it didn't cost him financially. But he lost like 9 vacation days and he had to live with the fact that, if he had been convicted, he would have lost his driver's license and his career.

I'm no apologist for ADHD but I just think it was so unfair that he had to go through this. He isn't taking the same meds and his hands no longer shake. But I feel that the meds he takes now are not as effective in treating the ADD symptoms.

Road rage!

My husband has serious anger management issues in the car. It's like he becomes another person-screaming, swearing, gesturing and the like. He's not a big man and I'm terrified that someone will take him up on his "offers" to fight or even come back and try to run us off the road or shoot us. I'm never afraid of him hurting me but the anger takes over and if I protest, he will yell at me to "shut up." He is undiagnosed ADHD now but he definately shows many of the classic symptoms including the speeding violations and fender benders. He honks at slow drivers, fast drivers-you can't win if you drive around him. He tailgates, drives really close to objects without hitting them, speeds and all of this can cause me road anxiety. I can relate to these stories, man can I:(

road rage - yes!

wow adhd sweetheart. You have totally described my husband!!  unbelievable.  The interesting part is that I am the one with ADHD and he is not!  I guess I never equated road rage with ADHD-not sure what one has to do with the other?  Anyway, can really relate, and it makes me crazy (even it he doesn't have ADHD)

Russel Barkley says....

ADHDs should not drive without meds. I told my hubby this and he said, what I've been driving 27 years without meds(recent diagnosis) I responded with "27 years accident free?"

Driving

That's one thing that works for us - I (non-ADHD wife) do almost all the driving all the time, and I love it.  It's weird though, how there remains a gender bias, and we still get the odd look when he doesn't slide behind the wheel.  He is a good navigator and talker about roadside sites as I keep my eyes on the road & other drivers!

Rules of his road

A few weeks ago, my ADD husband pulled out in front of a car that had the right of way. The intersection was congested and I was watching for a spot to ease into but then he sees this car slowing down and decides to pull out in front of it. The car was headed for my side and you can bet I got a bit nervous, braced myself and stammered "wait, what ah, oh, no you should not be..." I can't believe that driver (who clearly had the right of way) didn't lay on the horn! Well you know he started yelling "Don't you tell me how to drive! I know damn well what I'm doing!" etc. etc... I was holding my ground and told him anyone who knew anything about the rules of the road would say that was a bad move! What? He didn't see the car coming right at me!? Shook me up!

Now, I'm in the driver's seat and actually, I'm not even driving. We're stuck in a crowded parking lot. People are coming and going and it's very congested so we're just sitting there and he decides to get angry and snarl that I'm too close to the car in front of me. Are you serious? Is this a real problem? Is someone in danger? Is there a legal limit to the space allowed between cars in this situation? Well you know, I had to tell him he can't tell me how to drive, so now I've really pissed him off and he says that's why I have dents on my car (What? You mean the dents from when my car was parked in the bad neighborhood I was thankful to have a part time job in since you completely ruined our finances?) He always likes to have the last word by telling me I've got some kind of problem as he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. You know he's right, there's no double standard on his road, it is okay to pull me out in front of a moving vehicle but not okay for me to be sitting "too close" to the car in front of me! How do you talk someone into seeing the sense of that! Ridiculous!

Okay, sorry, I've posted one too many times about this but it's just got me going . . .

Driving and not nuts.

My solution - you drive your car, I'll drive mine, I'll meet you there.

norcalgal1's picture

There is a reason that I drive myself....

I am new to this site and also new to knowing I am married to someone with ADD. This is just one more thing that I can relate to.

Recently, our BART (subway) employee's union went on strike. I had to rely upon my husband for a ride. I never understood why he would be going 20 mph faster than the other cars that are at a standstill. I made to work alive and shaken.

My husband has been in numerous accidents, most not involving anything serious. When I confront him about his driving, he tells me he's driving defensively. I don't have to be a college professor to know that his driving is just plain dangerous. When I am in the car, I don't tolerate his being distracted by radio settings, eating or road rage. There have been times when I contemplated jumping out at the next red light.

I have my own car and I prefer to drive when the family is in the car. Thanks for the statistics.