Anger and abuse in ADHD & Aspergers Syndrome

When I was diagnosed last year as an adult male 51 years old with ADHD I thought at last I have an explanation for what I have been going through and inflicting on others. I dutifully took medication that turned me into a zombie but I found that work wise I was not doing well at all and stopped the meds. My behaviour in terms of frustration and anger had changed and I was less partial to meltdown with the meds.

I always thought something was missing in the puzzle and finally got diagnosed this year with Apsergers Syndrome and discovered that I also have Dyscalculia. This explains now everything to me and I feel almost delivered from this invisible hell. What does worry me though is that many of the non ADHD spouses relating their problems and experiences with their ADHD partner in these forum topics sound like they could be also dealing with someone with Aspergers Syndrome; especially when I read about the anger and abuse meltdowns, obsessing about various subjects and more so when spouses here complain of the lack of sensitivity and emotional isolation that they feel it is no wonder the spouses need therapy after all the suffering in these scenarios.

Could Dr Hallowell and Mellissa please advise their thoughts on this? I am only too happy to provide more info if needed. I would also like to say a very heartfelt thankyou to Dr Hallowell and Mellissa for all your ongoing advice and help - please keep it up!

Forums: 

ADD and Aspbergers

When my husband was diagnosed with ADD, I sought marriage counseling. The counselor we were matched up with had no particular expertise in ADD but she helped with a lot of problems with our marriage. She was the one who got my husband to go out and apply for jobs. The only reason we are still married today is because he is now working. She thought my husband has Aspberger's, but said the evaluation for it cost over $150, and with him not working, that was never possible. The counselor we go to now says it doesn't matter, the therapy for both is the same. Both of these ladies were interns, not experts. But we can't afford experts.

I can see the parallels. My mother-in-law's roomate's brother has Aspberger's, and he lives with them.  Apparently, he doesn't see it as odd that they work, or did, and he gets to stay home and play videogames. The only difference I can see is that, with Aspberger's, the hyperfocus doesn't change constantly like it does with ADD folks. My husband didn't seem to think it was odd that he got to stay home and NOT EVEN CLEAN THE HOUSE or try to get a job while I worked 13 hours a day. I think the Aspberger's guy's parents, and I, were enablers for not going by the Bible verse, "he who does not work, let him not eat." Once my husband understood that the marriage was over if he continued to act like he was above working, he got a job, then a better one that he loves.

Is it worthwhile to pursue the testing for Aspberger's? Is there treatment for it that might make him understand how his ADD (or whatever) affects me as well as him? Can someone have both? I'm pretty clear that my husband is ADD. But he's not angry, and hardly ever "melts down."

ADD & Aspergers Syndrome

If you think Aspergers is a possibility then doing the testing is a must; but only when you can comfortably afford it. A diagnosis is a big relief and helps explain a lot. It also helps the spouse as they can be terribly pyschologically harmed by living with a person with it and quite often will need urgent help. To my knowledge there is no treatment for Aspergers but other conditions might co-exist that can be treated.