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GMH: Gross Marital Happiness

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Tue, 02/19/2008 - 09:14

The country of Bhutan has set its goal for development as "Gross National Happiness" rather than "GNP".  This got me thinking - what would happen if your goal for your marriage was GMH - Gross Marital Happiness?  Bhutan guides its development ideas with "four pillars of Gross National Happiness".  They are sustainable development, environmental protection, cultural preservation, and good governance.  What would be the pillars of GMH?

Would they be "respectful communication" or "acceptance and patience"?  Perhaps "sustainable intimacy"?!  Sustainable romance?

I'm genuinely interested in your thoughts.  What do you think the elements of sustainable happiness might be in a marriage?  Post your comments and let us know!

Comments

It's all about respect

by Kathryn - 02/19/2008 - 11:49

Interesting comparison and having myself actually studied and helped to promote the country of Bhutan, many years ago though my work, I can tell you they are a very smart, thoughtful and dedicated country of people. Having said that, I think the core elements of "sustainable happiness" would vary greatly depending on each person's relationship and personal needs. However, I feel strongly that the one overriding component is respect. For me, respect is critical - not just respectful communication but respect in general. If you're providing your partner with respect aren't you in turn treating them with kindness and patience and showing them that you accept them for who they are - separate from the relationship? Respect is necessary in everything we do to create a healthy and happy environment. It's necessary in raising children, sharing intimacy and running a successful hosehold. If someone were providing you with respect, doesn't it mean that they would be in short saying that the other person's time and opinion matter? If someone were being treated respectfully I don't imagine that the scenario would include yelling and screaming or inconsideration. So for me respect is at the foundation of a healthy, happy relationship. Respect is where it's at and it would create a safe and comfortable enviroment for more.

Sense of humor and playfulness

by Anonymous - 02/20/2008 - 08:10

I think one of the pillars of GMH should be "maintaining a sense of humor and playfulness." ADD affected families especially benefit from lightening up and not taking themselves and the world around them too seriously. I'm thankful for the shared jokes and laughter that pass between my husband, myself, and my children on a daily basis.

Gross Marital Happiness

by asay - 02/24/2008 - 23:23

I really appreciated the comment about humor and lightnening up. This is really hard for me as I am constantly trying to get everything in order and am learning that I need to enjoy relaxation along the way. Today is Sunday and in the past have pushed myself too far with church, family, and working every third weekend. I was not working today, but went upstairs after church to have some of my own down time and was hit with major anxiety. I struggled with it for a coulpe of hours. When my husband got home and was reading and resting in bed, I went up to talk to him for a few minutes. Then our 2 daughters came up to our room and pounced on our bed. (the dog was trying to help with the dog-pile as well). They are almost 16 and 24 and were holding their mother's (me) face weird and having me say weird things. I was a sport and went along with being goofy or silly. It really ended up being fun and I was laughing at how they were being so easily amused. We all had some good laughs and the anxiety subsided. It really taught me a really good lesson of how I need to not take myself so seriously and my husband would enjoy it more as well. I am one of those ADHD women who thinks they cannot enjoy themselves until "the work is done." It is a not so health model passed down from my mother and she probably got it from her mother. It has taken 3 years with a therapist to learn we need to play along the way as well as work. I also take time to practice piano 1 to 2 hours a day and love it. For some of us, it takes effort mentally or emotionally to make time to laugh and play, but we work better when we find a balance between them.

GMH

by John MacKenzie - 02/20/2008 - 11:57

I do not really like the concept of Gross Marital Happiness. The problem is not with pillars of a good marriage, becuase working on things like acceptance, respect, intimacy, and support are worthy goals to maintain a relationship. The reason I do not like the concept is because happiness is something that can only be attained on an individual basis. This can lead to blame in a realtionship if someone is not as happy as they think they should be.

GMH - How Do You Attain It?

by Robert Besaw - 02/23/2008 - 20:45

I'm by no means an expert on a subject like this, but my wife and I have evolved our relationship so much since we first met. What we find we have to do is spend time alone. Talking. Hanging out. Connecting like we did when we first met and dated. Everything else can be crumbling around us and we have our connection. It's what brought us together, kept us going, and sometimes kept us together. I remember when I first met her and how happy I was. It was almost euphoric. For months and months. It's this feeling that you want to hold onto. Children, family, work, house, bills, etc. all threaten to split you apart. Push you into a corner. This is when the connection reminds you aren't fighting this alone but it's a tag team event. Some of the things we do to remind us is we have pictures from when we first met on our screen savers, our walls, phones etc. Despite how we've transformed over the years it's the girl I met that I always remember when I close my eyes. That's GMH to me.

Robert's comment is so true

by Anonymous - 02/25/2008 - 12:25

Robert's comment is so true and touching. I'm going to dig out some of those old photos and place them in prominent places.

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