How to resolve a nagging issue that you've had for years
Submitted by Aspen on Mon, 02/13/2012 - 13:14
My husband drives me bonkers when it comes to taking care of the yard. For the first year of our marriage it wasn't an issue because our landlord took care of our yard promptly. I LOVED IT! I genuinely think Hubby never noticed.
During our second year of marriage we moved to a place with 100% more space for only 20% more money. Was a great move for us except for the yard issue. My husband had mentioned how much he hated the yard being his job at home (he was the only son), so we talked about the chances of this becoming an issue. He insisted it wouldn't be because the house was in the trees and there was very little yard to take care of...could all be done with a weed eater.
Well he was never taking care of the yard promptly, so he insisted what he needed was a push weed eater. It would make the weed eating much easier and would be sooo much better for his arms which always hurt after doing the weedeating......like he did it more than a couple times a year anyway. :eyeroll:
But fine, we bought a push weed eater to make it easier for him. He did the yard a negligible amount more with a negligible amount less of nagging. I was so angry he talked me into this purchase (and definitely was not the only one) with the promise that it would enable him to get something done easier and it did very little good to get this accomplished.
It was while we were living in this home that he got diagnosed.....about 4.5 years ago, and he spent at least a year grieving over the diagnosis and not doing an appreciable amount more of ANYTHING, so I am trying to remember how much better he got at the yard after the end of his grieving period,. I guess he was better with it but we moved 3 years ago, so it wasn't good for very much time before we moved again.
Due to some other goals we had, we needed to move to a more expensive area. My brother ended up offering his house to rent for the price of his mortgage (which was also a similar price to what we could rent a 1 bedroom for here). Was a fabulous deal for us again.......40% more money to double our space again and live in the area we really needed to be in. But I almost vetoed the entire plan over the yard....it is that big of a deal to me.
We had MANY serious conversations about the yard issue and I made it clear that I am not longer willing to deal with this as an issue, and the yard here is MUCH bigger than our previous yards......it is about 2.5 acres which we both really wanted, but I was very concerned that he be willing to take care of it. He insisted it would be a non issue and he'd take care of it. He really really wanted to live here, as did I, and the deal was fabulous, so we moved.
Now my brother had a deal with my father (who lives nearby) for my father to mow both yards, and my husband was up front with his hope that he'd be able to make a similar deal. I told him I didn't care what deal he made, but that my bottom line was that our yard be taken care of promptly when needed, regardless of what that required of him and he agreed.
My father does indeed mow both yards (some of you might remember this as I have posted before about the issue) and my husband's part of the deal is to weed eat both yards. This takes him a max of about 3 hours once every 2-3 weeks from about April-the first freeze in December. It is very little work for him to get our entire yard mowed, but the kicker for me is HE DOES NOT DO HIS PART PROMPTLY!! AND he *needed* a newer bigger weed eater to do this job too......uh huh.
This shouldn't even be an issue this time of year, but we've had such a mild winter that really it has needed to be done again for at least a month-6 weeks and hubby just won't do it. It is hard to get him to take care of the yards, and it generally involves me getting really irritated before he'll do it. Sometimes he has even done OURS to get me off his back and then NOT DONE MY PARENTS. I mean what the heck!??!?!?!
Part of the issue is that he doesn't really notice the yard when he drives in, then he comes in the house and since he HATES HATES HATES the sun, he has all the curtains and shades pulled like it is a cave in here (then he naturally wants to turn every light on......again wth?!?!), so he never really has the opportunity to notice the outside if he is trying to avoid it, which he always is.
I have told him for at least 3 months now that our bushes in the front need trimming. My father has said he can use his electric or gas powered sheers, but hubby has done nothing. We had two trees that died and hubby did nothing about them for so long that my uncle brought his tractor over and pulled them out.........is HUMILIATING to me that my husband is not taking care of this stuff. Doesn't seem to bother him.
I took a good look outside today, and I am adamant this man WILL be taking care of our yard within the next week. It needs a good weed eating, straightening up of stuff that goes in the shed but he has the shed too full for it, hedge trimming, and just a general sprucing up. I want to plant a butterfly garden (which he is on board with) in the spring and thought about using that discussing to launch into this one. Also his parents want to come visit, and I will not sign off on that (his mother is a nightmare) until the things that need to be cared for her are cared for.
ANY IDEAS HOW I GET THIS ISSUE TAKEN CARE OF ONCE AND FOR ALL?!!? I cannot keep having the same source of argument and stress. And it needs to be resolved before the new season for weed eating begins--we have been through 2 springs and summers here and I am not having another one like those.
If you are nonADD, how do you get your husband to do his part around the house? Especially to keep his agreements when you vocalized a concern several times and he PROMISED it wouldn't be an issue. And if you are ADD, what would motivate you to keep an agreement you made, even if you find out later it is harder than you expected?!? Is there a point where you think, I do not like doing this but I promised so I will push through and do it? Cause that is what I keep expecting and not getting.
Last year I suggested he find someone to do the weed eating if it was too much trouble for him, but that he would have to pay for it out of his blow money because I would not use joint money to cover it. He isn't willing to do that though he IS willing to try to find someone to do it if I would pay for it out of joint funds which there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY NO HOW I will do that. Joint funds have bailed him out of stupidity too many times. This is an irritation for him or something that isn't his preference, but it is his commitment and I think he needs to start looking at it that way. He already has the WAY WAY WAY easier side of the deal as it is. He should be grateful.