Husband in total denial about ADHD
Submitted by lviolah on Mon, 02/11/2013 - 20:37
I know this is similar to other posts but I would still love some feedback from wiser married women who have found more success in managing their lives with ADHD
My husband and I just "celebrated" our 3rd anniversary. I put celebrated in quotations because is was basically a joyless event. We've been having major marital difficulties for at least 2 years, with things culminating in hiim moving out a week ago. As if that isn't stressful enough I am 4 1/2 months pregnant. I've been aware of my ADHD for a few years but have not done well in managing a treatment regimen. I'm on my third job in the last year and we just moved into a new house. There's a lot going on and I feel completely isolated.
The biggest frustration for me right now is that my husband doesn't recognize that all my struggles and issues could be caused by ADHD. He just says that I need to get my act together and that it's all a matter of will power. He has no interest in attending couples therapy, although he doesn't mind if I seek counseling. Basically he expects me to "fix" myself on my own, and if I don't he has told me he sees no reason to stay in the relationship. He also gets frustrated when I share any research I find because he feels that I waste my time "studying" instead of just "doing what it takes."
How do I do this on my own? I know that having a strong support network can be helpful but my relationship with my family is also very strained for other various reasons. My husband is a VERY private person and is uncomfortable with me sharing any of our struggles with my girlfriends. For example, a significant reason our relationship is so rocky right now is because he found out that I confided in a family member about our problems and he felt betrayed.
I love my husband so much and really truly want to make things work. How can I help him see that I am really truly trying to find help and repair our ragged relationship?