Hygiene Issues?
Submitted by Sueann on Mon, 04/06/2009 - 07:25
Does anyone else have hygiene issues with their ADD loved ones? When I met my husband at 40 years old most of his teeth had fallen out. (He's not diabetic.) He swore he brushed his teeth every day, but seemed surprised that I do it after every meal.
I pushed him to go ahead and get dentures, now I can't get him to clean them. I can't tell you how much of a turn-off it is to kiss him and get some of last night's dinner in my mouth.
My daughter, who I am convinced has ADD, but hasn't been diagnosed (her father is my first husband.) never brushed her teeth after the age a mom should be reminding her either, and now needs thousands of dollars worth of crowns, etc.
I can't get my husband to remember his deodorant either, and he picks dirty socks off the floor and wears them.
Anyway, I understand about personal boundries, but how do I get him to be cleaner? Or am I just supposed to put up with it, like I do everything else?
Comments
re: hygiene issues
by Anonymous - 04/06/2009 - 15:12
hygiene issues
by jc-fl - 04/07/2009 - 07:54
Finding this website has been so helpful to me! I have never had anyone to talk to about my husband of 10 years' ADD and the issues it causes in our relationship and his day to day life. I think it's hard for people who don't live with it to understand.
He was diagnosed as ADD and bipolar 8 years ago when our oldest child was a baby. He is on medication (when he remembers to take it) and one of our biggest problems is his lack of hygiene. I honestly never even thought it could be a part of his ADD, I just thought he was being lazy! He rarely remembers on his own to brush his teeth. I have literally seen people back up when he talks to them (me included) because of the smell. As of today I can tell he hasn't touched his toothbrush in 4 days. When I mention it to him he gets angry so I usually just let it go. It's not like I want to kiss him anyway! He is pretty good about remembering his deoderant as he always puts it on after he showers - thankfully he has gotten back into the habit of regular bathing. He would have no problem wearing the same stinky clothes two or three days in a row if I did not pick them up off the floor and bury them in the hamper under my own. (if he cannot see his clothes on top then he will not dig for them)
I have tried everything to "clean him up" but find it just impossible. It's become a source of embarrassment to me and our kids but it's completely unimportant to him. He just doesn't seem to care anymore. I don't know if it's more from the depression or the ADD. Either way his lack of hygiene has become a large problem in our home.
I, too have no suggestions but cannot tell you how good it feels to know that I'm not alone in this situation! Someone finally understands!! :)
Re: hygiene issues
by David - 04/07/2009 - 09:45
As a fellow with ADD; I wont go outside unless I've brushed and flossed...however, getting my 7 year old to brush is just as you've described.
Have you told him how bad it is?? This might be embarrassing, but it might work. People sometimes listen more to unfamiliars rather than family. Have two of your girlsfriends to pretend to talk loudly (within his earshot ) about his breath!
I'll wager he starts picking up his hygiene....
===============================================
Instant gratification takes too long.
- Carrie Fisher
Hygiene issues-Reply
by Sueann - 04/07/2009 - 09:52
I think my husband has lost at least one job because of this. He set the alarm wrong and didn't get up in time, went to work without a shower and got fired that day.
To make things worse, my husband has hyperhydrosis (he sweats too much). He can't help that. He has to put on special perscription deodorant, but only every other night. That makes it hard to get into the habit. He's gotten what we call "hygiene lectures" from several bosses, even ones that like him.
I absolutely do understand what you said. I wish someone knew how to make our guys remember this stuff. I guess ADD women don't have this problem, hygiene issues are drilled into women from an early age. I did tell my husband he wasn't getting any more kisses unless he uses denture cleaner, we'll see how that works.