I have been married for 5 years and me and my husband have gone through so much in those years we have both had affairs I with two guys and him with TWO guys I had no idea that he was bi he cheated on me when I was pregnant with our now 2 year old and I have also been going through all the anger that ADHD can give and probably more, he can be one of the meanest person I have ever met before in my life and even after staying with him through all of that now he doesn't touch,hold,kiss,or make love to me AT ALL my soul is tired of this I have put in 5 years of work for this man and I haven't got anything out of it but a baby (not saying I don't love my son) but marriage should be more then just having kids I feel no love from him at all and now that I have told him I don't want him anymore he wants to change AGAIN I have heard that so much in 5 years it is getting old he tells me its not him its the ADHD that makes him not hold or spend time with me and I think it is a load of shit, he takes his pills everyday and now the anger is gone but there is still no love from him to me if anyone has any advice it is well needed we are in marriage counseling cause that is the last draw for me I would rather be happy alone then be in a loveless marriage
I dont want to stay married anymore
Submitted by husbandlost on 09/15/2010.
Dear I don't want to stay married anymore
Submitted by TULA13 on
I have 10 years in. 4 living together and 6 married. Pull the plug. Don't waste anymore of your life. I threw my husband out April 20th after I found out about his affair. That was my last straw. Initially I was willing to separate and try to make it work. Then after close examination he had been lying and deceiving me for a very very long time. Read the blogs. Read as many as you can. There are not a lot of happy endings on this site. I wish there were. The behaviors escalate over time. Very few with the disorder, especially if they were diagnosed as an adult can make the changes needed. Meds, therapy, behavior modification. They have to work their asses off. Most can't do it, won't do it. All these destructive behaviors become their drug to stimulate their brain. They become abusive. OK OK I have compassion, this is a terrible mental illness. I intellectually understand it. Living it is hell. Some times the only person you can help/save is yourself. Your life will be so much easier without him. My husband was the love of my life for the first 5 years. The last 5 have been absolute hell.
I went out tonight with a good friend. It was so nice to sit across the table from a normal healthy male. We talked, had wine and food. I shared what was going on and was listened to. Given good advise. The person had personal experience with a mentally ill spouse in the past. He is now in a normal healthy relationship with his current wife. I went home thinking Wow. This was so great. It had been so very long since I had normal healthy interaction. I wasn't embarrassed and humiliated (my husband would flirt with the waitress if we went out). My verbal cue for him was reign it in Jason. You know all the verbal cues you will have to do over and over and over again when your husband begins showing his impulse control issues. The tension you feel. The lack of attention. I now realize I stopped being around my friends with my husband because he embarrassed me all the time. I had to be very selective who I could bring him around. He did not like to be home alone and would always want to go with me. Your life begins to get very small.
I am home alone now. We had no children together. This was a blessing because the outcome would have been the same with or without kids. Right now you have two children. Once he is gone only one. Any time I feel weak, or even think about taking my husband back or start feeling love for him I jump on this site for a reality check. We all want the happy ending. Most with the disorder do not have what it takes to get well. Relapse is often and common. I don't want 10 more years of reign it in. He will have affairs over and over. It will be just a matter of time before he would have gotten someone pregnant while married to me. He would have sex and not use protection. The woman he was having an affair with was not on birth control. There was a woman on this site who is pregnant and her husband got another woman pregnant. That so easily could have been me. I don't know how she gets herself out of bed each day. Just because you understand what is wrong doesn't mean it doesn't't hurt. A lot of the advise is over simplified. I have read all the books. Tried the behaviors. Unless your husband is on board, really committed and willing to work his ass off, your going to get no where. His needs are being met. He doesn't care. Your needs will never be met. You will try to cope, you will have more pain and heartache. Give your child a better life.
I am typically the last
Submitted by SherriW13 on
I am typically the last person to ever think that divorce is the 'best' option but in your case I am really seeing a TON of red flags going up everywhere. You need to get yourself into counseling, if you aren't already, and figure out if there is anything worth staying for. I think you've pretty much answered your own questions, but I think you need professional help sorting through things. I wish you the best! ((HUGS))
I'm confused....
Submitted by Flower Lady on
I saw another post under 'husbandlost' but appears to be written by a man....is that your husband? That post said his wife wouldn't even look at this site. Are you the wife then? I'm just puzzled....