Submitted by julie sharp on 10/20/2014.
On Saturday I googled ADHD and found this site. I am female. I bought the kindle version of The ADHD effect on marriage. My husband is reading it too me. The book has brought such relief to both of us so much relief! I finally feel heard! We have been married just over three years. Our life is very complicated. I have triple x syndrome and require carers. My husband told social services he would do my care. From the book I now see he did have every intention to do my care but his undiagnosed ADHD has prevented him.(he is waiting to see a psychiatrist for ADHD and depression).
We are totally stuck till we get the formal diagnosis as no one listens to me that he forgets to do my care.I get so angry with everyone and so upset.
Does anyone have any temporary ideas til he sees a psychiatrist?
Welcome, Julie
Submitted by Standing on
I'm sorry that you are struggling. That sounds very difficult and I hope that you will do everything possible to take good care of yourself!
My only thought is to call social services and to continue calling them until you have obtained a suitable helper, because you need to be able to fully rely upon that person.
Your husband's issues can be dealt with separately, but right now, you need more than he is in a position to provide,
Social services say my
Submitted by julie sharp on
Welcome Julie
Submitted by DaisiesMom on
I'm new too Julie, and have somewhat the same problems as you. I am disabled also, with rheumatoid arthritis in both knees awaiting knee replacements. My husband has diagnosed ADHD but is undedicated and he also told the county he could be my caregiver that was until he became disabled himself with back problems. I actually thought he would give caretaking a shot..but he was just thinking of the extra money. At the time, I didn't realize his not following up was because of the ADHD, I have grown used to him being very selfish and not very compassionate and just assumed that was the way he is. He didn't help me do anything, in fact he watches me struggle to do things he could do. Now of course, he is disabled so it is all about him. I used to be able to ask him to help me-he would complain, but I could tune it out. Now he just refuses or ignores me completely. I am still without care and what has happened is I have made my condition much worse, the one leg was somewhat bearable to walk on, but now it hurts as bad as the other and both legs are swollen all the time. I am just hanging on for the surgery..one leg at a time. I might be more sympathetic to the fact that he actually suffers with his back, but it is hard to go there when I think of how he treats me. He seems oblivious to my pain, in fact he yells at me while I struggle to go outside to feed and water our dog with my walker..to hurry up and shut the screen door so flies don't get in (during the summer). I have told him, if I hurry I might fall and certainly break a bone! Meantime, never mind that he is more than capable to do it himself, but then I'm afraid the dog wouldn't get any food or water. I will speak up for myself when I go in for surgery and if my husband dares to tell the dr. he can take care of me, he will get embarrassed, and I will come home with nursing care lol.
Hello daisiesmum, I am so
Submitted by julie sharp on
RE: Hello daisiesmum, I am so
Submitted by DaisiesMom on
Hello Julie, it's great to meet you! Yes, I understand your situation totally. I know in my county's social services they have the program IHSS that my husband said he could do..haha, but I can contact them and ask for a new care-giver that is hired by the county. The only problem I have is that my ADHD husband is so controlling..he has a fit if I try to bring someone up here to help me. He is paranoid about getting the county involved. We did have some problems in the past with them and my mom who lived here with us and was suffering from Alzheimer. She would call 911 a lot because she would get mad at me for crazy things, which is part of her disease. Once the county workers got wind that I hadn't legally filed as her P.O.A, they swooped in and tried to get her into a county run nursing home. They were able to do it, but she threw such a fit when she realized what was happening, they had her come back home, but I had issues with them until I filed for P.O.A. That was hard to get because they have to be in sound mind to sign the form..but luckily she had a moment of clarity and held it together while the lawyer talked to her.So, I think my husband is worried about the same thing happening with me and the county messing with us. But in the meantime, what else is there to do? I need help. If I fall because I'm trying to do things myself, the county will find out when I'm hospitalized anyway. We don't have the money for private care, and there is a lot to do here-he doesn't do anything like clean and there is only so much I can do from a chair. I almost feel imprisoned because I have a hard time getting down our stairs outside to the car, and he leaves me alone quite a bit. Anyway Julie, I guess we hang in there as long as we can and keep each other company here :-)
sorry
Submitted by julie sharp on