Not sure marriage can be saved

Sitting here crying and terrified that my marriage is beyond repair.  The anger I feel towards my husband is overwhelming.  We are both in counseling.  have been married 20 years with two daughters, ages 8 and 5.  The full scope of how his ADD has affected our relationship is finally fully dawning on me.  I am so angry at the toll this has taken on me mentally and physically, I can't even see straight.  The more I learn about this, the more angry I become.  We used to be the envy of everyone...the most romantic, kind, fun couple anyone knew.  People used to tell me all the time how lucky I was to have such a nice husband.  And he is nice.  Very very nice.  But his disorder also made him such a child that over the years, I have lost all respect for him.  Worn myself down to the nub so I can't even work, my health is horrible, and yes...I blame him for a large part of what I have allowed to happen to me.  I can accept that he has a disorder...what I can't accept is that in the face of all the evidence and advise over the years, he hasn't been able to do anything about it.  And now I am terrified it is too late.  All respect for him is gone and I don't know how to get that back.  I told him recently that I see clear as day that he needs medication, and more than once a week visits with a ADD counselor, and that it will take him another 10 years to come to that same conclusion.  I don't see how I can be expected to wait.
  My 8 year old daughter clearly show signs of ADD, and I am doing everything I can right now to help her so she doesn't have to be as disabled as my husband, and I get so angry again at him...because she has it too.  My counselor tells me he is one of the worst cases she has ever seen, and my role now is to take care of myself and to help my daughter and to let the professionals help him.  She also implores me to be understanding and to recognize he has a neurological disorder, and he is doing the best he can right now.  That's all well and good, but the anger in me grows and grows as I wonder what my life would be like if he had been a capable, responsible person.