What to Say Thank You for in ADHD Marriages
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 17:10
A writer in this forum just posted about how important it is to remember the good in our partners. I re-post her thoughts here as well as add my own. I encourage you all to stop and take a moment to post something in this thread that is good about your partner - ADHD or not. Okay, so here is the post that moved me:
"I find it very sad that even under an article under the subject "Joy in Marriages with ADHD" people can still find a way to post negative and disheartening comments about their spouses. I understand people need to vent, and I do understand how frustrated and downtrodden non-ADHD spouses can feel even in the best of times. I have been married to my ADHD husband for seven years, and we have two children. My husband is difficult to understand and keep up with, as is any human being, but the positive aspects of him as a person FAR outweigh any negative attributes that stem from his diagnosis. He is full of energy, even when he hasn't slept properly. He can see through the forest when I'm bogged down by the trees. He is never lazy. In fact, he can clean the house more efficiently in two hours than I can in six. He is an amazing father and husband, and he has made significant efforts to change negative behaviors that have affected our marriage due to his ADHD. He is able to confront his symptoms and try to solve them, and he wants to with my help. He doesn't view me as the un-supportive, whiny wife who needs a forum to vent about his downfalls, because I'm not. Can we please start a string of POSITIVE comments from spouses who truly love and appreciate their ADHD spouses for who they are, symptoms and all? We all need people around us who understand what we are experiencing, and I'm sorry if it sounds like I am being condescending or harsh. I just want non-ADHD spouses to realize every issue they are experiencing could just as easily occurred with a spouse who does not have ADHD. I was married before to a perfectly healthy man who mentally and emotionally abused me for eight years, and my ADHD husband was my light at the end of a dark, dismal road. He is my knight and shining armor and my blessing from God. He helps me find strength in myself every day, and his perseverance with me is far more than I have experienced with any other human being --- ADHD or not.
Please be thankful for the person you vowed to spend your life with, and praise God for every breath you are allowed to spend with him/her."
I would like to add my own "thank you's" to her comments, from my own marriage. So, for George:
- Thank you for being patient with me, and always flexible and accommodating
- I appreciate that you always take my comments and ideas seriously, even if you don't agree with them (and even if I've said them one too many times!)
- Thanks for continuing to clean up the dishes - it means a lot to me (as does your other participation with family and house)
- Thanks for your generous spirit. And for the thousands of hours you support me by managing this site even though you are so busy - that may be the ultimate in generosity!
- Thanks for being so even-keeled. I really appreciate the effort you've made to get your ADHD under control and we both live the benefits of it
- Thanks for being a father who can still help his college-aged kids with their (very) complex math problems...I will always admire your intelligence and your ability to juggle a million things in your mind at one time
- Thanks for the hugs today
What might you say thank you for? And a warning - NEGATIVE COMMENTS ATTACHED TO THIS PARTICULAR POST WILL BE DELETED! :-)