What We Love Part 2 - The Generosity of Our ADHD Spouses

ADHD Marriage: 

One of the things I love about my own spouse is his empathy, generosity and warmth.  Is this related to his ADHD?  I’m not sure, though I do observe that if they don’t have specific anger issues, many of ADHD spouses I work with have very generous spirits.  Sometimes they act on that generosity in a way that warms others…sometimes they don’t…which makes them pretty much like the non-ADHD around us.  Regardless, generosity of spirit, if you spouse possesses it, is something to celebrate.  Here is “what I love about my ADHD spouse” part 2:

“He is honest, genuine and generous.”

“He is completely engaged to me and that is very touching. He has a good heart and forgives easily”

“I treasure how she sincerely tries her best all the time.  She is remarkable in how loving she is as well.”

“My husband is very affectionate, little touches such as pats on the back or hugs are always available and if I should ask for such things he drops everything to provide.”

How about your ADHD partner?  Is he or she quick to forgive (that’s the very real positive side of living in the moment!) or empathetic towards others?  Remarkably loving?  Ready to give you a hug when asked?  Not sure about that hug?  Don’t wait around for a distracted spouse to “notice” you, ask for the hug and find out.

Comments

Affection

Melissa,

I could not agree more with your statements regarding those with ADHD being affectionate, loving and caring people.  I see these wonderful characteristics in my boyfriend every day.  He is very easy to forgive and forget when we have had our rough patches, and I have learned how to let go of anger and to accept that things will never be "perfect" through learning how he approaches problems on a day to day basis, by moving on and starting each day with a fresh start.  He is also a very affectionate man that will prove his love by holding my hand, cuddling on the couch, kissing my forehead before he leaves for work (although I have to take his word for this, because I'm asleep when he leaves), and always kissing me when we meet in the hallway.  I have learned that he needs the affection as well, because he needs the things that he gives out.  In short, I have learned a lot about myself, and him through his work towards managing his ADHD, and there are most certainly some great parts to having an ADHD partner.  I have taken your lead, and on my Facebook, I have started to post about ADHD Awareness Week and the good traits of having ADHD.

Thanks,

Monique

Your so lucky to have a bf

Your so lucky to have a bf who has a forgiving heart, my husband has no empathy or sympathy in him. The only emotion he has is anger. He can hold a grudge and write you off no matter who you are to him. I dont know what to do anymore, and quite Honestly im tired of trying. God bless ur relationship

I can relate to you.....

Maybe your husband may have a comorbid disorder such as Aspbergers.  My husband has ADD, although he is on medication for that he has discovered the other areas where we continue to have problems with have to do with Aspbergers such as empathy, sympathy, wanting to be alone, lack of affection and many other symptoms.  You may wish to check this out and discuss it with medical professional.

http://autismcanada.org/aboutautism/characteristics.html

Funny you mentioned aspergers

Funny you mentioned aspergers becsuse i was just going to speak wiyh my foc sbout my son possibly having that, he does all the damr thing my husband does thanks gor the info and feedback...helps so much to have support

also consider depression

I know this is an old conversation, but for those, like me, who are reading thus years later, also consider the possibility of depression. I've also been reading some of Dr. Ned Hallowell's books and he discusses how the distraction can make someone appear uncaring because either they didn't notice or can't figure out which of the many possible responses is the right one, a more typical adhd problem. I would have sworn to you my husband had asperger's until he got both his adhd and depression fully treated. Now he's a mostly normal person with some annoying organizational issues.

A Pick-me Up!

Hi Melissa,

          Thanks for posting these short and sweet love notes. My spouse has shared thoughts like these with me from time to time, and when we aren't communicating well, these will serve as a reminder of his love notes! It's nice to be reminded.

Take Care,

            Nikki

What I love

​my husband tells me he loves me at least 5 times a day & never walks by me without a kiss. He brings me roses just because :)

My ADD hubby is the most loving and affectionate person

My husband gives so much love and affection to everyone in his life.  He makes sure there is no doubt in our minds how much he loves and cares about us.  He has regular anger explosions that blow over very quickly and in an instant he is ready to hug and make up.  We have been married nearly 10 years and it has taken me a long time to get used to this.  I wouldn't give up the sweetness and affection for anything so I have learned to roll with the sudden bouts of temper and bad moods.  He also is quick to apologize and admit when he knows he has been wrong.  He beats himself up very often for causing so much upheaval and anxiety in our lives.  I have to constantly reassure him that I can deal with it and that I'm not going to leave him.  It keeps him feeling unsure and sort of needy all the time worrying about whether I'm going to throw in th towel and give up on him.  I have to tell him several times a  day that I love and adore him and would be lost without him.