control

I have just read a book on the topic of anger and relationships that Dr Hallowell suggested - it's great and would be very, very helpful to any woman who is trying to make sense out of why nothing seems to change in her relationship even though she keeps trying to "fix" it.  (Men would benefit, too, but the book happens to be written with women in mind).  I have been trying to figure out how to communicate how to move from "stuck" to a more fluid place where couples can actually make progress. 

When one partner has ADHD, it can be tempting for the other partner to micromanage their behavior. However, it is much easier to look at your own behavior than to try and "fix" someone else.

One of the most frequent questions that comes up is one of frustration – “how do I get my ADD spouse to listen to me about our problems?”  The short answer is that you can’t if he doesn’t want to, but let me elaborate, as this is clearly at the heart of many struggling marriages.

I was moved by this recently posted comment:

"So much good advice but how do I get my husband to read with me or even try?
I am so alone and I honestly don't know where to turn. I can't leave due to finances and no where to go. I don't know if it would be right to call an abuse hotline, because he is just verbally abusive.
Learning more about the ADD mind is helping a little. Just no where to turn."

First, you are not alone!  There are many, many people out there who are in the same situation that you are in – feeling isolated in a relationship affected by ADHD, feeling as if they somehow didn’t get what they had bargained for in their marriage – that it all has been an ugly surprise.

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