intimacy

I gave a one hour webinar for ADDResources.org not too long ago on the topic of "Reigniting Romance in ADHD Relationships" and they have been kind enough to let me link to the recording so you can see it.  It's an hour long and one of a whole library of webinars that they offer.  If you don't have time to watch, consider putting a reminder into your cell phone (or two, or three!) that will remind you to do something special for your partner on Feb. 14.

I ask couples to clarify their personal boundaries so that they are more likely to work as partners.  When you first start this process, though, it can feel as if you are getting “rejected,” particularly if those boundaries have to do with intimacy issues.  Let me help you understand why setting boundaries is an affirmation of your relationship, not rejection.

Married to Distraction: Restoring Intimacy and Strengthening Your Marriage in an Age of Distraction, by Ned and Sue Hallowell, with Melissa Orlov, is being released on March 16th.  It's available for pre-order right now, and one of Dr.

Over the last couple of years 416 people in marriages affected by ADHD have answered our survey about their experiences and feelings.  One of the questions we asked was “What gives you the greatest pleasure in your relationship?”  I share these responses because too often worn-out posters suggest that there are no positives to be found in ADHD-affected relationships.  Next week, I’ll share pleasures from the perspective of the ADD spouses married to non-ADD spouses.

There is a very interesting conversation going on around my “Learning to Like Yourself Again” post of 7/30/09.  A number of readers relate their stories about the relief they have felt as they have started to “become themselves” again and let go of some of their struggle.  The question for some, though, is “how do I rekindle the warmth/affection in my own heart for my spouse?”

Hi, Ned Hallowell here. I noticed questions about being distracted during sex.  I saw some great suggestions, from Melissa and others.  Let me add one more thought.

You know you have ADD.  Your marriage is disintegrating and you think the ADD might have something to do with it, but you can’t figure out what to do improve things.  What do you do?  This post is very long, but worth the 10 minutes you’ll need to take to get through it as it gets at the very heart of what goes wrong in many ADD relationships.  I think every couple struggling with ADD can learn important coping skills from my response to this man’s question.

I spend a lot of time helping non-ADD spouses understand how to interpret their ADD husband’s actions (or, more frequently, inactions – a word I use without judgment.)  I think it’s time to write a piece for the ADD male about what non-ADD women want. 

A woman who has been married for 3 years to a man who was diagnosed with ADD after they got married, has taken the time to write to me quite a bit about her situation.  It is one that I recognize, as it closely mirrors the situation I had in the beginning of my own marriage.  One of the key issues is that she and her husband had a wonderful courtship, during which he “hyperfocused” on her (though neither knew that this was the case as it was happening).  Now she is desperate to feel loved and in the kind of relationship her courtship had led her to expect, but she finds her spouse unrecognizable.  Not only does he not connect with her, but he dismisses her concerns about their lack of connection, leaving her frequently in tears.  She is “in shock because I feel as if the person I fell in love with doesn’t exist”.

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