I bought all the Orlov books, my ADHD diagnosed partner hid the books for a week and didn't mention their arrival.
I contacted Melissa and cc'ed my partner for online support sessions, not available.
I bought the 8 session Orlov course, my ADHD partner won't participate fully. Session #1, she passively overheard while pacing about doing avoidance tasks. So then I made an appointment with my partner to listen to session #2 together, it was agreed, and yet she showed up 20+min late with all sorts of "important" tasks (fresh flowers etc. - tasks she usually doesn't do).
I just finished all 8 sessions and all the homework.
We have 3 kids and she is stay at home with all 3 at school, I work at home.
Rewinding a bit, before I found this site about 3 months ago, I asked my wife: "what do you do to help or support your husband to make his day or life better?"....She deflected and blamed me for being too focused on food/sex. I asked again, she deflected again and said, "helping with the kids" was how she supported me. To me, I also do that, but don't consider it for her benefit/focusing on her needs.
Then she got diagnosed with ADHD (my suspicion is that she's always know she has has it)...I did lots of research (she didn't), and I asked the same question again, "what do you do to help or support your husband to make his day or life better?". She says "nothing, I have ADHD"
This evening, after 6 weeks, I asked the question a 3rd time: "what do you do to help or support your husband to make his day or life better?". Again, avoidance and no response. A wall of non-engagement, non admission. Is this really how it is? Zero?
I feel like she doesn't want to try and doesn't want to save the marriage and I am sad, frustrated, angry and lonely.
After I confront her about avoiding the same question for 6 weeks, she gives me a "whatever" and moves on like it is nothing.
Any advice on how to handle or similar defensive/stymiing experiences after starting the course(s)? The course mentions it is up to the ADHD partner to make the effort and as me Non-ADHD I am not supposed to parent-child.....so after 6 weeks I am asking, should I just wait more or leave her?