she loves me not?

what is ADHD behavior vs non-symptom "she just isn't into you"?

i am confused.

she has been been diagnosed as "mild" solely based on a reaction time test but her performance as a wife and mother are screaming "severe"

so far 1 of our 3 kids is diagnosed "severe" ADHD aged 5 (going on 2). strong drugs needed kicked out of schools, grandparents and neighbors are appalled etc.

mom/wife is in denial, avoiding, alcoholic; always blaming everything and everybody else for her own choices.

a month ago she unilaterally canceled the kids 1-2 weeks in summer camp, pocketed the $2000+ I gave her for "camp" and drove 12hrs to her parents cabin 2 weeks earlier than usual  for a about a month long visit. She missed my sister's 40th party, who drove 10hrs with her partner and his family to stay with us;  my wife chose my sister as godmother to all 3 of our children since nobody else was also Catholic and my sister bent backwards/travelled everywhere or the 

so last week after weeks solo i fly 3 connections to go pickup my family at inlaws cabin. after weeks  apart she won't touch me. she sleeps with kids in her bed every night. she doesn't shower that often. she tells me she is ovulating and to get away. i mention feeling neglected.

4 days ago we leave inlaws' cabin to drive 12hrs home but we have 4 days to do it.  i am looking forward to reconnecting. we have a plan to visit her girlfriend half way back. i suggest each of 5 of us put 2 "dream day" ideas into a hat and draw each day lunchtime. boys are 5,6,9 so dreams are deep sea fishing, sports related, mine are looking at puppy breeds types (we had 2 dogs die this summer).....her "day" gets picked first and she wants to drive 5hrs to hang with her single girlfriend who lives in a women's only dorm house. But her friend is working first 3 days so she insists. INSISTS 14 times repeating over and over and over whole family has to do her choice for 3 days due to jer girlfriends' schedule, meanwhile kids are upset we are getting cancelled... 

I ask her, "I feel unloved by you, can you tell me please how you think you express love for your husband?" No answer. stonealling for weeks...

So we leave her with her girlfriends for her 3 day women only (?) party. She has blocked out our elementary school kids dream day for herself...I take the mutual credit cards away from her since she has a spending issue. I call her an "asshole" and a "taker" within earshot of the kids.

Meanwhile me and the 3 boys wake up every day not knowing what "dream day" will be picked. Some of their Mom's ideas have been chosen (whale watching) and we do it without her. The kids choices have come up too

and they are in heavan. question is: should we drive 5hrs our of the way tomorrow to shuttle her from one of her girlfriends to her other girlfriend all the while i am paying for everything ($500/day) but most of the family is not benefited by her and her girlfriend's useage of our familt resources?.. she make me feel cheap i don't constantly support her - other day i asked her to supply a meal and she said go get it youself from "vending machine"...(snother reason I took her credit cards away) she disrespects me and i am being used, right?