trying to set boundaries and it is difficult for me as a giving person, since i'm always thinking about my partner, my kids and my friends, anticipating their needs and surprising them with thoughtfulness. in fact this gives me pleasure, to give.
of course my ADHD partner in unable to reciprocate being thoughtful or giving or anticipate others needs and surprise them with generosity.
so what if i can reciprocate my spouse's own behavior:
what if i agree to something and then do not follow through most of the time?
what if i am ungenerous, only gifting or making meals for everyone else except my spouse? maybe give her a separate bill at our 2 days a week visit to a restaurant? (she has never in 10yrs paid for family dinner)
what if i plan a night out with my friends and not tell her she is watching the 3 kids until hours before i leave, again and again and again, 2 times a weeks for years.
what if i never pay a bill for her or her parents ever?
what if i tell all the neighbors how horrible she is treating me and whenever we have an argument announce it to the neighbors, playing the victim card?
what if i take no responsibility for birth control anymore and throw away her vibrator?
what if everything I do that is a mistake is always someone else's fault?
has anybody tried giving the same behavior back at the ADHD partner? is it mature to even consider it? is it vindictive?