How to Diminish Anger in Your Relationship


Anger is not necessarily ‘bad’ – we all get angry sometimes, and when there is intermittent, healthy anger in a relationship it’s just a signal that something specific needs attending to.  But many ADHD relationships are marred by both chronic and episodic bursts of anger and rage that are painful to partners and damaging to their connections.  While some of this anger is physiological and related to ADHD impulsivity, most of it has other origins.

This 10-week tele-seminar will enable couples delve deeply into strategies known to help couples impacted by ADHD lessen the anger in their relationship.  It is a working course, with emphasis on skill-building and implementation.

You’ll learn about:

  • Healthy vs. unhealthy anger
  • ADHD and anger
  • Treatments that help reduce anger
  • Patterns that lead to anger
  • Your anger style and anger paradigm
  • The role of forgiveness in addressing anger
  • Strategies and tools that help lessen anger
  • Improving your communication techniques around difficult topics
  • Conflict Intimacy skill building
  • How to build an anger plan to guide your efforts

Agenda and dates:

Dates below are subject to change.  

Session 0:  Pre-seminar recorded review of important topics from ADHD Effect seminar related to anger:  Sources of anger; unproductive responses; ADHD treatment and anger
Session 1:  Healthy v. unhealthy anger; alternatives to venting; Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and anger; being told what to do
Session 2:  Why anger is 'sticky'; how do I let go of anger?; forgiveness in-depth
Session 3:  Identifying and understanding your specific anger style; sneaky anger or ADHD?; review of anger patterns
Session 4:  Power sharing issues and case studies; lessening the number of fights
Session 5:  Conflict intimacy (CI) skill building; how to move away from aggressive speaking and defensive listening
Session 6:  CI experiences; The art of curiosity; improving your CI practice
Session 7:  4 important tools to lessen anger; optional refresher on tools from ADHD Effect seminar
Session 8:  Anger paradigms - what's yours, and how do you improve it?  How to move towards a relationship you love
Session 9:  Rebuilding love and attend time; differentiating 'can't do' vs. 'won't do'
Session 10:  Creating your anger plan; what do you do next?


Melissa Orlov is the author of two award-winning books on the topic of ADHD and relationships, and is dedicated to helping couples impacted by ADHD learn how to thrive.  She is a popular instructor, giving talks and seminars for couples and therapists around the world.  She developed this course on anger in response to an obvious need expressed by couples who were making progress, but 'stuck' in anger patterns.

Melissa is one of the foremost authorities on ADHD in couples, and is known for her practical approach - providing both insight from her many years of experience and specific strategies that work.  In her exceptional ADHD Effect In-Depth seminar she has surprised many couples who had lost hope...but then learned specific skills they needed to improve their lives together.

At this site you can find many resources developed by Melissa and her team and she hopes you will explore.  If you want more details about Melissa, go to the About page.

Who should take this seminar?

Though not required, it is very highly recommended that couples complete The ADHD Effect on Marriage In-Depth before taking How to Diminish Anger in Your Relationship so that you have a full understanding of the dynamics of ADHD-impacted relationships.  This will allow you to focus on anger interactions with a solid knowledge about the underpinnings of the challenges you face.  

Both partners should take this seminar:

  • ‘mixed’ couples – one partner with and one partner without ADHD
  • dual-ADHD couples
  • therapists and counselors

Pricing & refund policy

$295 per couple includes:

  • 10 sessions of 60-70 minutes each, mixing lecture and discussion, given by conference call
  • 1 pre-seminar recorded review of basics from the ADHD Effect In-Depth seminar
  • homework and some readings*
  • presentation materials (sent out ahead of calls)
  • all course materials, including lecture recordings, are yours to keep

Full, 100% refunds are offered up to the third session

*There are two textbooks for this course:  The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD by Melissa Orlov & Nancie Kohlenberger, and Letting Go of Anger by Ronald and Patricia Potter-Efron.  These are not included in the price of the seminar.  The calling number is not toll-free, though can be connected to by computer by most.

Logistics:  How the seminar works

Sessions are given by conference call, which can be accessed by phone or computer, anywhere in the world (different locations for each of you is fine)

All sessions are given live starting at 8:30pm eastern (New York, U.S.) time, ending at or before 9:45pm.  The class structure is different from the ADHD effect seminar - lectures are much shorter, with an emphasis on in-class couples' work.

All sessions are recorded so you can catch up if you have a conflict.

Class size is limited to a maximum of 20 couples.

International couples and those with conflicts

Couples who live in a time zone that does not mesh well with the 8:30pm eastern (New York) start time of the live calls can still register for this course, as all sessions are recorded.  There will be time in the recordings to do the exercises, but you won't be able to contribute comments in real time.  Melissa will take your quesitons via email.


This seminar is not being offered at this time.  If you wish to be notified of future sessions or of other options that may be useful for you, please contact Melissa.

Couples Share How This Course Helped Them

"This work is a tremendous help and encouragement in my own life, as well as in our life together.  We see positive ripple effects in our other relationships, also.  Thank you for taking the time to think critically about all of these issues, experiment, synthesize, write, and work with people to refine positive, practical insights and strategies."