Recent Comments
- by: Swedish coast - Dear C, you know I'm not religious, but I'd pray for you if I could.>>> on Forum topic - Question for the ADHD folks about mess
- by: c ur self - I think my brother's both had it....Of course ADHD is a sliding scale diease....I'm about like you...My daughter got tested years ago, she has mild to moderate....My spouse has it at a clinical level...(adderall)....My daughter has many of my characteristics....I'm not effected in most of the way's my wife is, plus she has personality disorders, and is possibly on the spectrum....My biggest issues are detailed talking, and interrupting....I've always been extremely high functioning....Work meetings just...>>> on Forum topic - Any Nons here find out they too have ADHD?
- by: 1Melody1 - If it's group think to reject a notion that equates to "she was asking to be assaulted..." I'm a-ok with that. I won't speak for anyone but would guess most of the nons here have been emotionally abused for years. I count myself in that group fully. I don't consider my weak boundaries "half of a toxic dynamic" just like I don't consider a woman wearing a bustier deserving of assault. I think in most cases here, we're not just talking about a messy house. We're talking about lies, withholding, financial...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: c ur self - They really didn't address it...They know it, but it's the behaviors (life pursuits) related to biblical marriage responsibilities they wanted to hear about...I told them the main reason I've endured for 16 years was my opinion's concerning mental illness....Plus I'm messed up....I'm more of a mother than a husband...I can't help but worry about her well being w/ out me.... Thank you swedish coast.... c>>> on Forum topic - Question for the ADHD folks about mess
- by: Swedish coast - It sounds like you need to release your joyous self from this relationship. You need to take back your happiness. I'm sorry you are suffering this. My ex husband during divorce made the same conclusion as your partner in order to restore his self-esteem. He thinks I and my expectations have been the problem all along and there's nothing wrong with him. I think it's natural in a way. As ADHD, he has his own perceptions for reference. As non, I perceive differently and disagree with him. He has been hard to...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: alphabetdave - just pushed back into "comment purgatory" (no malice in this label, only humour lol), am sure it'll reappear later, around when this comment appears!>>> on Forum topic - frustration with comment approval process
- by: honestly - because you're not really reading what I write. I have enough of not being listened to at home, and since I'm getting better at boundaries - bye.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Off the roller ... - I hear you and see that your comment was deleted! Not cool!>>> on Forum topic - frustration with comment approval process
- by: CANTGOBACK (not verified) - When a few unhappy people gather to vent, that's all they want to do. I will leave you all to it and I'm sure won't be missed. Good luck!>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: CANTGOBACK (not verified) - What it seems most here want is not to be challenged, and to meet any challenge with a call for compassion. However, there is nothing cruel in pointing out that it takes two, and that the path to freedom involves personal responsibility for one's circumstances. It may not be a welcome idea but it is valuable nonetheless, and anyone has a right to voice their opinions here.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: CANTGOBACK (not verified) - I disagree.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: honestly - I certainly never suggested that. It is a problem, it's horrible, and it's often part of what is recognised as an unhealthy dynamic between ADHD sufferers and their partners. The first time I posted on this site, I got directed by Melissa to read up on boundaries. I took my medicine. I don't consider my own messedupness a virtue nor am I now ashamed of my failings. They're the result of my upbringing. I'm doing the work. Boundaries have to be asserted somewhere, and the OP's boundaries were breached,...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: honestly - it's hard. And maybe we can show compassion, recognising how difficult and time consuming the work is to arrive at this understanding and self knowledge. And recognising too that it is not solely about the individual, but that that individual operates wihtin a wider society, a culture, and has absorbed established norms and expectations. And that these cultural or social expectations (of, say, patience towards loved ones, or that marriage requires 'work', or that if someone loves you, they listen to you)...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: alphabetdave - on the flip side of this, again anecdotally - people with ADHD can often seem to end up in relationships with narcissists/abusive partners, precisely because of the fact that we're incredibly reactive people - and fundamentally what these people want is to be reacted to, rather than a healthy relationship where healthy needs are met I don't imagine this describes the relationship of anyone here - I think forums for "survivors of ADHD relationships" are probably fairly unconsciously selective, in that they...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: CANTGOBACK (not verified) - But, it seems that half of this painful, toxic dynamic positions themselves as morally superior, or more intelligent, or more adult, when really they are acting out scripts learned in childhood and not improved upon.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: CANTGOBACK (not verified) - They have reasons, you have reasons. ADHD impacts the ability to do things that a "reasonable" person would do, and the Non has conditioning or psychological obstacles to doing what a "reasonable" person might do. If the ADHD partner is alone responsible for recognizing and dealing with their issues that make a healthy partnership impossible, isn't is also true for the Non? It is. Both partners have grave obstacles to being healthy and each one blames the other, insisting that the other improve...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: honestly - is really hard to get over. I mean, between what seem like perfectly sensible expectations and the baffling response to them. It is genuinely hard to process that 'oh, that simple courtesy I asked for is not happening... still not happening... still not happening.' It can be genuinely hard to believe. That and the fact that people with ADHD often seem (anecdotally; I've observed this here and on other fora) to be attracted to/ have longer term relationships with/exploit people who have trouble knowing and...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: BurnedOutLady - And I see it in my husband. That is definitely how he feels.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: BurnedOutLady - In my other posts I have described how actually I have just split with my husband and he has moved out. So this post of mine is really just me assessing what has happened over the past 13 years and trying to make sense of it.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Swedish coast - Removed that comment on second thoughts>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect