This fire pit idea of H's has been brewing since January. He killed the grass in February where he was going to put it and we had a 12' x'12' area of dead grass for months Last month he finally got a tiller and tilled up the dirt and grass in the area. Then that sat for 3 weeks with nothing happening. Saturday he got sand and gravel delivered. We got tarps for both items to be dumped on but they were no way big enough so we've got sand and gravel falling off onto the grass and into the neighbor's yard because our houses are so close together. The pile of gravel is HUGE and now H says we won't need it all for the firepit. Great, so now we'll have how many wagons full of gravel left over and is it going to sit on the tarp killing the grass for months? We had to rent this gas powered machine to compact the gravel and sand and it is $70/day/ H thought we'd only need it for a day. We worked for 4 hours yesterday and aren't even 1/4 done with the thing. So now we'll probably have to rent it for the entire week which will cost ME $250.
Then there's the whole mowing the grass thing. H gets SOOO upset when I say I'm going to mow the grass. He tells me to just chill out and not get so uppity about it as he will do it. He told me on Wednesday night that the grass definitely needs to be mowed this weekend. Well right there was the kiss of death because whenever he says that I KNOW it won't get done. So I decide that I'm only going to work a 1/2 day on Friday and that way I'd get home about 2 hours before he'd get home from work and could do it before he got home and have it over with. I tell him Thursday night that I'm taking a half day and sure enough he tells me that he has a doctor's appt on Friday so he's just going to take the whole day off! Of course you are because a 20 minutes doctor's appt means you can't go to work at all! WHY do you do that and WHY do you schedule these appts for the middle of the day when you are off work at 1:30 and have plenty of time to schedule them for after??!! He finds any reason possible NOT to go to work. Like the whole reason he went in to see the doctor on Friday was to get a note to put him on light duty for the next month but he forgot to get it and at noon on Friday he tells me this and says he'll just get it on Monday. Well I knew that meant he wouldn't go to work today because he'd have to go get the note and he of course can't go into work after he gets the note. So back to the mowing. I was itching to mow the yard all Friday afternoon as I wasn't doing anything and he was just sitting on his computer but didn't. Then Saturday morning we ran errands and after 2 hours of that well he's just too plumb tuckered out to think about mowing and plus the sand and gravel got dumped in the yard so he's not going to mow then even though once again I was itching to mow and no reason why I couldn't but didn't want to upset him by doing so. Sunday was spent working on the fire pit and that will take us through next weekend so there won't be any mowing for over a week anyways and the yard is getting overgrown (which he doesn't see as overgrown at all!).
I HATE having an unkempt yard and I hate the fact that I basically pay the entire mortgage and all the bills every month but can't mow my own yard without him going apeshit over it! The fact that if I want to mow I have to take off work early to come home to do it before he gets home so he doesn't freak out about it and then find out that he's once again not going into work so me taking off early was for nothing. If I mow I'll get the silent treatment from him or he'll just be very sarcastic and snide towards me.
If I mow ...
Submitted by Standing on
"... I'll get the silent treatment from him or he'll just be very sarcastic and snide towards me."
Yep, He will. And life will go on.
That's the part I needed to learn, when I lived in such terror of displeasing someone.
Life does go on.
:)
the lawn
Submitted by dedelight4 on
I don't know what it is about having control of the mower and "mowing the lawn". SAME thing here. DH has to have total control of the mower and the yard. But, when he's "done" with it (if and when he does it) it looks like a crazy jigsaw puzzle. He goes round and round in circles, and zig zags and misses big clumps of grass, but he won't let ANYONE else mow the lawn but him. Yells at the rest of us, if myself or daughters mow the lawn, because "We won't do it right". (sigh) I so wish he could SEE himself and what life he presents to us and the world.
It is because
Submitted by Standing on
lawn mowing is a stereotypical Man's Job and for us to mow it ourselves is viewed by add as a direct slam to his manhood.
Doesn't matter whether he ever actually mows it or what it looks like afterward... the add POINT is - quit making me look bad and feel bad about myself when you Rush Off to mow (never mind it's 3 foot high).
We wrapped up that issue when I went out and purchased a semi self-propelled mower and asked my son to mow it regularly. In other words, I took the bull by the horns and left no room for further debate. The only time the subject arises now is if my son lets it go too long and it catches husband's attention, but we do our best to not let that happen. When he leaves home, it will be my job again and I WILL do it MY way. Takes practice and determination and, for me, blood pressure meds, but it gets easier.
And the thing is, I am very
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
And the thing is, I am very meticulous in making sure everything is done nicely wheras he just does a wham bam job and calls it good. There are areas around our fence and around other objects that have been sitting in the yard for months that haven't been moved where grass grows around and the mower won't get it. That's when the weedwhacker needs to come out and FORGET about me getting that out! He will see it and immediately go "You don't need to do that, the yard looks fine". No...it doesn't! And of course every time I use it he tells me I'm doing it wrong because it sounds like it's going to die because I don't have full throttle on it. Just LET ME DO IT! I'm not doing it wrong I'm just not doing it your way! It's sad that I have to take the times when he might be gone for 30 minutes and whip out the weedwhacker and get it done before he gets back! On the days he does drag himself to work I have about 2 1/2 hours to myself before I leave for work but I can't do any yardwork between 4:30 and 7AM! I wish he'd go back to 2nd shift (2PM-10:30) as that would give me LOADS of time to do yardwork without being watched or told it's wrong!
grateful
Submitted by Sade88 on
I guess I should be grateful we don't have that debate. We have partially wooded 5 acre lot. I have been taking care of the lawn and yard stuff for going on 3 years now. It takes hours to do it right, to include weed eating. He does notice that I do it and he appreciates it because he is busy doing work related stuff. Although I don't mind doing it (it sometimes gets my mind off of problems) I do have other things I would like to do and it would be nice if he mowed more often.
riding mower, push mower
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Standing, Get this....this is funny...and it HAS to be one of his odd ideas of things. But, he says using the RIDING mower is a "man's job", and only he can use it. But, the hard PUSH mower is the one that us GIRLS can use.....HUH? Never mind, the push mower WEIGHS a TON, takes a man's strength to push it, PLUS, when the grass bag is full, weighs about 30 pounds and has to be dumped every 4 to 5 passes through the grass. HOW is that a woman's job, and the EASY riding mower is the MAN'S job? I STILL don't get that one. But, that is his idea of getting the lawn mowed.
lol
Submitted by Standing on
Dede, those stereotypes run deep. You see, a riding mower is a piece of heavy equipment, and therefore it's a man-device.
Pushmowers are mere hand tools.
hahaha... gotta love the "logic".
Thanks for the chuckle!
I could be sitting there
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I could be sitting there twiddling my thumbs while he is cooking dinner, watering the garden and working on his motorcycle at the same time and he will STILL pitch a fit if I want to mow saying he'll get to it! I ENJOY mowing the yard! I would rather be doing anything rather than sitting around being bored, but if I just cannot wait then he calls me anxious, uppity, whatever!
Mapper, sounds like he enjoys the IDEA
Submitted by Standing on
The Idea that he is the mowerdude appeals to him, but it's way down on his list of actualities. My husband has a similar list.
Anyway, I don't think you're a bit uppity, but anxious... yes. Takes one to know one, where anxiety is concerned. My blood pressure issues are 100% anxiety related. The more I accept what I cannot change, the less medication I need to take. I'm down to 1/2 tablet per day. You can learn to stress less, as soon as you learn to stop blaming him for how you feel. If you want that lawn mowed badly enough, you'll mow it. You really will. But if you're like me, it's more about the frustration of hitting a brick wall at every turn than it is about the grass.
You could make a list of the top 5 things that bug you, then look at that every day and ask yourself - does that peeve really have eternal value? I still have plenty of peeves, but my list has definitely shortened since I began taking that outlook. Just a thought.
So funny...and true. Same
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
So funny...and true. Same with snowblowing vs. shoveling. I have to do the manual labor (shoveling), while my DH does the MAN job of steering a self-propelled snow grinder up and down our driveway
haha I think that's just as much a Man thing
Submitted by Standing on
as an add thing. Get a guy a power screwdriver and every hinge or whatever in the house will be tightened in no time :)