Negotiation and Setting Boundaries

One comment I hear over and over again from non-ADHD spouses is their frustration that "we go through the same problems over and over again.  Nothing ever seems to change!"  There is a reason for this, as well as a way to interrupt this pattern. >>> Read more >>>

I know what it’s like to be a non-ADD spouse and discover that you no longer like yourself.  Many here have the same problem – they have struggled so long, and are so exhausted, that they can no longer find the core of who they are.  They write things like “it’s pathetic that I stay in this relationship” and “I feel like I don’t matter at all” and “I feel self-loathing that I stay in my marriage” and wonder if there is something wrong with them.  I would like to share with you my own story of how I moved from disliking myself back to “being me” as well as provide some ideas for change that may help you. >>> Read more >>>

I’ve written here before about how you might approach thinking about whether or not you should marry a person you know has ADHD (see this post), but there is a conversation going on in the forums now that makes we want to write further on the topic. >>> Read more >>>

I have been thinking a lot lately about being responsible for yourself and taking care of yourself.  Too many non-ADD spouses subordinate themselves to the issues that ADD brings into their lives and, in so doing, lose themselves (or worse, become someone whom they don’t recognize and don’t like).  I think of this as being a victim of the tyranny of ADD.  But it doesn’t have to be this way. >>> Read more >>>

I had a quick lesson yesterday in just how easy it is to fall back into old patterns when you are working to overcome anger and resentment.  But my day was also a reminder about what it takes to keep those emotions under control, so I thought I would share it with you. >>> Read more >>>

When I got married, I think I misread the marriage license.  I could swear that in the small type on that document I saw the words “this license lets you control your husband’s life from now on!”  I must have needed glasses because boy, was I wrong!  But (and I say this affectionately) how many other women do you know who made the same mistake?! >>> Read more >>>

One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes.  This is vexing because, as they say in AA, if nothing changes, nothing changes. 

Before the couple gets help, what usually develops is a process of mutual blame.  The minute a conflict arises, each member of the couple hunkers down in a self-protective, defensive posture that says, “It’s your fault, not mine.”  Soon the phrase gets added, “Why bother even trying?  This situation is hopeless.”  Each member of the couple feels isolated, lonely, misunderstood, angry, and at a loss for what to do next other than separate or simply muddle miserably on. >>> Read more >>>