Communication Tips with ADHD

Excessive use of electronics is not a neutral activity when it comes to relationships – it takes time away from family and partners.  In our house it can feel as if my husband’s electronics rule my life.  If I ask a question or sound speculative about anything, the first thing he does is whip out his phone to look up the answer.  He views it as being helpful and interesting.  I view it as a distraction that pulls his attention away from me and from our conversation. >>> Read more >>>

This guest blog post has been provided by Hal Meyer and Susan Lasky of the ADD Resource Center.

You fell in love with his boyish enthusiasm, adventuresome spirit and easy-going charm.  Now you are frustrated that he decides to go skiing instead of shoveling the snow off the walkway, or forgets to take the children to the dentist.  You were fascinated by her many interests, creativity and “enjoy the moment” approach to life.  Now you are fed up with the clutter of her incomplete projects, and annoyed by her indifference to planning meals and shopping.  It is easier to love someone with ADHD than it is to live with them. >>> Read more >>>

Dr. Ned Hallowell has just written a terrific piece on what it's like to have ADHD for the Huffington Post.  You can just feel that ADHD energy in his writing!  To read it, go to this link.

“I think my partner has ADHD – he shows all the classic symptoms.  How do I approach him with this without making him angry?”  This is a great question and I applaud any spouse who is sensitive enough to be asking it.  Some specific ideas and hints follow. >>> Read more >>>

Conversations go all wrong when we inadvertently invalidate our partners (or worse, do so on purpose!)  Lots of people are confused about what “validating” means – they think it means “agree with” or “empathize with,” neither or which is accurate.  So I want to try to clarify what validation is, and why it’s important by sharing some examples. >>> Read more >>>

There's a really interesting conversation going on in response to my last blog post that has morphed into whether or not a non-ADHD spouse should secretly record conversations to demonstrate to an ADHD spouse that they really are mishearing and mis-remembering things.  An ADHD spouse has also suggested that recordings might be a good learning tool for "where things go wrong."  Here's what I think: >>> Read more >>>

Ned Hallowell likes to talk about the "moral diagnosis" of ADHD - the idea that those with ADHD are lazy or ill-willed.  The 'moral diagnosis' was what people used to turn to when they didn't know as much about ADHD as we do now.  Yet the idea that an ADHD spouse is 'lazy' is amazingly persistent.  How to get at that?  I've often said that in general, people with ADHD are some of the hardest working folks I know - its just that you can't always see the work because much of it is going on inside them.  Their minds are working away, really hard, even as they might come across as "lazy" because they have trouble completing (and sometimes even starting!) tasks.  Now researchers confirm that extra effort going on inside the ADHD person's head.  MRI studies show that the area of the brain that orchestrate mental activity is more active for adults with ADHD than for those without. >>> Read more >>>