All of us have bad days sometimes…even bad months or longer. I’m having one right now that has to do with my negative feelings about the impact of my husband’s job in our lives. The problem is, my responses are making things worse. As always, you can learn from my mistakes - in this case about how NOT to approach your partner.
I regularly hear from successful adults with ADHD - particularly men - that though they experience success at work they worry that they still don't feel successful. In fact, they feel as if they have others 'fooled' and that some day they may be discovered as a fraud. A marriage tip reader recently wrote me to ask "what's at the root of this? I often feel this way but can't pinpoint why..." As I've talked with adults in counseling about this issue I believe it has to do with the inconsistency of ADHD.
Do you fight over whether or not you agreed to something in the past? Or perhaps you're a non-ADHD partner frustrated that your ADHD partner doesn't seem to remember your conversations? If so, I would like to suggest a simple solution that will help you avoid these fights.
For those of you who have learned new tools and had been doing better but are frustrated that things have gotten worse again, you are not alone! I am embarrassed to say that even in my own relationship it took a recent shocker of a conversation to get us back on track again. I write about it here because I think many of you will find the story and its outcome reassuring. Couples have setbacks, even those who have learned new techniques for finding happiness in their relationship. But don't despair because you can get past the setbacks, just as you did the original issues.