Blogs

I'm editing the section of my book that has to do with developing empathy for your spouse.  I found many descriptions on this site about what it feels like to be the ADHD spouse, but have had less luck finding good quotes about the feelings that come with being the non-ADHD spouse.  There's lots of "this is what my life is like" and comments about how people do/don't get along with their spouses, but less about their dreams/feelings etc.  If you would like to write a paragraph or two about that below I would love to read it, as would the other readers at the site, I expect.  Thanks. >>> Read more >>>

As I've mentioned in a number of my posts, my ADD spouse and I separated several years ago because I just couldn't take dealing with his ADD issues any more.  Even though he had been on medication and in counseling for 10 years, there were still many problems, especially in the area of communication.  As our marriage disintegrated, the communications got worse.  So when we decided we wanted to try to salvage our marriage, my husband's counselor (who also knew me from some joint counseling sessions we had done) suggested that we should try a different approach to communication >>> Read more >>>

What happens when an ADHD partner takes responsibility for ADHD issues, but still struggles to make things go smoothly?  Here's a good example of the process that couples go through to find a balance that can work for them. >>> Read more >>>

I was reviewing some research recently for the book I'm finishing up and came across an interesting bit of info that provides insight into why so many with ADHD perceive that "nothing is wrong" while their spouses see things differently. >>> Read more >>>

When you're trying repeatedly to get an ADHD spouse to "respond" to your requests it's hard not to get into nagging mode.  But non-ADHD spouses need to avoid chronic nagging patterns if they are to be successful, happy partners.  This is much harder than it sounds.  It's scary to think back to your past and all of the times that you weren't nagging and things - sometimes really critical things like bill paying and picking up kids and getting jobs - didn't happen.  You suppose that if you stop nagging now, those same patterns will emerge (and you are probably right, at least short term). >>> Read more >>>

At our house, the holiday season has always been a special time of problems as well as joys.  The excitement of the holidays, the additional social interactions, the special demands of gift-giving and receiving, and the departure from routine all may be either especially stimulating or especially stressful -- to all of us, but especially to those in our family with ADD.  We always want to have a happy, loving, yummy holiday time.  Instead, we typically would either end up all yelling at each other, or in tears, by the time the holiday actually arrived. >>> Read more >>>

It is with some humor that I say that a very sensitive area of conflict for many couples is driving.  Most commonly, the conflict centers around the poor driving habits of an ADHD spouse (and why they can't/won't change them) and who is going to drive when.  There is more here than meets the eye, though, so I thought I would explore it a bit.  If you have conflicts over driving, read on! >>> Read more >>>

We have started a new area of the site, called "guest blogs" which can be found in the tabs at the top.  There are some reader voices here that have been particularly helpful over time and we would like new people to be able to find them easily.  Our first guest blogger has gone by the name of Arwen and many of you are familiar with her.  I will also move some other guest blog entries (Ari Tuckerman and others) to that area as I find time.  Enjoy!

A quote in the New York Times on November 21 misled some people into believing that Dr. Ned Hallowell thinks that using marijuana to treat ADHD is a good idea.  Just the opposite, he thinks it is a very bad idea and has said so for many years.  Here is his response to those who had questions about this: >>> Read more >>>

As I've mentioned in many of my posts, I am by nature an impatient, angry person, not at all shy of conflict.  I've always felt that there was so much that I needed and wanted to do with my life, and nowhere near enough time to do it.  I like people and having a  good time, but to enjoy myself and fulfill my life responsibilities, I needed everyday life to move right along.  I had a fairly short fuse, and anybody who got in my way or made it more difficult made me mad. >>> Read more >>>