ADHD and Marriage Blog

Eric Tivers recently published his view of the 30 best apps for those with ADHD in ADDitude Magazine (go to this link.)  I would like to add one more that both my husband and I use very successfully - WorkFlowy.  This is a VERY simple outlining program that is really great for capturing and organizing information like 'to do' lists, grocery lists, and presentation outlines.  Very flexible, very simple, and it goes across your various devices.  Take a look at the article to see if any of the apps might help you be more productive (or get more sleep!)

In my last post I wrote about 7 reasons partners lie, hoping this might help you better understand the lying that you or your partner might be doing…and even that lying can be rational, even as it is not healthy for the two of you. Now it’s time to explore a more nuanced understanding of the ways that lying hurts you and your relationship.  My hope is that once I lay this out for you, partners who are inclined to think lying is ‘not such a big deal’ or that they only tell ‘little white lies’ will reconsider.  Lying, as it turns out, hurts THEM as much as it hurts the relationship.

When I talk about lying problems in relationships, I'm not just talking about partners with ADHD.  Either partner can lie...and lies also exist in relationships in which there is no ADHD.  But there are some ways that the presence of ADHD increases the chances that one or the other partner will lie.  To be able to chart the best course to move away from lying in your own relationship, you must first understand why the lying is happening. Choosing to lie is a decision that is made – not typically a beneficial one for a relationship, but often a logical one at some level.  Understanding the logic really helps.  There are at least 7 common reasons partners choose to lie, which include:

Is lying a part of your relationship?  Are you eager to move past the lies to a more trusting partnership?  This is the first of several posts that will deal with lies and rebuilding trust in relationships impacted by ADHD.

Adults with ADHD often suffer from co-existing conditions that can make their lives – and the lives of their partners – even more complicated.  Here is a list of seven of the most common conditions that ride along with ADHD and information about why it's important to understand if you have any of them.  The numbers included here are taken from multiple research studies:

Traversing the territory of helping a partner with ADHD find the best treatment for ADHD can be like walking across a minefield.  There is a great deal of danger, and you’re never quite sure where it will come from.  Here are some tips that can help make the process easier:

"Of all the activities on the internet, porn has the most potential to become addictive," reports Gary Wilson, quoting a Dutch Study on the topic.  And, do you know why it's so hard to do research on internet porn use?  Because it's use is so common they can't find adult males who haven't been exposed to internet porn!  But the downside potential of addiction is very real, and it (like so many other things) has to do with brain chemistry and (you guessed it) dopamine and the brain's reward system  Wilson does a good job of providing the details in this TedX Talk.  My thanks to Nancie Kohlenberger for sending it to my attention.

If you want more on porn, go to this very popular post - 9 Reasons Why Porn Hurts.

“It is not me nor my spouse that is broken.  It is the relationship that is broken.”  These wise words were posted in the forum not too long ago.  A breath of fresh air and some great perspective – so much clearer than blaming your partner!

Chances are, you’ve heard that tone of voice.  The one that sounds demeaning to you…aggressive…just short of an insult and a put down…the tone that puts your teeth on edge.

Chances are also good that you’ve not only heard it, but used it yourself…and your partner hates it.

What happens when you are your partner reach an impasse about how to move forward in your relationship?  I got email today from a woman who wrote about how she and her husband are ‘stuck.’  She wants to work on repair, while he expects her to ‘act like nothing has happened in the last five years and move on’…including have sex together.


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