When you and your spouse are first exploring whether or not ADHD has been a factor in your marriage it can seem both a relief (finally, a reason that explains so much!) and a bit overwhelming (ADHD seems to be everywhere!)  Some with ADHD resist thinking about how much ADHD can impact their relationship because it makes them feel "broken" or lessened.  I asked myself the other day - does it matter if you label it ADHD? >>> Read more >>>

Married to Distraction: Restoring Intimacy and Strengthening Your Marriage in an Age of Distraction, by Ned and Sue Hallowell, with Melissa Orlov, is being released on March 16th.  It's available for pre-order right now, and one of Dr. Hallowell's assistants put together a Valentine you can print out if you wish to order a copy for your Valentine to him or her know you were thinking about them.  It's a terrific book (I've read the whole thing) which got a starred review in Publisher's Weekly.  Here's a good description from Random House: >>> Read more >>>

There is a standard "joke" that "on the internet they'll never know you're a dog".  As it turns out, we have our very own "dog" on this site.  For those of you who have been concerned about a poster named "Clinging to Life" and the histrionic responses of "Normal Mom" I would like to share that sad news that they are the SAME PERSON (also the same person as "Wild Child").  We know this from the log-in/out records for the site.  Incontrovertibly, these "three" people are one person, using the same computer.  Within minutes of logging out as one identity the user would log back in, from the same computer, under a different user name.  Unbelievable! >>> Read more >>>

Both ADHD and non-ADHD spouses have a tendency to feel as if their own vision of the world is the way that the world really "is" - this feeling is human nature.  We have many years on earth, we've learned certain things about how the world works and who we (and others) are in relation to what's around us.  So it can be a revelation when we have the courage to step outside of our own view and try to see the world through our partner's eyes.  Doing this can be very healing for a couple because in so doing you validate your partner.  You don't have to agree with the choices your partner has made, but just acknowledging the validity of your partner's different perspective - that his or her logic is internally consistent and is a legitimate way to see the world  - can start you moving in a more positive direction.  This may seem basic, but it's amazing how much it gets in the way. >>> Read more >>>

I'm editing the section of my book that has to do with developing empathy for your spouse.  I found many descriptions on this site about what it feels like to be the ADHD spouse, but have had less luck finding good quotes about the feelings that come with being the non-ADHD spouse.  There's lots of "this is what my life is like" and comments about how people do/don't get along with their spouses, but less about their dreams/feelings etc.  If you would like to write a paragraph or two about that below I would love to read it, as would the other readers at the site, I expect.  Thanks. >>> Read more >>>

As I've mentioned in a number of my posts, my ADD spouse and I separated several years ago because I just couldn't take dealing with his ADD issues any more.  Even though he had been on medication and in counseling for 10 years, there were still many problems, especially in the area of communication.  As our marriage disintegrated, the communications got worse.  So when we decided we wanted to try to salvage our marriage, my husband's counselor (who also knew me from some joint counseling sessions we had done) suggested that we should try a different approach to communication >>> Read more >>>

What happens when an ADHD partner takes responsibility for ADHD issues, but still struggles to make things go smoothly?  Here's a good example of the process that couples go through to find a balance that can work for them. >>> Read more >>>

I was reviewing some research recently for the book I'm finishing up and came across an interesting bit of info that provides insight into why so many with ADHD perceive that "nothing is wrong" while their spouses see things differently. >>> Read more >>>

When you're trying repeatedly to get an ADHD spouse to "respond" to your requests it's hard not to get into nagging mode.  But non-ADHD spouses need to avoid chronic nagging patterns if they are to be successful, happy partners.  This is much harder than it sounds.  It's scary to think back to your past and all of the times that you weren't nagging and things - sometimes really critical things like bill paying and picking up kids and getting jobs - didn't happen.  You suppose that if you stop nagging now, those same patterns will emerge (and you are probably right, at least short term). >>> Read more >>>

At our house, the holiday season has always been a special time of problems as well as joys.  The excitement of the holidays, the additional social interactions, the special demands of gift-giving and receiving, and the departure from routine all may be either especially stimulating or especially stressful -- to all of us, but especially to those in our family with ADD.  We always want to have a happy, loving, yummy holiday time.  Instead, we typically would either end up all yelling at each other, or in tears, by the time the holiday actually arrived. >>> Read more >>>