Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.
These couples share their stories because they want you to know that you really can turn things around, even if you can’t imagine it now. They were all really struggling, just like you. All wondering if they could actually make it. You’ll hear about their experiences in the video, but here is a bit more of their backstories…
Section locations: Beginning - 5:16': Intro & what their old lives were like
5:17 - 9:00': What these couples changed
9:00 - end: Their lives now
Cheryl and Bill
Cheryl and Bill have been married for 36 years, 12 of which they spent separated after Cheryl couldn’t take the chaos any more. They were brought back together by their youngest son’s football games. “We started going to the games and tailgating with the other families, and I recognized the man I had fallen in love with all those years ago. The humor, those blue eyes, all of those wonderful things. It was really charming, and so we started seeing each other again. But all the problems started again just like they did so many years ago…”. It was not until they found out that Bill has ADHD, and learned about the ‘ADHD Effect,’ that they could finally turn things around and fall in love again…happily reuniting their family. This wasn’t like a light bulb going off – they had a lot of work to do. As Bill says, “I think like most people, I was probably resistant to the suggestion I had it…”
Cook and Stephanie
Cook and Stephanie both came from difficult family backgrounds. Cook’s father had decreed that no one was allowed to show any emotion in their family, depriving him of the emotional security and attachment everyone needs when growing up, while Stephanie’s mother was extremely controlling and repeatedly told her she was unwanted. They had a strong commitment to staying married, but they had not been happy in their 45-year marriage. Cook described them as “two people living in the same house but not really having bonded together. We knew something was wrong, but we didn’t know what it was.” Stephanie was chronically angry, and Cook was off in his own world. When Cook retired from being a university professor, though, things took a significant turn for the worse. By the time they found me, they “were at each other’s throats” and Stephanie was ready to call it quits. Cook, always quiet in any event, had retreated completely into what he calls his ‘turtle shell.’ Learning about ADHD and its impact has been a complete breakthrough for the two of them. They have not only finally connected with the love they both need, but they have felt safe enough to deal with other issues they brought to their relationship.
Kathy and Teri
When Kathy and Teri first contacted me they knew about the ADHD, but were in crisis. This marriage, which had started off as so special, was falling apart and neither of them felt safe or heard. They wanted to support each other, but instead “it felt like we were fighting all the time. It just seemed like every day or every week there would be a day we would just spend the whole day not talking to each other.” They struggled with all of the classic issues around ADHD and responses to ADHD – who is in charge of whom, how to communicate respectfully, how to correctly interpret symptomatic behaviors, and more. Now that they have learned how to ‘try differently’ around ADHD symptoms they have a happy and relaxed life, filled with love and family.
A big thank you to Richard Rodriquez, who put this film together!