arwen's blog

After being unemployed for over a year, I recently returned to work at the company from which I was laid off -- when business got better, they called me back, doing similar work but on a different product.  While I had been unemployed, my ADHD husband's job had heated up, and I had taken over more of the household responsibilities to more evenly distribute the total effort.  When I was asked to return to work, we knew it was going to be a big adjustment -- his job was still very busy, but he was going to have to take back his household responsibilities, because I was going >>> Read more >>>

One of the things that I have heard and seen time and time again from many people with ADHD is that there's no point in their trying to meet expectations, because they will always fail. My ADHD husband used to frequently tell me this.  And I understand the feeling.  I've been through that experience myself, even though I don't have ADHD.  I have felt the despair and the sense of just being completely beaten down by what other people do with ease.
>>> Read more >>>

I recently finished reading a book by William Ury, "Getting Past No:  Negotiating in Difficult Situations".  This is not a new book (originally published in 1991), but the subject matter is timeless, and is applicable in all aspects of life.  Although my purpose when I purchased this book had nothing to do with ADHD, I was simultaneously amused and astonished at how much of the material that the author covers is exactly what I figured out in adressing issues with my ADHD spouse when we were having serious problems.
>>> Read more >>>

I've been "away" from this forum for several weeks, coping with my ADHD spouse's annual Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) complications.  I had had high hopes for this year -- we had come up with carefully determined formula for taking his seasonal meds and using his light therapy and it seemed to be working great.  During years where he doesn't follow his program, we usually aren't talking to each other by the end of January.  This year we had a delightful start to the new year, and I was hoping that for the first time in 20 years, we would be able to hold onto the progress >>> Read more >>>

As I've mentioned in a number of my posts, my ADD spouse and I separated several years ago because I just couldn't take dealing with his ADD issues any more.  Even though he had been on medication and in counseling for 10 years, there were still many problems, especially in the area of communication.  As our marriage disintegrated, the communications got worse.  So when we decided we wanted to try to salvage our marriage, my husband's counselor (who also knew me from some joint counseling sessions we had done) suggested that we should try a different approach to communication >>> Read more >>>

At our house, the holiday season has always been a special time of problems as well as joys.  The excitement of the holidays, the additional social interactions, the special demands of gift-giving and receiving, and the departure from routine all may be either especially stimulating or especially stressful -- to all of us, but especially to those in our family with ADD.  We always want to have a happy, loving, yummy holiday time.  Instead, we typically would either end up all yelling at each other, or in tears, by the time the holiday actually arrived.
>>> Read more >>>

As I've mentioned in many of my posts, I am by nature an impatient, angry person, not at all shy of conflict.  I've always felt that there was so much that I needed and wanted to do with my life, and nowhere near enough time to do it.  I like people and having a  good time, but to enjoy myself and fulfill my life responsibilities, I needed everyday life to move right along.  I had a fairly short fuse, and anybody who got in my way or made it more difficult made me mad.
>>> Read more >>>