Check out the video section at the Caddac web site. Amazing video lectures!!
The 3 ADHD Executive Function videos by Russell Barkley take a little time to watch, but will really help you understand your spouse. He talks about the problems with self regulation in a way that I could finally understand what was happening. Best of luck.
(Note from Melissa Orlov - I took the link out of the title area, and put it in the body copy of this post so people could follow it.)