Contact with other women with ADD/ADHD?
Posted January 9th, 2008 by ccs
Hello!
I would like to get contact with other women who has ADD/ADHD or men who is together with a woman who has ADD/ADHD. I´m from Sweden and I´m 37 years old and have just discovered that I have ADHD. I eat no medication yet and I´m in the process of a diagnosis.
I´m afraid to tell my fiance about this, he doesn´t know tha I have ADHD.. We don´t live together so he doesn´t see me all the time, and all the things that I do...
I have a child, a son, who is wonderful to me. He´s 17 years old and lives with me.
// CCS
Contact me on this e-mail: u2@live.se
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Educate Your Fiance About How Great ADHD Can Be
You suffer from the shame that many people with ADHD have...but please, please, please tell your fiance about your ADHD diagnosis. The basis of any good relationship is honesty, and as you can see from the posts on this blog, ADHD in a relationship is best handled front and center!
I suggest you read "Delivered from Distraction" because it looks at ADHD from a very positive point of view. There are lots of great things about having ADHD which you can celebrate (like creativity, compassion, etc.) You can share Delivered with your fiance, also, if you feel comfortable with what you read. The more he knows about ADHD, the better. I think he'll be grateful that you were honest and that you trusted him enough to share this momentus news.
As you move into treatment, make sure to take a holistic approach, that is one that looks at exercise, nutrition, habit changes and the like as well as possible medication. (And don't settle for a med that has bad side-effects!)
One woman who has ADHD and also a great understanding of how ADHD affects women is Sari Solden, who is one of our guest authors on this blog. I'm going to send her your question, and hopefully she'll have a chance to answer it in full.
Melissa Orlov
Thank you for this answer!
It made me feel a lot better and more confident in myself.
I have bought 3 books now and I will try to read them with open mind. I have hard to accept this one day and the other day I am relieved that I finally know why I am like this.
My father doesn´t accept this, in his eyes I am lazy, messy, careless, slow and so on, and he thinks that I care to much of other people. Maby thats why I´m scared to tell my fiance? I don´t know..
I´m very happy that I finded this page! In Sweden there is not so easy to talk about this, because people doesn´t know much about it. Especially women with ADD/ADHD..
I have a good contact with a woman who has a haelth -food shop and I have told her about ADHD and she gives me advice in natural treatment as vitamins for example. Like Omega3 wich is good to take and I try that now. I´m not so interested in medical treatment, but if the doctors say that it would help me I could try it. I also go svimming regulary, routines are importent.
Thank you again for your answer!
//CC
Resources for Women
There are a couple of yahoo groups for women with ADD / ADHD.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ADDmirableWomen/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/addwomen/
There also a chat every Thursday at 9:30 pm EST for women with ADD / ADHD at:
http://www.addconsults.com/Resources/chat.html
Tara McGillicuddy, SCAC
http://www.taramcgillicuddy.com
My name says it all
You have a 17 year old son who is wonderful to you. That's a tremendous accomplishment for anyone, let alone a person affected by ADD who has raised a son while she is untreated and unmedicated.
I encourage you to start to work with your doctor on appropriate medication as soon as you are certain of your diagnosis. Melissa's advice is all good. I am now working to add exercize and nutrition into the mix. However I dont advise this because I think it will make you a better person; rather I advise it because it will make you feel much better, less overwhelmed and less fatigued.
"There are lots of great things about having ADHD which you can celebrate (like creativity, compassion, etc.) " This is absolutely true! We live in world that unfortunately prefers check book balancers to mothers who raise loving sons. Never forget that your fiance is incredibly luck to have the opportunity to be involved with you.
This is my first post on this site. I'm so glad I saw your post before I replied to some of the horribly angry negative posts from some of the spouses of ADD sufferers. If you are just coming to terms with having ADD, I advise you to avoid reading some of the posts on these forums. I thought I was an old hand, but after reading a couple of them I was terribly upset.
WOMEN with ADD
I f he love you it would not matter, tell him that you have ADD because he will find out in a way you don't want him to find out. This is the time you might consider taking him to a doctors appointment, give him reading material anything that would educate him to ADD. People think having ADD is a curse, to me it is a blessing. Most people with ADD are special people who are inciteful , caring creative and unique in the way they interpret the world. Marriage has it own stressors be open and honest form the start.
MJ
Explaining ADHD to Fiance
You can contact other women on my site at sarisolden.com. I have a discussion forum there where you can start a conversation. Hopefully soon I will have more groups to talk at specific times on a regular basis so keep checking my website. Begin by reading some books about women as well. There are references on my site.
You are right that the most important thing though is to connect up to other women with ADD. This will help you feel more sure of yourself, help you to accept your diagnosis, and most importantly, really understand your strengths and gifts. Then you can put more of your focus into using your gifts. You will then feel stronger to communicate with your fiancé.
Start by just describing what is difficult for you as well as what you are good at rather than labeling yourself or characterizing yourself in a negative way. Instead of “I’m a slob or I’m so disorganized or I have ADD”, start by planting seeds such as “I have difficulty balancing my check book,” or “I am very good at understanding peoples feelings,” or whatever is the case for you. “I have trouble filtering out the noise when we go to parties,” or “I get overwhelmed with too many things to do at once,” or “I really want to listen to you – let’s make a special time and place so I can give you my full attention”. As Ned Hallowell says “no one has a perfect brain.” When you start describing your strengths and challenges in this way, this will actually let him know you more fully, improve communication between the two of you in all areas, and give him permission to let you know the areas in which he struggles as well!
Good luck!
Sari Solden, MS, LMFT
sarisolden@aol.com
www.sarisolden.com
Getting Married!
I have ADD and will be getting married in September of this year. When I first started dating my fiance, I remember looking in his closet one day and seeing each of his shirts hung perfectly on the hangers (none were askew) all ironed and facing the same direction. My heart sank because I thought, "A guy like this will never accept me."
I was wrong - he's been supportive and understanding of me. He actually gives me a lot of help with household stuff that's usually "women's work" - like organizing the refrigerator and tidying the house. He's also doing a lot of organizational work for our wedding - i.e. compiling the guest list with addresses, booking hotels, etc. He actually grew up with a brother with ADD, so maybe he knew what to expect! He seems to see my ADD characteristics as evidence of a creative and artistic personality, and is quite accepting.
He still gets annoyed from time to time, but I am working on some of my habits.
I can relate to CC's dilemma because I also had a father who judged me rather than trying to understand the problem and help me with my weaknesses. I hope CC's fiancee will be supportive of her.