Recent Topics

  • by: LePetitPrince85 - 14 hours 45 min ago

    Hi,

    After several years, I've realized my partner is high-functioning ADD. He has blurts and doesn't hear me a majority of the time, although he tries to do well. My self-worth was very badly damaged, but I love him and I am realizing that I fell in love with someone with a disorder. I'm a professional, bull-headed type who has never responded well...but now I understand that he can't help it.

     

    Here are my questions: 1) How can I make him realize that I want him to learn, but it's a two-way street? I have a therapist I'd love to share, but it's "leading a horse to water"...

    2) How do I handle the hateful blurts? I'm an "affirmation" guy, which makes things very difficult. 

    Really, any help is appreciated - I'm new at this. I could use any advisement, but I probably identify best with the high-earner ADD spouses. The confused, German-car driving spouses that drink because they don't know why they're not up to snuff any longer. Please be direct and stay on track - let me know what's worked for you, and we can exchange experiences. 

  • by: lauriejs - 21 hours 20 min ago

    I haven't been here in awhile but had a huge fight with my husband last night and I'm feeling in need of some venting.  I'm 3000 miles from home because we are out of state attending my father-in-law's memorial service.  My FIL died a couple of months ago so all of the planning and preparing was done before we got here.  We couldn't fly in to help right after he passed because we only had the money to make one trip (because my husband hasn't worked in a couple of years) and my MIL wanted us to be here for the service.  I had been saving for a small vacation anyway so I made arrangements to come be here for 4 days for the family then go on vacation for 5 days about 3 hours away from MIL's house so we could relax afterwards (I haven't had a vacation in years).  But things have now blown up in my face and my husband says it's all my fault.

    Ever since I arrived I've been cooking for his relatives and helping out.  I've done the grocery shopping and errands because there was nothing here to eat and lots of things that needed to be done (even though we had been told everything was taken care of).  My husband on the other hand has been preoccupied with his boat.  He wanted to take it with us on our vacation, and I know he will make my life miserable if he doesn't get to take it, so he has been busy repairing it so it's sea-worthy while I cook and clean and shop.  So two nights ago while we are eating dinner he makes some negative comments about the food that I had prepared.  Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it but he had to say what comes to mind and he was critisizing how I seasoned the meat.  As usual, I just jokingly played it off even though I was hurt and embarrassed.  (And by the way I seem to have to do this every time we go somewhere because he is always opening his mouth and making a fool of himself or being rude to someone for no good reason). Then last night he did the same thing and that was just the last straw.  I got up and walked out.  Today I have been alone all day and tomorrow is the service.  I don't feel like going because I don't want to see him and I don't want to be around his very ill-behaved grown children.  I was planning on just getting a flight back home this afternoon but the price was so expensive I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Plus I will lose the full amount I paid for our vacation rental.  There is nobody here for me to talk too because they are all his relatives and I can't call and talk to my friends and relatives because they don't understand why I'm with him in the first place.  I feel very alone and I just want to run away!

    It seems like my life now consists of me crying or us arguing.  I have a hard time letting things go when they affect me too.  I also have a hard time dealing with his lack of filter (what comes to his mind comes out his mouth) and the procrastination and the lack of work ethic (he says he isn't going to stress himself out working jobs that are demanding and so far in our 8 years of marriage he hasn't found one that isn't).  All of the stress is always on me.  Funny how I wasn't stressed before we married and I was doing the same job I am now.  But now I have a grown man-child to care for who always seems to be causing some sort of problem and I find myself constantly stressed and angry.  I'm sick of the name calling and threats when things don't go his way.  I feel like a fool to have stuck around this long but every time I threaten to file for divorce he starts making threats about destroying my life.  UGH!

  • by: CrystalBlueSunshine - 22 hours 8 min ago

    Hi;

    I am a type A, disciplined neat freak. I am married to an ADD man and have been with him for 21 years. We have two children and a lot of family responsibilities. I am so exhausted, stressed, angry,and desperate. I have no one to talk to, no one to help me, no hope, no life because I go non-stop every day, all day, and most of the night. Haven't slept in two days. If my family knew the truth of my existence they would hate my husband forever and insist I get a divorce immediately. They are probably right but I am embarrassed and utterly and completely destroyed by what this ADD has done to me and what used to be my life. I can't even imagine any kind of support right now but I'm putting myself out there. Can anyone give me any hope at all? 

  • by: CrystalBlueSunshine - 22 hours 30 min ago

    Hello everyone:

    Gosh, after reading so many of these posts I see that I am not alone and it is interesting to see that my husband has almost the exact same issues as everyone here. I have been with this man for 21 years and have two children: one has ADHD and I suspect the other one does too. I have more empathy for the children because they are children but this man is driving me to the brink of insanity. So here I am. I count my husband as my third child which is embarrassing and ridiculous to me. I am a type A, very orderly, neat, person and I live with three people who cannot seem to manage their lives in any way. My personality type is probably the reason this marriage has lasted this long.and honestly I would have ended the marriage the first year except we had our first child by then and I wanted to give it my all for the baby's sake. My story echoes many of your stories here. I met my husband at work and he was charming, funny, cute, compassionate, romantic, and I instantly liked him very much. When I went to his apartment it was messy which surprised me because on dates his car was always neat and clean. This probably should have been my first clue but he was so great I thought no big deal, if this works out I can tidy that up it's ok. I thought once it's clean it will be easy to maintain. (Later he said his car was always cluttered with trash and so much stuff but he wanted to impress me so he cleaned it) and collected all the trash before each of our dates. He was so romantic, wrote me poems, brought me flowers and cards, was very attentive, held my hand, hugged me all the time, he was so great and I couldn't believe I had found someone like this. I first noticed the big change on our wedding day of all things. At the reception he ignored me, went around socializing and dancing with everyone except me. His wedding toast was about something random and had nothing to do with me, our wedding, or us a couple at all. I thought that was very strange and was embarrassed that he talked about something so obscure, so un-romantic, and so bizarre. I'm sure every guest was puzzled as well. I sat at the wedding table alone most of the night wondering what had happened. The honeymoon was mostly more of the same. He paid attention to other people most of the time but it still hadn't sunk in for me. I got pregnant right away but that wasn't planned: my doctor told me that, because of my history,  it would take a year to two years for me to get pregnant so we should not use any contraception because it was not needed and boy was he WRONG. I was surprised but thought ok we are married so let's do this. We were both working full-time and he worked many hours a week. He left early for work and came home late from work. At first when he didn't come home on time I worried that something had happened to him. He was fine and showed up hours late, happy as a clam, because he was socializing with his colleagues. Despite me asking him to call me if he was going to be late, so I didn't worry, he never did and this pattern continued and continues to this day:21 years later. So many parties and social events I have sat alone. Many New Year's Eve parties left me alone at midnight while he was off talking with others. Oblivious to me and what midnight on the New Year entailed. I looked around and all the couples were together and I was usually alone. He never contributed to the household chores, shopping, cleaning, everything was my responsibility even waking him up and keeping him on schedule. It was hard. I mentioned it to his mom who became instantly angry and told me that I was a poor housekeeper and if I couldn't take care of the house then I needed to hire a maid. His mom's husband has ADHD and she does everything for him and seems to enjoy it: of course she didn't work and had a housekeeper and a nanny. I couldn't afford to hire house staff lol I thought it was a ridiculous thing to say but I kept it to myself and kept on doing everything. After a while I became angry and resentful. I made him sit down with me and went over my talking points one by one and he said he was sorry, he didn't realize,and he would start doing his share. I was satisfied. That wasn't so hard. He did not follow through and continued to live his life as a single man while I literally did everything including taking care of the baby except when he was in daycare: I had to work full-time on top of all of this. He said we couldn't afford for me to quit or even to go part-time even though he made close to six figures a year with great benefits. I sucked it up. Over time I sat him down countless times and he always said he would change. He never did. Finally it got to the point where I told him if we didn't go to counseling I was going to file for divorce. He became angry and nasty and refused to go to counseling so I told him I would go by myself and if he didn't want to even try that was on him. He finally agreed to go but he really didn't participate. By this time we had two children and again he did nothing. Even if he was off the next day and I had to work (usually 13 hours a day) he refused to get up with the baby or our other son. If the children were sick it was all me. When he was sick he was an invalid on the couch not being able to lift a finger to help himself. We saw the counselor for almost three years, yes, three years. I learned that all of my problems with the marriage stemmed from this ADD and so my husband went to a doctor and was diagnosed and started medication. He kept saying there was no change but he did start doing 5% of the family responsibilities and I thought well it's a start. He never progressed beyond 5% and many times he went back to being a single male who ignored me except when he wanted sex. His life was his work and his parent, his friends, anything but me and the children. He was absent even when he was home: always watching TV alone, on the computer, sleeping, or "helping" all these people he barely knew with odd jobs and such. The years went by. I became more tired every day, was getting sometimes as little as two hours sleep taking care of the family responsibilities, the two children, and him while working full-time at a brutal job with long hours as many as 16 hour a day with no breaks. He worked 8 hours a day but always stayed after work to socialize.  I left work, picked up the kids, went home to a house that was a mess. My anger, resentment, and exhaustion grew even worse. I told him that we had to move near my parents because I couldn't do all of this and I needed help. He agreed to move. I left within three weeks and he promised he would follow soon. Two years later he was still five hours away, at his same job, in the same house, while I lived with my parents who helped me so much. They taught my children to read and write and played with them and they were wonderful. I was able to sleep and the house was clean and my parents were always there for me with a hot meal when I got off work and the children bathed, read to, and tucked into bed. They knew I worked hard and they were worried about me. Again I threatened divorce and demanded he move and be part of his family. The children had forgotten who he was and didn't know him at all even though he came to visit once or twice a month. Finally, he quit his job and moved and we got a house together. It was the same. I did everything. What things I couldn't do like mow the lawn, fix stuff in the house etc. fell to him but he either never did these things or did half of the job or kept putting me off. He put in some flooring 12 years ago and it still isn't done. So many projects ignored, half done, and he became angry when I reminded him. At this point he is at his worst. He can't remember anything,misses birthdays, even the children's, and all special events. He hasn't given me a gift or flowers or a card in years and years. I do all the holiday shopping for both families, wrap them, ship them, etc. He still works a lot and goes in early and stays late. He changes his work schedule frequently to accommodate his job and his coworkers at a moment's notice which wreaks havoc with my full-time job, child care, and all the responsibilities. When the children are sick he refuses to call out of work to take care of them so I have to call out of work. I almost lost my job over this several times. Lately he has developed strange behaviors like moving the furniture around to make himself more comfortable. Stacking things on top of every surface so stuff falls on the floor and he doesn't see it. Throwing his clothes all over the house. Not noticing the dog needs to go out you know in like 14 hours so the dog goes to the bathroom in the house every time I go to work. He doesn't notice it. The trash overflows he doesn't see it. He leaves drawers open every day. If he takes something out of the refrigerator he leaves the door open. No matter how many times I ask him to fix his ways he gets mad or ignores me and he keeps doing it. The house is not messy anymore it's a nightmare. I am so stressed out. I cannot go to work and then work in the house every waking moment. On the rare occasion he cooks he cooks only for himself and messes up every surface in the kitchen including the floor and leaves it there. Sorry, I know I am writing so much but I think I just need to put this out there to help relieve my stress. So now I haven't slept in two days, my hair is falling out, my blood pressure is up and my doctor wants to put me on meds, I am losing weight, I have headaches every day and backaches too. The worst thing is I have started having anxiety attacks and the anger of course. Such anger. He won't talk to me, ignores the children, and lives his own life coming and going as he pleases without regard to the family. I had to reduce my hours at work because I can't afford childcare and my parents moved far away. Now he tells me I have to go back to work full-time because we can't pay the bills but he refuses to refinance the house or trade in his gas guzzling car which eats up about $600 a month in gas alone.I am in college full-time and working 30 hours a week and still doing everything at home. He is a messy and dirty guest in my home who ignores the family. He has major bouts of anger and he is impatient and obnoxious when he interacts with us. 21 years of this. Today I BLEW UP. He took one of my children out of school, I found out after the fact, and put him in online school saying he was going to take responsibility for the7 hours of school work a day.  Ok so my son is ADHD and is completely irresponsible, immature, and un-disciplined. When I pointed out that this was a very bad idea, he should've discussed it with me first, and I felt it would eventually fall to me and it did. Keep in mind I work 40 hours a week and drive 10 hours a week to and from work, I have four classes in college which I am now failing because he won't help at all. I noticed today that one of my son's teachers sent an email stating my son might be expelled from online school because there were so many things not turned in. I asked hubby about it and he said no they were turned in. No they weren't I just printed out an inch thick stack of work that has to be done. On top of that he was supposed to have an online meeting with the teacher today. I asked him should I do it and he said no he was going to do it. He promptly lay down on the couch and went to sleep a half hour before the meeting. I had to do it. We got in a huge fight in front of the kids because when I showed him all the work that my son was missing he started yelling at me, saying  thats enough, stop talking, etc.I lost it. Started screaming back. He yelled some more for me to shut up and then turned his back on me to go online while I am still yelling. He is extremely rude for the last 8 years or so. After that he went back to sleep and I spent hours on school work with my son and neglected my own college projects. It is likely I will be kicked out of my program in December because I just cannot do all of this for four people and do literally everything. He is still sleeping five hours later. I cry everyday. I don't think I can live with him anymore. The only thing that could save our marriage is if we don't live together because he makes more of a mess than the kids and the dog combined. I do dishes twice a day, pick up soda cans all day long, pick up clothes off the floor, I mean it's like he has a party at the house every day it's so bad. Stuff everywhere. Things spill? They are left there. I once left some spilled cereal on the table with the bowl and all to see how long it would take for him to notice. Four days later I cried as I cleaned it up. I feel like I die a little each day. Now I get chest pains too and I think the stress is going to kill me. So here I sit. Alone, writing this novel of a post as a form of therapy I suppose. Again I apologize I have 21 years of frustration to vent. I looked at rentals today and am starting to plan how to move out. It is hard. I feel I am at the end of my rope and I am now in survival mode. I don't know how he is going to take me telling him that we need to go to counseling again and if he doesn't change I am divorcing him. I am DONE. In any case even if the marriage "survives" I don't want to live with him. He is a surly, rude slob who does nothing to help the family. The yard is a mess because he won't mow the grass.  His car is so full of trash, old food, cigarette butts all over, just crap everywhere. His dashboard is covered in papers and crap about four inches high. You can't put your feet on the floor cause it's covered in trash, papers, wires. He sometimes takes half of the junk from the car and puts them in boxes and stacks them up on the porch and the living room. the couches,every room of the house has boxes overflowing with crap, the  furniture in the house is covered in papers, wires, trash, it's starting to look I we should be on the TV show Hoarders. I am completely desperate and have no one to talk to, no one to help. I can see no hope for this relationship. I am so angry I could spit. I feel like I cannot even broach the subject of moving out, counseling etc. because I know he will yell and then I will scream it's over I want a divorce and I will leave. That will legally make me abandon the house and put me in a worse situation. :""(     Ok sorry I'm exhausted mentally and physically and haven't slept in two days and have to work 14 hours tonight, Saturday, and Sunday. Please forgive me this super long rant. I feel a tiny bit better. By the way what I have written here is the tip of the iceberg....

  • by: Standing - 1 day 4 hours ago


    1,  act in an excessively subservient manner.
    "she didn't have to kowtow to a boss"

    synonyms: grovel to, be obsequious to, be servile to, be sycophantic to, fawn over/on, cringe to, bow and scrape to, toady to, truckle to, abase oneself before, humble oneself to; More
    curry favor with, dance attendance on, ingratiate oneself with, suck up to, kiss up to, brown-nose, lick someone's boots
    "she didn't have to kowtow to a boss"


    2,  historical
    kneel and touch the ground with the forehead in worship or submission as part of Chinese custom.

    synonyms: prostrate oneself before, bow (down) to/ before, genuflect to/before, do/make obeisance to/before, fall on one's knees before, kneel before
    "they kowtowed to the emperor"

    My husband recently used this word in reference to his behavior toward me. He said, "There won't be any more kowtowing around here." This was his response to my refusal to accept his Telling me Like It Will Be.

    So this is how someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and ADD views his own actions when he is trying to appear to be a decent human being.

    He's done nothing extraordinary whatsoever. The previous couple days, he did wash his own dishes following his late meal. Nothing else, At All. But clearly, in his mind, he has gone so far above and beyond what he considers to be his responsibility, that it could be considered servitude?         Wow.  I always knew his actions along this line were fake and fleeting, but I had no idea that doing one small task made him feel so small and servant-like.

    **************************

    And a tidbit observation from the battlefield here:       18 months ago, when I was not on board with his unilateral decision to start his own business, suddenly I began finding multiple bath towels on the floor and some in the hamper. It's like all of a sudden, he was going through towels like crazy, instead of using the same one for several days, as usual. Please keep in mind that Towel Useage has never been an issue in our household. I have never once spoken of towels or taken issue with his handling of them. This is something in his own head, possibly from years ago, a previous relationship.   SO -  here we go again. This morning, my hamper is full of towels. None on the floor, but extra used ones ready to be washed. I could not possibly care less, but.... wow, weird.

    Just a look inside the mind of a forgetful narcissist, who - when he actually tries to do what he knows is the "right thing" - feels reduced by it somehow.

     

  • by: LonelyOne - 1 day 6 hours ago

    I have been on this site many times over the years and felt both hope and despair based upon what I've read. Now after 15 1/2 years of being in a relationship and 10 years of marriage, I truly am ready to throw in the towel. My wife was diagnosed in 2001, based upon an ultimatum that I made. Being in the mental health industry, I knew that she had ADD and her symptoms were so bat that I wasn't willing to spend one more day with her if she didn't go get evaluated. Sure enough, she was diagnosed ADD and has been on several meds since then - but that's about it. She has been to life coaches, several counselors and they all do the same thing, give her tools to help structure her life, but she NEVER uses them. I do admit she's gotten much better with the inappropriate outbursts, now stopping in mid-sentence saying "sorry ADD moment", which is great, but I need more because the blame game and what I see as competitive tit-for-tat is always soon to follow. We constantly sport bicker, which I hate, mostly because of her un-empathetic attitude.  .

    Like countless numbers of other Non-ADDer's, my story doesn't vary much. She's worthless around the house, yard, kitchen, grocery shopping, terrible with money and ruining both our credit, secret loans, etc. She doesn't have a romantic bone in her body and intimacy has always been and issue, but when we do have sex, it is amazing, which has been the main reason I stayed after wanting to leave many times. BUT, four months ago she pretty much walked off the job and I was left to support us solely until she starting a new job a few weeks ago. We made an agreement that she would take care of the house and the cooking while she was out of work, but that only happened a few times. Mostly she just sat around being depressed and watching TV. During that time, what little of a flame I still carried for her flickered. Then when we went on our 10th wedding anniversary trip, which I paid for using business points from travel since our budget was now nil, disaster hit. We had received awesome news just a day before leaving. She was notified that she got a new job paying more money. Now we knew we could have a little more financial freedom on our trip and I was ready to celebrate. On the day of our anniversary, which was originally supposed to be a beautiful recommitment ceremony that we had been talking about for the last 10 years, now just a dinner out of town because of her unemploymet, we got into a fight because she acted like it was nothing special other than just a dinner out of town. We semi-made up, me giving up, and then we went to bed without touching each other. The next night, she offered to "take care of me", but didn't want to be pleasured herself, because "I'm too nervous for my job next week."  Are you kidding me, you don't want sex all summer because your depressed, then you don't want it because you're too nervous about GOOD news on our 10th wedding anniversary vacation! The flame went out in that moment and I just can't get it back. That was all that was left good between us. I wish it was more than that at this point in our life together, but the sad truth is that is all I was clinging to.

    The other thing is she is passionate about nothing. In the past she had a thing about tech-y items so I spoiled her with everything trying to make her happy. It did for a short while, but now she doesn't even play with her gadgets. Unlike the ADHDer's, my wife doesn't hyper-focus on anything and she has NO hobbies. Not one, unless you include bitching about both the good and bad things at her job. She has one friend that she sees a few times a year, but other than that its just me. I too have lost many friendships over the years due to taking a work from home job, however, I write, paint, workout, hike, bike, work on the house. She literally does nothing unless I nag her about it, which strangely she likes, but I am absolutely tired of.

    I gave her another ultimatum today, find an ADD marriage counselor for us today or I'm done, this is follow up to a request to find one three weeks ago after our return from our trip. Now I'm wondering if I should just ask her to move out for awhile so she can be accountable for herself and I can stop the whole parent-child trap I'm in. So many of you have and I can't tell if it helps or it's just the last step before divorce.I do love her so deeply, but I don't want to be miserable the rest of life just to accommodate her and her unwillingness to take her illness seriously.  Please help!

     

  • by: swanr1 - 1 day 15 hours ago

    So I'm somewhat new to this but I rather get a head start and work toward change now and be able to enjoy my relationship before its completely ruined. I feel that most of what I'm dealing with is similar to what everyone else is dealing with. Heres some of the things that I'm trying to work with:

    He lies and lies and lies some more. I can usually tell when hes lying but he says he lies because the truth would make me mad. 

    He's very short tempered and gets very angry or sad within a short notice

    It's very hard for him to break bad habits or things that Ive told him not to do (ex. smoking, playing rough with my old dog, cursing in front of my young nephew) 

    He gets completely fixated and passionate about unimportant things (his current fixation is getting a loan or saving up for a dirtbike) 

    Hes easily unmotivated when some part of a plan falls through (currently trying to go back to school for the 3rd time) 

    He was diagnosed with ADHD as an adolescence, just recently he went back on Adderrall but is using a lower dose than he did as a kid. I'm trying to understand that some of his emotions and decisions are fueled by the ADHD but I'd like to see a change. I dont know where to start and I'm not sure what to say to him at this point. It's really hard for me to forget what hes done and I cant find a reason to trust him anymore if hes just going to continue to lie. What can I do to change myself? Like what should I do to make sure I'm not setting off his triggers or how should I handle situations when I catch him in a lie? He has told me he wants to up his dose and Im not sure if that will make things better... any advice is appreciated! 

  • by: Brokk - 1 day 21 hours ago

    I believe my ADD is escalating rapidly as I get older.  Is this common?

    I have had a mild form of ADD since early childhood.  I always day-dreamed a lot in class.  I had trouble following along with what was going on and what was being asked of me. I often was confused by directions or misunderstood the meaning of what was being said.  I was never a very good student.  I couldn't listen *and* take notes.  I was bad at planning long term projects.  The list goes on.

    I was highly functional as an adult.  Held steady jobs, was looked to as an expert in my field.  I could read, work, do tedious tasks for hours on end without difficulty or complaint.  I traveled and used to teach. I never thought I had anything like ADD.  Then my first short marriage failed miserably after 3 years.  I blamed her of course.  However I sought counseling and rebuilt myself and my life.  I went back to being a success in other areas of my life.

    6 years later (age 36) I started my second marriage to a brilliant young successful woman. I have never been so blessed in my life.  We were very happy together.  We had two lovely children and had what seemed to be the same typical struggles that couples always have when they first have kids.

    Around age 44, my wife and I started having a series of arguments that are absolutely typical for an ADD household.  She would insist she told me something, I would insist she never did.  I was starting to forget things and was in denial over it.  Over and over these arguments happened with increasing frequency.  It was driving us both crazy.  I spoke to my Doctor, she said "Eh, these things happen as you get older.  Don't worry about it".  It was destroying my marriage.  I did research.  My wife did as well.  She suggested ADD (my son had been showing signs of ADHD for years at this point).  So I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed.  He said my case was very mild, but since it was driving my marriage down the path to a divorce, I should try medication.  It was *great*.  It was like wearing prescription glasses after squinting all the time to see things.  I was able to think clearer, remember things, keep up with her in a conversation.  It was a life saver.  It didn't last.

    After a couple weeks, the dose lost effectiveness.  So we went up a notch.  Worked great for 6 weeks.  Then another raise.  Good for a few months, then another raise. Six months later, again etc.I finally topped out around 40mg/day extended release.  I was at that level for about 4-6 months, then I started having sleeping issues and we had to back off.  We have tried other medications, but eventually just returned to the generic Aderall at 30mg/day, plus a couple boosters.

    The problems is, even when fully medicated I am still have issues.  Sometimes I forget small things.  Sometimes it's big things.  I will get confused over instructions, misread emails.  It has taken me months of screwing things up to finally admit things are quickly declining.

    To recap - until 5 years ago (age 44) things were going along pretty well.  ADD had no significant impact on my life or marriage.  In the last 5 years, I have gotten so bad that even medicated I am making mistakes and forgetting things on a fairly regular basis.  My marriage is in a shambles and even with full time counseling for both of us we are barely holding it together. Is this sort of rapid decline normal, or should I be looking for some other cause for my deteriorating faculties?

    I have had zero luck on the internet finding any correlation to aging and ADD getting worse.

    Brokk...

  • by: c ur self - 2 days 19 hours ago

    I've read so many posts on this forum about behaviors that hasn't got one thing to do with ADHD...In my dealings and study of the effects of ADD/ADHD (a busy or fast mind)  it makes it hard for children and adults with it, to think all the way through a specific thought. Many seem to experience an urgency or fact void that cause's a quick action.  Or in some, the opposite, a withdrawal, or zoning out... In most cases it isn't chronic, but can have that appearance in some. But, it seems to come and go, making it as unexpected to them at times as it does to the bystanders.. Thus comes the signs and actions that are connected to this phenomenon. In some there is few to no outward signs, but others can deal with many effects...Poor listening skills, Distractibility, Restlessness, Time management difficulties, Many  become adrenalin junkies, Many show impatients, and can be quick to anger. I think much of this anger is based on the inner frustration of living with ADD and also the feelings of being misunderstood, and/or being judged wrongly. Many non-adders feed this anger by assigning motive and judging intent, when daily having to face these unpleasant actions. Which, snow balls because of the inability of a fast mind to rationalize and put it into perspective. A person with ADHD is just as shocked at times by what they just did or said (blurted out) as the bystanders. Looking into their own hearts and minds for the answers and finding none can bring on hopelessness for them. Which can cause depression and denial. (They like the non's just want it to go away) At this point the more insecure and immature will try to live up to their feeling of worthlessness.

    ADHD is not an excuse, nor is it the cause for an adult who decides to live an Adulterous or Fornicating lifestyle or any other open sinful acts...Many who deal w/ ADHD are believers who are filled with the spirit of The Most High God...And are faithful loving Mates....So many of us have used the Term ADHD as a broad brush to cover over a spouse who is lost, and living an openly sinful and degrading lifestyle...If I was being subjected to this behavior...I would leave today.

  • by: Autumninme - 2 days 22 hours ago

    Hi All,

    I have come here seeking advice from those that have dealt with this scenario. I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. He impressed me with being attentive and going out of his way to make sure I knew that he liked me. He is all ready to move in and bring our two families together. I have been noticing things starting to surface that I see have been mentioned as "issues", such as; telling him about a rough day and him not even acknowledging it. He may as how was your day, I have started saying fine, as the couple times I said awful, I was never asked why or that it even mattered. Not there for me at all emotional. Though he is quick to want me to listen to what is wrong in his world. I am also worried about the sex issue that I have read about, not initiating or seeming be distant. He is constantly telling me things I need to do around the house and is quite blunt about things not taking into consideration how it would be taken. He gets very upset if he feels he is not appreciated for what he may have done any little thing. I know he loves me and really thinks we can make this work, but after reading comments and other articles I am having my doubts. I am sure this would hurt him, however; I was in a relationship once that I had to do it all and I don't want to go there again, don't want to make a hasty decision either.  Advice,,,,please.

Pages