Recent forum posts (all topics)

Sleepless here. Vacation with children, their father’s absence so painful. 

There’s much talk about healthy boundaries. One’s supposed to make one’s own and enforce them. When codependent, one has let things get out of hand, which makes for unhealthy compromises. 

In the movie, Christmas Vaction, there's a scene where Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase ), is standing in the front yard with his family, after just going through a humorous ordeal, putting up more Christmas lights on his house than anyone in town. This is exemplified by the fact, that the power grid is browning out due to the extra demands from his house alone.

In his joy and exuberance, he shares his adulation with each family member as they congratulation him on a job well done. Until he comes to Art ( Smith ), his father in law.

I fear that my 15 year marriage with my husband may be coming to an end. We both have ADHD, diagnosed just a few months apart within the last two years, and despite a lot of improvement, things have taken a nasty turn. There seems to be a total communication breakdown and I don’t know how to come out of it. 

I know ADHD leads to miscommunications, but I’ve come to realize that EVERY “miscommunication” ALWAYS leads to less time together, less intamacy and certainly a lot less sex. This is a had pill to swallow. The repeated message that me and my needs are not only unimportant, but contemptible and if I voice any need, it’s yet another example of how insensitive I am to her ADHD. This is manipulative BS. I feel invisible I feel unimportant, I’m feeling done. I’m not perfect, but I’m a pretty good catch, but any demands on her time, no matter how small and inconsequential she bristles.

This week has been a struggle. I am feeling constantly disappointed and ignored. I find little things daily that my ADHD wife didn't follow through on, or didn't listen to me about. 

Does anyone have any suggestions to make things better (other than divorce)?

In person conversations get forgotten, lists and reminders ignored. Intimacy is non-existent. I'm struggling to see what the upside of this marriage is.

I am amazed how often now I have these thoughts run on in my mind.  What I learned with new perspective is this....

I wish I woulda...

• been MORE verbal.  So often I shut up so to not cause a scene or because he would raise his voice louder and meaner and use vulgarity to shut me up if I spoke my mind. We ended up not talking very often.

• not worked so hard trying to DO everything for us and the kids physically. I wish I woulda been more of a manager and less of a slave.

I recently reviewed my journal, and I'm realizing that I've been in a consistent struggle to get some kind of favor from my ADHD wife in four years of marriage. She consistently abuses and oversteps our marriage by criticizing me and devaluing my contribution. She also makes up narratives where she is the victim to the "high standards" of simple marriage duties (like chores and spending time together). She is resistant to handling ADHD, even when I try to claim responsibility for my reaction to her symptoms.

Guys, help. Anyone else have some practical or experienced suggestions on how to deal with multiple neuro diverse-ness in the same house? 

I've been learning a ton about ADHD recently, and things are making sense in my marriage as to why things happened. Now, I feel the need to restructure and make sure boundaries are established.