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  • by: overwhelmedwife - 1 day 14 hours ago

    Anyone else experience this?

     

    I can't tell you how many times my H has told me that various things are "broken" when they're not.  Usually, he doesn't have them plugged in, or he isn't using it right, or some little thing is not set up correctly, so the item won't turn on.  

     

    Within one day, H declared that three things were broken.  With each declaration he would look sternly at me and say, "it IS broken, you don't have to look at it."   Each time I would go over, quickly look the situation over, and figure out how to turn the item on.  With the DVR, it simply was the case that H had put fingerprints all over the DVD (which I've warned him 100 times about), with another it was his laptop, and he hadn't noticed that the connection at the "box" in the cord had come loose, in another it was with a lamp where the outlet is tied to a light switch.

     

    What strikes me as odd is that when he reaches a "barrier," he gives up and declares it broken.  He doesn't think outside the box or try to find solutions.  No, he just declared them broken....and will loudly say that they're broken so that there's no need for me to look at it.

     

    This morning we were driving a long distance in a rental car.  I asked H why he wasn't listening to the satellite radio (which I know he loves).  He claimed that he tried it, but it only has one station.   I went to try it myself and he gave me an annoyed comment that I needed to just believe him.  I flipped it on, went to Satellite I, and then turned the tuner and all the channels were there.  None of this is rocket science.  This was just basic stuff.  What the hey???  Satellite II and III also had a bunch of channels.

     

    It's bad enough that H does break things frequently, but it's really annoying to have him insist that certain things are broken when they're not.

     

    Anyone else have this going on?

  • by: Dunnowhatodo - 2 days 1 hour ago

    hi, I'm new here. I was diagnosed with ADD long ago, was put on meds and when my mom didn't like the effects, I was taken off. My grades suffered and I never did graduate. I was 2 credits short. I never did blame ADD. I took on the idea that ADD wasn't even a thing. I was just a slacker. Well fast forward to recently. I saw an article about ADD and while scoffing, decided to read it anyways. I was astounded by how many boxes I ticked. I probably wouldn't give it a second thought if my relationship wasn't suffering.

    my partner chooses not to believe ADD exists, and refuses to aknowledge it. I don't even call it a problem, it's only a problem if you choose not to do anything about it. im considering seeing someone about it in private, but I don't like secrets.

    I know I can't rely on his support but I feel like if he were to find any evidence of it that he would leave me and our daughter.

    i can't go on without treatment. My life is chaotic and I struggle to finish things and get organized. It's killing our relationship. We had a huge fight today because he came home and the house was a mess, like a huge mess, because I was trying to do 5 things at once and he was about 5 hours early. I explained this over and over that it was going to be perfect once it was finished and that I didn't have a chance to finish.

  • by: sev15 - 2 days 4 hours ago

    Hey everyone,

    I am so glad I found this forum. I literally googled how do I handle my ADHD husband not being able to get to work on time? This forum was in the search results. I just spent a little while reading some of the posts. Oh man is it a relief to know that there are others. I thought I was the only person on this earth crazy enough to put up with some of the things that go on.

    One of the current problems is that he is late to work all the time. We can’t seem to beat it no matter what we try. His bosses constantly council him and ask what is going on ect. For a few days to a week that will work.  I will jump on him and nag him like a mom getting their kid up for school but then the moment I lay off he falls back into the same pattern.  He has time blindness which we work on constantly and is not so much of a big deal in our home life because I can remind him but there is only so much I can do when it comes to his job. In the past it has been so bad that his work has actually asked him if he has a drug or alcohol problem. He doesn’t, neither of us have ever drank or used drugs.

    What is happening right now:

    He has to get a physical for work by August 31st so that his insurance doesn’t go up by $100 next year. He has known about this since March. He had an appointment for two weeks ago for blood work which he got done and then the following Friday was supposed to be his physical. That morning I woke him up with an hour and a half to get ready to leave.  He got up and got dressed (slowly) and sat around until he only had 15 minutes to get all the way across town. He of course didn’t call and tell them he was running late.  By the time he got there they canceled his appointment and told him there were no more openings until September 9th.  So instead of waiting to be worked in he left.

    I was/am having my own problems that I struggle with (insomnia, anxiety, and depression) and that day was a particularly bad day. When he came home and told me about it we had a big fight.  Then I finally went to sleep. He did too only he was needing to wake up in time to donate plasma so that we could buy our dogs some food. Since I didn’t set a clock he didn’t even think about it so he woke up right when the place was closing. I ended up cooking for the dogs that night so they could eat.

    The next day Saturday he donated plasma and got $25 which he used $14 of to buy pizza on the way home.  The dogs got cheap dog food with extras from the fridge added in. Saturday night we also went to work on our place that we are building(a whole other story). The insulation that we have been working on since the beginning of the year finally got finished. In the process he hurt his back.

    So this past Monday when his upper back was still causing him pain he decided to stay off work and get an appointment with the doctor that we are switching over to soon. He wanted to be seen for his back and see if they could get his physical done before the end of the month. So he took off work fully knowing that he didn’t have the hours to cover a full day. The doctor gave him a muscle relaxer which of course made him sleepy.

    Today Tuesday he didn’t wake up until close to when he should have been leaving the house for work. Still he leisurely got showered and dressed for work.  He texted me earlier that his boss talked to him about it all and suggested that he should look into counseling through their system at work and maybe consider stress leave if things are that hard for him. I text him back and said no we just need to change your habits to get you to work on time. It is bad work ethic to take off because you are having time and attendance problems.  I guess that made him mad because all I got for a reply was an O.K. and then he didn’t call me on his lunch hour which he normally does. So I decided to call him. He was annoyed and started griping and then accusing me of being mad at him for thinking about taking stress leave. I explained that I am not mad. I just think taking off isn’t the answer but I think we just need to do things differently and get more organized.

     I have suggested in the past for him to use his phone to set reminders and alarms. He has tried that but he doesn’t seem to have a good time concept to set them by. He has a leave now alarm with he will completely ignore. I mean what do you do with that? Ideally when a leave now alarm goes off you should grab all your stuff and walk out the friggen door not turn it off and take another bite.

     

    I know that he knows he isn’t doing things the right way because he is always verbalizing how he is screwing everything up. He has and understands the tools that he needs to use to fix the problem but he just doesn’t change the behavior himself. I can’t do it for him because it doesn’t stick. The minute I loosen the reigns he just goes off everywhere.  I am very scared that he will lose his job and things will get worse again. He has had this job for 8+ years and is finally getting reports of doing solid work from his bosses. Quite literally his only problem in that area is his time and attendance.

    So for now I have set five different cell phone alarms for in the morning all five minutes apart. That way if they are snoozed they will stack up and annoy him out of bed. I am going to try and have his lunch ready to go the night before as well as some breakfast with protein or some sort. Also I am going to ask him to shower and lay out his clothes before he gets into bed at night instead of in the morning.  It sounds good, but who knows how it will actually happen. He usually doesn’t hear me because he is angry or having a pity party.

    Doctors appointment this coming Friday with blood work results I am praying that they don’t tell him he is diabetic. I really don’t want that for him health wise and I selfishly don’t want the added stress of dealing with the diet changes. That sounds horrible but there is already so much to deal with.

  • by: Geese - 4 days 9 hours ago
    After months of trying and realizing how futile it is to get a wife who hates your ADHD was to see you as anything but an idiot, I have asked for a separation. We still live together and our child is not aware if he break. Its a little awkward but I think better than before. Here are ten reasons why: 1) Renewed intimacy. Before I stupidly went about life hoping that I can somehow miraculously earn affection and sex by not being myself for long enough. Now I can relax and if a woman finds me attractive I can pursue. about half a dozen women seem interested. I feel like a man again. 2) Clearer mind space. Spending all my time caring what my wife thinks limited my already cramp attention span. I literally got no work done since even when on ADD drugs I spent so much time trying to impress a woman how hated me more than anyone else in her life. Now all we do is plan how to pay bills. My mind is relaxed. 3) More self respect. No matter what effect ADHD has I know I am not an idiot. I actually am smarter than average and have a successful role as a salesman at work and a demanding role I do well in the military reserves. With no wife to embarrass me in public or berate me 24/7, the truth that I am worthy of breathing air is easier to see. I was getting worried I'd just shoot myself one day - now, even with no meds its honestly the last thing from my mind. 4) Better parenting. My wife seems to respect me more now. I initiated this separation and we are both diligently doing our jobs at parenting. Less fighting and less tension means a happier child and more work-like cooperation with another adult that you don't have to express any feeling towards We have yet to define the details of what this arrangement means. She has been avoiding the discussion only insisting I move out and give her all my paycheck of course (I am the breadwinner) . No thanks. I'm still a parent and we still have limited resources. Lets be roommates and define what that means. Let's see if her non-ADD mind can work with me to answer that question.
  • by: Anonymous (not verified) - 5 days 12 hours ago

    Can use some insight here. I'm in the process of recovering from a relationship from a guy that mentioned he had add in the beginning of the relationship. I figured it was issues with focus with work & whatnot...boy was I wrong. This site has helped me tremendously to better understand what has really happened the past several months and that I'm not crazy. Experienced the hyper focus in the beginning it was very extreme. But I was overly cautious and wanted to pace myself throughout the entire relationship and he felt like I rejected him constantly. Said the "I love yous" after we were dating for about a week and marriage was being brought up from him around that time also. He is divorced with children so I wanted to pace myself for that reason as well. He had emotional affairs that he told me were a part of his past and he blamed the marriage for it (red flag I know) and come to find out recently he got caught up in the flirtations again so I ended the relationship. He feels horrible for what he has done and is seriously seeking counsel to defeat this area of his life so I applaud him for that. He gets extremely combative with his family and blamed everyone else for his problems (and I took it hook line and sinker) for the victim mentality instead of taking responsibility for his mistakes to bring about true change of character and maturity. At first we were supposed to take a break for him to continue counsel but the way things have been unraveling I might have to officially call it quits. In one week I received emails or texts of him apologizing profusely and saying I deserve another man to treat me better, says he shouldn't date for a long time until he gets these issues sorted out, he feels like there is hope for us, the several I miss yous, back to I deserve another man to treat me better, then taking a break like originally planned. I can't help but feel he is only in the hyper focus stage again for him to get what he wants. I have not responded to him out of haste or anger; I have been incredibly calm throughout this entire scenario and I thank God for that because I know my words would have made this so much worse and I didn't want to leave a negative impact of regrets on my part. I am so emotionally exhausted and saddened how distorted his perception really is and I absolutely cannot be co-dependent to this type of relationship that keeps unraveling into further confusion. I had no idea how much the add played a role in this until after the split; once I started to do my research it's like a bomb of 20/20 hindsight went off & my eyes have been officially opened because it explains his personality accurately. There have been so many times he would say things without thinking first that came across pushy and insensitive; especially recently because he isn't getting what he wants from me not responding and keeping my boundaries in tact. Any feedback would be appreciated here; I'm not trying to place judgment or point fingers I seriously considered marriage with this guy and no telling what is going to unravel after this break so I can use as much wisdom as possible from people here who are more "seasoned" in this type of relationship. Thanks & God bless

  • by: pbshriver - 6 days 3 hours ago

    ADHD,

    I have come to loathe your name; in fact, I don’t want to give you any recognition by having a full name.  I want you to have only initials.  It is hard enough for me to recognize and accept your existence.  I won’t dignify our relationship by letting you have a full name in my mind.

    I imagine you are a dark entity….shadow-like…..dressed in camouflage so you can infiltrate a life, a family undetected.  I know that you operate in stealth, quietly and patiently waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting.   You are devious and operate without remorse.  Your victims are more than just the people who are diagnosed.  They include the loved ones affected by that diagnosis as well.  The more pain and frustration you can cause, the happier I think you feel. 

    I think you have been around for centuries, perhaps since the cave man, but it is only in recent years that you have been given a name (or initials).  You should know that we are actively working to eradicate your symptoms.  We have combined forces and sought out medical science and psychological support to minimize the damage that you do.  You will not win this fight in the end.

    I can write down all of the feelings I have toward you, but I know deep down that will not matter.  You do not care about me or my family.  You are simply lying in wait for your next victim.  However, I will share this anyway….why?  It will put in black and white the pain and confusion I have and perhaps even the anger I hold in check.  Maybe by getting it all down on paper, I can release some of that control I feel you have had over my life.

    First, you invaded my life through my son’s misdiagnosis.  I think you relish in the thought that what he was eventually diagnosed as was something that only presented like you.  I picture you sitting there with a smirk and snickering as we tried multiple medications and dosages only to learn later that you had tricked us.  You weren’t really there…..it just looked as if you were.

    Then as time went by, it wasn’t good enough that you tried to invade our lives through my son, you went after my husband.  You stayed submerged for more than half a century and then you reared your ugly head.

    I hate you because I don’t know what is really “you” causing certain behaviors and what may merely be an excuse.  I hate the fact that he can’t remember conversations because of you.  I hate the fact that I sometimes don’t feel loved or important because of you.  I hate the fact that he disconnected from me, from his family and from his home life because he can only handle work OR home…..and it wasn’t us that he chose.  Perhaps ‘chosen’ is the wrong word, I don’t know the right word for this part of your infiltration.  Should I be upset that my husband can handle multiple tasks and projects at work, but at home, we are seemingly way down on the list of importance?  The books say it is not him thinking, rather it is the disorder showing.  My…..but you are a confusing entity.

    This other bothersome symptom that you cause….hyperfocus…...It is where you steal a person’s ability to be fully aware of what is happening around them.  You allow them to focus only on a certain thing and it is not always the thing that is right in front of their eyes.  The proverbial “forest for the trees” had to have been penned by a person with ADHD.  I hate this symptom the most I think.  I don’t understand it.  I cannot comprehend how someone can’t see what is right in front of him….a person begging to be talked with, a person asking for an emotional connection.  No matter how much I did or sacrificed for him, it was rarely noticed.  Because of you, he could not see that I was trying to connect……No, because of you, he could only recognize on one thing….. physical touch or more specifically “sex”……something I quit giving when I felt no connection.  Talking in a drastic generalization, I feel as if I might have well not been there and everything was for not. 

    I feel that because of you I wasted the last 10 years of my life.  I am angry with you because of all the times I did something I didn’t really want to do or like to do for him, and you kept him from seeing those things.  This hyperfocus that you have created made him think only of sex and that left us miles apart.  I know I don’t want that to become the only barometer for a successful relationship, but because of you, I feel like that is all he will ever be able to see.

    Your hyperfocus symptom led to resentment building over the years……so much resentment that I don’t know where to begin to break it down.  So much resentment that I now expect failure and the resentment to automatically follow.  I assume failure before we ever get off the ground.

    I despise you ADHD because I feel that all of the things I did or times I scarified were for the most part a waste.  The books say I am not supposed to stop doing those things just because of your diagnosis.  The problem is I don’t know if there is anything left to give.  The well seems empty.  I am spent.  My motivation has been torn away by you.  I don’t want to give so much of myself….and only for a chance at happiness with no guarantee.  Is that what you do ADHD…….steal from people until there is nothing left but an empty shell?

    I allowed you to make me a person I don’t like…that I don’t even want to be around.  I am angry and bitter.   The hurt has made me put up the walls I worked so hard to tear down so many years ago.

    As I write this, I get angrier and angrier.  I am so mad now that I have changed my mind.  You don’t have a face.  You aren’t dressed in camouflage.   You are a virus….undetectable by any known scientific method.  You are like a cancer that no one knows is there until Stage 3.  You may have degrees of severity for your diagnosis, but once you are there, you cannot be eradicated, only treated……and then that is a wait and see.

    How do I defeat you?  How do I live with you being such a strong presence in my life?  How do I stop the fact I let you control so much of my happiness?

    How?

  • by: Seriously Again - 6 days 11 hours ago

    My ADHD husband grew up with parents that constantly bailed him out of one mess then another time and time again. I suppose it was easier to bail him out and do it themselves than have the patience for him to learn and fix it himself. So when we got together our dysfuctions worked together. Twenty years later I realize that there were dysfuctions and I have realized mine and been on a path to correct mine. In the process we found that he is ADHD and let me tell you that diagnosis really answered many questions from over the years. 

    I have learned to set boundaries and such and my life has become healthier and more aware. My ADHD husband has grown some, but it's baby steps.  I would not be with him still if it wasn' for the fact that he is trying to overcome some of his behaviors etc. 

    However, many of the issues that my husband has not been able to improve, on some days can be so bloody frustrating and just UGH!!! Not paying bills on time, getting in trouble at work, lack of follow through etc. I try and do as much of the important stuff myself so to eliminate reprocussins. LIke paying the elcetric bill etc.

    I try not to bail him out becasue he needs to reap what he sows. But when faced with a situation that he has gotten us into, I feel like I have to step in and fix it, or my whole family will suffer. This is what gets exhausting. He is not going to change...and I don't know what I am going to do, I guess one day at time for now. I love my husband, but I have resentment and trust issues with him.

  • by: Seriously Again - 6 days 12 hours ago

    I have come to the conclusion, at least with my ADHD husband, that it's either accept him just like it is, or walk away. He is not going to change, I think that is the bottom line with adhd, you decide that you either accept things how they are or you don't and walk away. You have to let go of expectations. In my marriage, my husband's pros are that he is very supportive of me and what I do, he is affectionate and he wants to do better and in his own slow progress he does try a little.He will do what I ask him to do, pretty consistantly.  On the cons, he procrastinates, avoids responsibility, gets easily distracted and is impulsive and has no follow through. He can not be trusted to take care of the bills. He can hold a job, but the pay is very irregular, and our credit is usually shot from it. Some days I am fine with the way things are and other days I wonder how long I will hold out before I run away screaming. 

    Today is an ugh I am so sick of it day....

  • by: overwhelmedwife - 1 week 1 day ago

    In our culture, there is a certain financial expectation for adult men living in a committed relationship.  When that is disturbed, it seems that serious household dysfunction nearly always follows.

     

    When men have ADHD, anxiety, depression, PDs, bi-polar, or other issues that prevent them from being consistently employed or self-employed with earnings that adequately support him and at least a fair-share of the household, there seems to also be a common theme of anger, money mismanagement, procrastination, impulsivity, mistreatment towards their wives/GFs who are supporting the household and doing nearly everything.   The wives/GFs are naturally annoyed that the household burdens are unfairly falling on their shoulders, sometimes completely.

     

    I have only known one instance where such a man did not display anger or disrespect for his wife and is very good with money and somewhat took care of the children.  He did cook and clean, but his inability to socialize outside the home, and his lack of emotion (aspie maybe?) and periodic procrastination, would occasionally cause troubles.  The troubles were minimal enough that the high-earner wife has chosen to just accept these things as a minor, but livable, flaws.  

     


    I would suggest that this man's ability to control his temper, relatively good home-management, and his excellent money management have been his main saving graces.  From what I have gathered, he has social anxiety, some depression, and maybe some schizoid PD or schizoid-typal PD. He is extremely cynical and somewhat paranoid.  He has never had a friend.  He is married to the only person he ever dated; the result of a blind date set up by his sister.  He is highly educated, so he was able to succeed in that area.  He is fine to talk to in his home.  I have had numerous conversations with him.  

     

    However, the fact that his high-earner lawyer wife has the type of job that includes a certain amount of socializing, it has been an issue that her H will not come with her ~ somewhat due to his social-anxiety, but really mostly due to the fact that people are naturally going to ask him, "What do you do for a living."    He is able to travel, and they do take two luxury vacations each year.  I think he's able to do that because there are few opportunities for people to ask him questions about what he does.  

     

    Now, getting back to the more typical situations where the man isn't regularly employed, has anger, procrastination, extremely annoying habits, etc....


    The dignity that comes from being the "breadwinner" or at least a "fair share" contributor cannot be underestimated for males in the western culture, and probably other cultures as well.  Most men "know" that they are judged by what they do for a living, how much they earn, and how they provide for their families. 


    I think that men who become essentially "moochers" in their homes "know" that they're not living up to the expectations of our cultures definition of how men should be.  I think that this realization manifests itself in increased anger, resentment directed at their wives/GFs, and so forth.  


    I think that much of the anger that is directed at their wives/GFs is some kind of projected anger or is some kind of reflexive anger because these men "know" that their wives are "doing the man's job" while also often doing the "woman's job, and that their wives are likely disgusted by the situation.  So, instead of responding by living up to the culture's and their wives' expectations, they rage and insult their wives for being the constant reminder of their own shortcomings - even if the wives are nearly silent martyrs.  These wives don't really need to say much to their husbands, the guilt is going to be there regardless.  

     

    Of course, many wives aren't probably silent martyrs and probably do occasionally express dissatisfaction in their husbands.  Any justified complaints often get discounted or twisted, and the wife is often told that she's being a nag or worse.

     

    It is one thing when a mentally-stable man stays home to truly manage the household and children because the wife's job pays enough to support this family composition and role-switch.  I have seen a few (very few) instances where this has worked well.  The men in these instances are very hands-on parents, and probably more in touch with their "feminine side" (I don't mean that disparaging), because perhaps they were raised in a household where they did a fair amount of household chores, took care of younger siblings, planned and executed organized plans, etc.  However, since our culture tends not to raise young men to be "caretakers" of young children or households, many men cannot fill this role very well.  


    It's also another thing when an otherwise healthy, working man becomes seriously ill (cancer, stroke, etc) and suddenly cannot contribute.  This discussion isn't concerned with cases like that. 

     

    For women who are in extremely annoying or verbally/emotionally/physically abusive situations where they are wondering whether things will get better, I can only conclude, "no."   Mild annoyances can be tolerated.  We all are mildly annoying to some extent.  But, anger issues and job instability are issues that likely rarely get better to the point that these people are tolerable to live with for long periods of time.   


    My own mentally-unstable H is somewhat of an exception because although he has many of the uglier aspects of ADHD, depression, anxiety, PDs, addictions, etc, after he finished grad school he was blessed to land in a well-paid profession that worked well with his strengths and where his weaknesses were long kept under-wraps.  It was only after 25-30 years that his job changed, and then the "fit" was no longer a good one, and many of the instabilities often mentioned here came out...missing work, confrontations with fellow employees, anger at bosses, unreliable worker, etc.  Luckily, these things only came to a head after he had 30+ years in his career and was able to retire comfortably.  Obviously, if his job had been a poor fit from the beginning, or had become a poor fit midway in his career, the results would have been disastrous.  

     

    Thankfully, H was always able to hold on to his dignity that he had a very long and stable work history, was well-respected in his field, was promoted regularly, and made a high income.   Although his behaviors got steadily got worse at home, particularly when his job was no longer a good fit, most of the outside world was unaware of what was going on.  During the last several years, he began drinking more and more, mismanaging meds, and became near suicidal towards the end of his career as the changes in his job exposed some of his most vulnerable areas.  

     

    I grew up in the 60's and 70s.  I never knew ANY fathers, living in the family household who didn't work full-time and fully support their families.  I grew up in a good-sized city, a good-sized neighborhood, had a good-sized extended family, and belonged to a large church, so I knew hundreds and hundreds of families.  I only knew of 2 families where the dads had abandoned the families.  Likely, these men would be the ADHD men that we see written about today in this forum.   I can only guess, since I don't know if after they left if they were regularly employed or not.  I only know that the moms single-handedly had to raise the family - no support, no visitation, nothing.  Again, all the fathers who lived IN THE HOUSEHOLDS were all fully employed.  Some may not have been high wage-earners, but they all worked full-time.  It was an expectation.  I suspect that the 2 families that I was aware of, had husbands/fathers who were either too unstable to work (ADHD? alcoholism?) and they were not permitted to stay in the home or they took off on their own to get away from society's and their family's expectations.

     


    I can only assume that back then, a man would not have been permitted to just "sit on a couch" all day, watching TV (no video games back them) and not bringing home a regular paycheck.   

     

    Something seems to have changed.  There was a time, it seems, that women would not have tolerated having husbands who didn't work regularly, or at least honestly attempt to work regularly.    Sitting around all day on the couch would not have been an option.  

     

    I'm not saying that things were perfect back then, hardly.  There were still alcoholics, abusive behaviors, cheating, etc, but there just didn't seem to be as many "unemployed or under-employed male couch potatoes" in family households.

    Thoughts?

  • by: LyraHeartstrings - 1 week 1 day ago

    I just realized that as I'm working my 2 jobs and taking overtime on top of that and barely making the rent and he's not working and just sitting there watching Law and Order or Star Trek, that our daughter needs to be registered for school. School starts Monday. He has said he's "very motivated" to get her into school (you know it's because he can get rid of her most of the day so no distractions from TV watching). He says he will drive her every day. That's the extent of his "motivation." 

    He has not done anything to actually get her into school. I have been homeschooling her the past year. Now he wants her in school but has not even looked up ANYTHING even though he has my second computer with access. All these months I've been mentioning things and he's ignored them because hey, I will do them, right?

    No. I won't I won't do it at all. I am done with him sitting there. He can figure it out. He's 43 years old. He should NOT need any help from me. I'm busy most of the day with all these jobs to keep a roof over his head and feeding him like he's my son.

    I don't think I should feel at all guilty for pushing this man to move and DO SOMETHING. It always falls on the woman as if we gave birth to our husbands or as if they're too stupid to live. We always have to take care of the kids AND them. 

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