Hi all, I am looking for responses of ADHD and non-ADHD spouses. W/O a lot of detail let me just say that my husband has a very big tendency to forget things and an even bigger one to lie about it to cover it up. EXCEPT the lies never make sense so it's normally quite apparent to me that he is not being honest. After our usual weekly blow-up (I know, this can't be healthy, right?) he says that I push him too hard. First, let me say that I am SO HAPPY that he communicated that to me (NO sarcasm!) b/c he normally just says I don't know to everything and it leaves me in a space where I am confused and don't know how to help us so this may be a start in the right direction. But now what do I do? Here are some of the things that I do normally "push" and according to him, too hard.
He has over drafted his account and took a few months (3-4) to get this taken care of to the point that it hit collections. I reminded him several times about it and probably even nagged but it was because it affects US (him, me, and the kids--3). I have been working on building our credit and doing so successfully, I don't want any issues b/c once I finish graduate school next year I would love to buy a home (it is my dream!).
Furthermore, we had an agreement about not making large purchases ($500) w/o notifying the other. Albeit this was my idea but it is b/c I have to make sure that we can both pay our half of the rent/utilities and he has not paid part of his bills before leaving me to pay them b/c he bought things for his hobby. WELL, he didn't technically make a purchase over $500 but rather FINANCED some tools for over $200 a month/6months. They were for work as he is a mechanic BUT this should've been discussed and NO I am not a power hungry wife at all this is why:
Turns out he was 2 and a half months behind on paying for the tools. Guess what? This also negatively affects our chances of getting a house in the very near future. He always thinks that I am trying to run him or am too controlling when in fact I am trying to keep things together. If I had known about the tools I would have made sure that they were getting paid on time by him since he typically need a reminder.
Lastly, about those tools^^^, he finally setup auto draft for the $500+ dollars to come out BUT he hadn't put the money in the account to clear it and thus... well it will get over drafted. He claims that he did put the money in 4 days ago BUT miraculously it hasn't appeared in the account. This is our typical situation, he makes up or lies about things instead of just saying he hasn't done it. I have pushed the last two days for him to contact the bank to fix this b/c for one, there's hundreds of dollars floating around who knows where and I also don't want the account he just opened back up to be over drafted AGAIN!
Everything I push for is something that is vital to our day to day living and the quality of our lives. I am not fussing about what he eats or if he washed his butt; however I am pushing for things that need to be taken care of so that we have a roof to live under, food in our mouths and a healthy life. Am I going about this wrong? am I wrong? what advice do you all have?