Recent forum posts (all topics)

I have not posted or commented for a year now, and so I apologize for the very long post. 

After reaching an all time low in December 2024, and giving my husband an ultimatum, to get treatment otherwise I would need to leave to save my sanity, health etc., 2025 went relatively well. The meds didn't solve our problems, but the effects definitely helped him to be more present, more attentive, more regulated, and this led to him picking up some chores and habits which DID help bring me back from the edge of burnout, and also start chipping away at 20 years of resentment.

I’ve been married almost 19 years. I almost divorced my husband 2 years into our marriage primarily because of his rage episodes. So much damage was done those first 2 years. Then disaster happened—his sister died a very sudden tragic death. I got sucked back in during that crisis and he swore he would change. He saw a psychologist and went on medication and for a while was doing much better. We also went to marriage counseling. He is currently on antidepressants and sees a psychologist, but I believe he lies to her. 

Sorry if this is long. I am currently trapped on a "vacation" with my severely (worsening) ADHD husband and his very dysfunctional family, including his daughter who is also seriously ADHD, I think even worse than her dad. There are rampant issues in this family with generational PTSD, ADHD, mental health issues, anger issues and substance abuse. I have a complex 14 year history with all of them, including helping to save multiple family members from death by drug addiction, and receiving no real gratitude or recognition of how awful that extended nightmare experience was for me. 

Six days out from leaving so I'm still living here....

But I'm no longer living inside "the systems emotional field". To be clear...I feel closure and resolution now...it's okay for me to leave....most of my immediate grieving is done. I'm going toward something not trying to get away. That's the litmus test I've been following. It's time for me to leave.

With that, I have clarity, that I didn't have before.  Moving forward...and leaving a system that is existentially bad for me...on a number of levels.

I have been with my partner for 13 months now, in our day to day lives out relationship is great but when we have an argument it spirals out of control, 

When we argue im accused of not loving her that I'm cheating or that I'm seeing someone else 

This isn't the case and has never been the case, 

I try my best to reassure her there is no one else but she doesn't believe me and states that I don't love her and never have, that I'm using her to pass the time,

privilege of a lifetime is to be yourself."

Viola Davis

I copying this from the weekly newsletter,  because I actually have something really important to say here.  And I also agree with the newsletters author in taking the same position as stated below.

Long after the ADD marriage has dissolved, I think about why it didn’t end sooner. 

It seems common that when people have children, ADHD symptoms and destructive effects suddenly go through the roof. Trust goes. This happened to us.

I believe oxytocin flooding new parents is a heavy reason for these couples not to split up. As is of course the terrifying prospect of not seeing your baby half the time, having to give up the dream of a united family, moving, parenting alone, supporting yourself financially if you didn’t before.

Hi I really need help. My non diagnosed ADHD partner blames me for all the problems in our relationship. I try to explain to him that I get to a burnout stage with him where I can’t handle all the ADHD traits, so I go quiet and try to get myself back to a good place to start again. Unfortunately he doesn’t understand this he thinks am being off with him and putting a wall up. 

My husband and I separated (my instigation) which was then the catalyst for him getting a diagnosis. Learning about how adhd has affected our marriage has brought much grief, pain and understanding. So much damage has been done that I cannot begin to understand how we might even reconcile or, what worries me more, if I even want to start to repair the damage and live together again as husband and wife. When I left, I was at the lowest point of my life, emotionally numb and exhausted. He is now medicated and committed to change. Have any others been in this position and made it work?

I’ve come to an understanding that I have been significantly impacted by my ex’s RSD. I expect to offend all the time, about anything. I’m become quiet and withdrawn and I often apologise or worry if something I said might have hurt anyone, or I preface simple things with please-don’t-take-this-the-wrong-way padding, eg: ‘this is in no way a criticism but does anyone know where the scissors are?’