all the cupboard doors are open in my kitchen

Is this ADD? 

Forums: 

LOL! Possibly! My husband has

LOL! Possibly! My husband has ADHD and he never closes anything! It drives me nuts. He will even start to close a door, but stop short. I have walked into the kitchen and found EVERY cabinet door open approximately two inches and several drawers the same way. He TRIED to close them all, but couldn't "close the deal"! 

People have talked about

People have talked about noise.  How about not seeing things?  My husband left a pair of scissors on the floor at the entrance to our living room.  I left them there and then pointed them out to him.  He could not see them until I pointed to right where they were.  I asked him to no longer help with washing the dishes because every time he did them, even after spending twice as much time as me, there would be food gunk left on them.  And when I asked him, the math whiz, to double check my numbers on a complicated tax form (online) last year, he didn't read any of the directions.  He said things like, "where did you get this number?" and I responded, "read the instructions."  Are these ADHD things?

Totally!!!

A million times I have been asked to go get something and been told where to look, then I stand there looking, knowing it's taking too long and yet again, the person will walk up "mad" and grab the item right in front of your face looking at you like you just didn't want to do it or frustrated at how long it was taking.

Example: The cereal row at the grocery store

Request: Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries (one of my favorites ;)

I could walk up and down the row 4 times before finding them. Everything basically is the same shape, too many colors, people all around and you feel like you are in the way, AND shopping is Boring...

ADD Oblivion... It's nice to be out of the fog ;)

oh my

Well.  This explains a lot.

grocery shopping

Why grocery shopping with my guy is.... is.... like ....  grocery shopping with a tired basset hound, two angry cats and a flying squirrel.  

funny

funny... the "wrong" side.  :)

Grocery shopping

Lol, while wiping tears! 

I shop for groceries, and live my life, with a severely ADHD (untreated) man as well as an elderly woman with dementia and advanced Parkinsons.  When we shop, he pushes the cart and plays with his phone. She navigates, poorly, in an electric cart.  I am the crazy woman with the grocery list, the pen, and the armload of groceries searching for the man with the cart (still playing with his phone three aisles back), while inserting my body into the path of the electric cart that is on dead aim for the wine display. (Thanks, I will grab a couple extra bottles while I'm here.) I am not even going to try to explain what this is like. Sometimes it is hilarious, mostly it is hair-pulling. Gardener, pretty apt description! Thanks for the levity. 

These two people are my primary sources of daily conversation and interaction. I really shouldn't wonder why I am losing my mind. Or drinking wine after shopping.

Love, strength, and courage to you all.

Ahh.. well I'm the one who

Ahh.. well I'm the one who does this. My husband complains that I leave all the cupboards open. Right now if I look into the kitchen I see 4 of 6 open. :D

I'm dying of laughter

I'm dying of laughter here.

This is very much my life too, except it is with an ADD spouse who turns Jekyll/Hyde in public depending on when he takes his meds, and a child who has moderately profound autism. The spouse at the food warehouse will not start at one aisle and work his way around the store no sir-eee -- he will go to aisle 1, then run down to aisle 30, run back to aisle 2, run back down to aisle 29 until somehow he ends up in the middle. Then he'll shoot off to opposite walls. He is like a molecule bouncing around in a hot room. I have given up following him around like that. Once he takes off, I let him, even though I still have the grocery list in my pocket. I nearly killed him once when he did the register zooming at IKEA.

Our child is tethered to me as he knows no danger or harm and will run into the jaws of a crane. Well, he is running the tether around my body in Maypole-style, or body flopping to create more drama so he can leave the store. You don't know how many times I keep my eyes down on the ground because when I look up, there's someone pointing and laughing at the spectacle.

Pbartender's picture

My wife is sometimes

My wife is sometimes surprised that I've never grown a mustache...  because the whiskers are right there under my nose...  where I shouldn't find them.

 

Pb.

yep, nothing ever finished - including closing cabinets etc

coats not hung up, clothes discarded wherever they were taken off, drawers and cabinets not closed, etc etc etc.........once, a long time ago before i knew my husband had adhd a friend of ours during a collective dinner we were preparing together yelled at my husband -- "YOU NEED TO GO TO FINISHING SCHOOL!"   : )   we all laughed at it then.   that was i WISH I KNEW moment because i really didn't get it at the time how big that issue was!   but of all the issues, this is not one to leave over -- however annoying it is.  it's the not finishing or following through on the things that REALLY MATTER.  WORK, FINANCES, etc.11

summerrhiannon's picture

I can so relate!

My husband leaves open cabinets, doors, bread, cereal ice cream out on the counter.  So, I totally can relate!  I use to think it was just laziness and would yell at him for it.  I'm trying to learn that it's actually not laziness, but ADD.

 

sounds like my ADHD hubby

This is so similar to my husband.  I noticed right away after we were married that he literally CANNOT finish a task.  It's not that he WON"T finish, I truly believe there is something in him that prevents him from finishing anything.  If he washes the dishes he MUST leave one or two pieces unwashed in the sink.  He will wipe off one of the kitchen counter tops and leave the other with crumbs and coffee spills.  He shows me the finished project like he is really proud of himself and gets really upset when I say something about the unwashed areas.  It drives me nuts... he also leaves cupboard doors and drawers standing open.

One morning I came into the kitchen and found the milk jug sitting on the floor in front of the fridge.  It was like he could only go so far towards putting the milk away and stopped short of opening the fridge door.   When I asked him about it he just waved me away as if I was nuts to ask him about such a thing.  What's up with that.

My house too!

My husband will "put away" the dishes out of the dishwasher and pile so many pans, bowls, etc into the drawer under the stove that it won't close. Then I can't reach the stove, the microwave or the counter. So if I go to cook, I have to spend the first 10 minutes reorganizing the drawer and the shelves so that I can close the cupboards and reach the stove. 

When I ask him about it, he says, there was nowhere else to put them. It never gets better.

Me Three!

I have reorganized the drawers, cabinets, closets and even took pictures and labeled shelved and after 11 years he still cannot put them away so that they fit(we have very small space so it is essential that things go back the same way).  He will load the dishwasher and leave the sink filthy.  I bought a wig because I have pulled so much hair out I need to be prepared!!

Same here..both DH and our

Same here..both DH and our daughter...and I literally found the milk ON TOP of the fridge after my DH had made himself a bowl of cereal not too long ago. LOL

She unloads the dishwasher sometimes and I never know where things will end up and they get put up in the cabinets in disarray. After so many years of not having anyone to help, I do not dare criticize how she does it because I appreciate the help so very much. That is one thing I have learned...just because it isn't done my way doesn't mean it isn't done 'good enough'. 

LOL

LOL

Funny...

One of the first (Of a long and distinguished list of my DW's pet peeves) was my not closing closets, drawers, doors and leaving the doors unlocked. Guilty as charged... Rarely now though after training from my DW and Adderall improving awareness. I believe this trait occured for me out of getting criticized/yelled at for closing doors, drawers and cabinets and making too much noise. (Another one in my DW's peeves) I am happy to report great improvements in these areas :) 

The joke in our house

is that when we get to remodeling the kitchen and bathroom, we are going to put soft close hinges on Everything!

THOSE are On My LIST!!!!

I have thought about doing this to all the cabinet doors in the house! So funny... My daughters are really bad about closing cabinets loadly. Maybe THIS weekend I will go to Lowes and end this torture once and for all!

It's not just cabinets! 

It's not just cabinets!  Doors, too!  My ADHD boy also slams the lid of a toilet, even as I'm telling him not to...  I've been working very hard since he was even smaller to teach him to be considerate as concerns noise.  I know it's because he's impulsive, inattentive, and excitable.  He also runs from one room to another loudly on our first floor on the weekends when it's my husband's turn to sleep in, especially before the meds kick in.  If he does these type of things, I make him do it again...the right way ("Go back and walk." or "Show me how to close the lid nicely.").  The muscle memory involved in re-doing it the right way seems to help...  He's gotten much better...sometimes I don't have to remind him, but it's going to be a long road.  

Noise!

OMG! This struck such a note of relief for me! Maybe I am not just a crank!

It’s been two months since a new neighbor moved into the next apartment and I am going nuts. I think I have ADHD on the brain! I swear she has ADHD, she has exhibited so many of the symptoms.

I live in a over-fifty-five complex. The apartments are small and this new neighbor and I share one common wall, back-to-back that mirror each other, that has the kitchen cabinets on it. The banging! The crashing! And the front door banging shut, shaking the building! The TV blasting! The walking around all the time in gunboat athletic shoes, no rugs on the floors! Hammering at 1 o’clock in the morning! Moving furniture at 3 a.m! How can one small woman make so much noise, ALL THE TIME! She never stops moving, never rests! I am a wraith of the woman I used to be from lack of sleep, even with earplugs!

A-a-a-a-h that felt good. Thanks for listening, folks. Seriously, is noisiness an ADHD characteristic?

I don't know if noisiness is

I don't know if noisiness is a characteristic of ADHD.  But I do sometimes wonder if not being able to hear one's own noise is an ADHD thing. My husband seems unaware of the noise he makes. 

summerwine's picture

Yes it is. Its poor fine

Yes it is. Its poor fine motor control combined with inattention and lack of self awareness and poor self regulation. Clumsy and loud! The ADHD kids at my daycare drive the AS kids up the wall with their noise poor kids.

I am hearing my husbands

I am hearing my husbands shoot em up video game blasting in the living room as I'm sitting here in the office typing............argh!

our video game is,

Our video game is "NOT" working "thank god"...all the time is wasted away in that BS,I hate it.!!!!!

Believe it or not...

I'm an ADDer who does not play video games :) My wife complains about me talking too loud and she is right sometimes, but it happens because I have a hard time hearing in noisy situations and talk louder because I'm trying to be attentive and "Hear" so my brain loses awareness of my voice volume... It is much better these days since Adderall and awareness help. 

The LOUD argument in our house is when I watch movies. I have a Real Nice home theatre setup and my DW just does not get the fact that I'm NOT listening to a movie too loud when sound effects shake the room. This is how movies are recorded. To hear the characters talk in quiet scenes I set the volume as low as I can and still be able to hear them. When unexpected Action happens, of course the system shakes things. It is a PIA for me to try and enjoy a movie when I constantly have to "Volume Up / Volume Down" throughout the whole show. I need a sound proof man cave, I guess ;)

Man Cave!

With as Hard as it sounds like you've been working on yourself, you deserve it! Just sound proof it, so your wife won't hear, lol.

Man Cave Project

Thanks for approving my project ;) THIS is a Project that this ADDer can plan, execute and complete on time, or ahead of schedule :D

YYZ ,,,I like ,

I am not an ADHD person, but I love a nice loud creepy loud home surround sound horror movie,and yes it's true you have been doing all you can to save your relationship,you deserve it,I don't see nothing wrong with that

,try and seal the room it would help you.

lovehurts.

Noisy brains = noisy actions?

This has been a thought of mine ever since I learned how ADHD works in the brain. Maybe because there is so much "noise" in their brains, it comes out physically by more noise - ie they have to do/say things to hear over their own "din"..........?

Yep...

Think of trying to talk normal when you have a big set of headphones on with music blaring, then someone asks you a question and don't realize how loud you are talking, because you hear yourself fine.

Make sense?

always after my husband to shhhhh

This sounds like my husband too.  I am always having to ask him to speak more quietly when we are in a restaurant or even in the movies.  He has no thought about what other people can hear.  He is super critical and will say negative things about others sitting near us in a public place and I am mortified when he speaks loudly enough for those people to hear what he is saying.  He always looks so shocked when I tell him people can hear him...  it's like it never dawned on him and he feels embarrassed.

I'm so glad I posted this..

I really learned a great deal from these comments.  I used to just be stumped by the cupboard doors.  Then when I learned about ADD I figured sometime between opening the cupboard door and removing something he "forgot" about that cupboards have doors and just left it open.    But if he indeed was told he was too noisy as a child, he very certainly might have learned to just leave things open instead.  And yes, he IS NOISY in general.  Doors (to the outside) don't get closed, they get slammed.  Car doors get slammed.  His footsteps are more like stomps.  He has frequently said to me "You sure startle easily!"  Too funny.   If he gets up before me there is no way he can get dressed and leave the room without waking me up.  He says he IS being quiet, he's TRYING.  Poor guy.  Thanks everybody.  I am totally over the cupboard door thing.

P.S. I posted elsewhere about the "obvious" evidence not always pointing to the truth... This is sure a case of that.  I NEVER before linked my husband's general noisiness with cupboard doors and dresser drawers being left open.  I feel so humble.  

Awesome

When I get up before my DW in the morning, which = Always, I have perfected the stealth to keep from waking her up. No lights, my walk around the house clothes are exactly where they should be, then I leave the room, closing the door slowly, turning the knob so there is no sound closing it, then turning the knob back slowly to its resting place. 

Learned behavior ;) This Herd of Elephants can tip-toe when needed...

noise

Just read this post, i know its a few months old, but OMG how true, i never could figure out WHY when I walk into my sons room his closet and every dresser drawer are open, every single day. They all slam the door when they walk out of the house, hard to tell when the slam is because someone is mad or its just the normal slam. Why I can never find anything in the cupboard after someone else has emptied for me. Why on the extremely rare occasion the my H gets up before me he will bang around downstairs, start the lawn mower, a chainsaw or whatever, totally clueless that other people including neighbors are sleeping. This rang so true it was funny. I'm glad I read all these.

summerrhiannon's picture

Noisiness

I never realized that noisiness had to do with my husband's ADD.  I just thought he was inconsiderate.  If he got up before me, he would make tons of noise in the bedroom, leave up the bedroom door (even though I have asked him a million times to shut it), and sometimes leave the light on.  I use to think maybe he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  That was while he was having an affair and completely withdrew from me.  It seems like there is a lot of similar traits with NPD, but then intentions are totally different. 

YYZ, it's better,

it's better in surround sound.The horror movie that is.I get so jeepers creepers and I like the thrill of it.

lovehurts

My husband left the,

My husband left the fridge door opened once,but when he saw me he still did not close it ,I thought he was doing it on purpose to annoy me, but now I know! why!

lovehurts

The cupboards....

This is the first thing I noticed about my husband early in our marriage. He never closes the kitchen cabinets. Once, I came home from work and ever cabinet was open. I angrily started closing them all and he came out of the back room with a gun thinking someone was breaking in the house! I didn't realize it was associated with ADHD until my daughter was diagnosed and she does all the same things.

I don't care who you are,

I don't care who you are, that's funny!

That is me.  Wait, there's a door there?  Loud?  Yeah, that's me.  I get migrane headaches and sometimes the only cure is to let it get me to the point of throwing up.  I wake the whole house when that happens.

Whiskers?  Have them.  Kept forgetting to shave so I just grew the damned thing out.  I do shave on occasion, so mine looks more like Martin on Duck Dynasty.  Goatee, but long.  Currently about 2 inches.

Open cupboards, drawers & faucets-Oh my!

 

So funny how ur all describing what it's like 2 live w/us, try living inside our heads - yikes! LoL

Life is much easier 4u "d normal ones" & we appreciate ur help, but don't let us/ADD cause more drama than necessary. It's our condition & we need 2 b responsible about it. Less drama that way. After all, y should any1 have 2 cook around a drill some1 else left on d counter, or share a bed w/some body's books or  pick up after someone who's capable of doing it themselves? I wouldn't like it if u came 2 my house & made a mess, even if u did it on top of mine! I know IT IS DIFFICULT 2 take responsibility 4 this thing but let's try. Let's do it 4 us & those we haven't yet lost in, behind or under a pile of paper, old bills, x-mass cards & that very special empty box of chocolates u got on Valentine's Day in '89. 

Personally, I try 2 modify "annoying habits" as soon as (someone complains) I become aware of them. Such modifications r challenging, specially 4 me since d "bad habits"  ARE  NORMAL 2 ME.  I often have 2 stop what I'm doing 2 turn off lights, close doors and yes even shot off a faucet or 2. LoL Who does that?! See, ADD annoys everyone :-)  Seriously, my family became more supportive after I took responsibility 4 this. How u ask? I got diagnosed, educated on d subject, chose 2 use meds & stayed on 'em.

Now I'm working w/it, around it, through it...what ever method get's me through d day & closer 2 my goals, even d itty bitsy tiny ones, cuz those count 2 u know  ;-)  So weather u have ADD or live w/someone who does, let's be considerate, mind our boundaries, boundaries​, boundaries & remember 2 use reminders like check lists, general check lists, detailed ​check lists, a master check list to keep track of all other check lists... LoL

Look everyone

OMG Look everyone, someone read my post! LoL!  Tnx C UR SELF , you've made my day :-) 

Hend...

Yes, I read your post...and I've thought about it several times since...because I needed someone who thinks and lives like my wife to openly talk about it...I was so opposite when we married, never seen anyone live like she does...My clothes are folded and in my drawers, when the dryer stops, put the stuff on hangers and put them in the closet...Not her, the closest living room chair to the wash room takes the brunt of it...All the dresses she wears are in one of two piles :) 90% of the stuff in her closest she out grew 10 years ago...When we were dating I always wondered why all her dresses were the kind that want wrinkle Lol..I was the guy whose Mother taught him a place for everything and everything in it's place right? right? lol...Boy have I been surprised!!! Oh well, now I just throw her clothes over on her side of the bed along with her laptop...Pray and go night night!

Keep it loving and don't sweat the small stuff, and everything is small stuff:)

cupboards and noise

OMG......this is such a funny site....love it. But, it's so great to read that we're not the ONLY ones living this. lol. Yes, my ADHD hubby does all the above.....leaving the kitchen cupboards open, drawers open (which I continually run into upon entering the bedroom) shoes on the floor that I"m always picking up. etc. So many, it's hard to list them all. For many years, I worked so hard to keep the house clean, but if I came home after my husband did, I could follow a trail of keys, shoes, belt, tie, jacket, hat, coat, and other objects all around the house and know EXACTLY HOW he walked through. And I would dutifully PICK UP all said objects and put them away, it was like always picking up after a small child. I DID finally get him to put his keys up on a key rack so that we wouldn't have to HUNT them down every morning in a mad scramble.

     Pieces of paper with numbers and writing on them..............OH MY, sort of like...lions, tigers and bears...OH MY. He would fill up the dining room table, the kitchen table, every bureau, cabinet and end table with papers. I couldn't have ONE flat surface that was free of papers, so eventually I strategically placed vases, small ceramic art objects etc, all over so that he couldn't do this any more. And I made him take all the papers to his office in the house (which always was STACKED with papers, files, drums, music, books and COMPUTER STUFF.  He will let them pile up for a while, but then he will eventually go through them all and take care of business, and for that I'm grateful.

     NOISE: Wow, another biggie: I'm also forever telling him to "quiet down". His voice is so loud it's deafening. I have to repeatedly tell him to be quiet when our  granddaughter is asleep, cause he's woken her up SO MANY TIMES from talking so loud. I will just say "please whisper right now", and LITERALLY 2 seconds later I have to tell him again, and again, and then again. The television and his computer are also at super loud levels. It's very hard for him to be quiet in public, when there is someplace where he has to talk quietly. He can for a while, but then he gets squirmy and can't help himself.  He's on Concerta, but maybe there is a better medication for him, if he will get a total evaluation.

LOUD? WHO'S LOUD?

I'm a loud talker too, hence d title in all caps :-O. What others consider loud enough feels like whispering, I can't do it 4 long so I don't talk @ all but that doesn't last long either so I talk 2 d ppl right next 2 me or find something 2 do yes this is a run on sentence cuz I like talking LoL. I agree dedelight4 this  is a funny place glad u like it :-D

dede...I've give up on the counter's and bar's...

 I usually get to see the bar and cabinet tops @ Christmas when the kids come home...She piles everything in garbage bags...until after the family gathering...(I couldn't have ONE flat surface that was free of papers, so eventually I strategically placed vases, small ceramic art objects etc, all over so that he couldn't do this any more.) I would try this, but she would love the vases and what not...cause she's a women like you...then she would claim them...then cover them up...then I would break them when she wasn't home trying to weed through and straiting up her mess w/out it looking like I've touch anything....Then I'd been in trouble for moving her stuff :)