Book or website suggestions? Coaching?
Submitted by Ladybug3 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 13:42
I'm sure this has been discussed before, but I'm wondering if anyone has favorite books or websites that help with ADD organization. I'm not trying to organize my DH, but from what I've read so far, I think I would really benefit from a more ADD-centric approach to organization and I know my kids would, too. My executive function skills are not very functional. :) I struggle with unfinished projects, piles of papers, folded but not put away laundry, procrastination, lateness, etc., etc., etc. My kids can't keep their rooms clean to save their lives. For several years I had a housekeeper once a week (for 8 hours!), but she's been gone for a couple of years and things are really a mess. So, I'm trying to get more organized for myself and my kids, knowing that my DH will benefit from the process. (And just so everyone knows, yes, I have tried Flylady. I love her and she saved my life years ago through her encouragement to shine my sink, to have routines, and put on my shoes - which I still do every day - and to love myself. Without her, I'm not sure I would have survived the early baby years. But her style just doesn't work that well for me now. It's a little too busy and, um, smooshy? I've had to shut down emotionally too much and now I'm not that into purple puddles, if you know what I mean.)
The main thing I'm trying right now is decluttering. I'm an aspiring minimalist, although I don't think I'll ever be truly minimalistic. I read lots of minimalism blogs to saturate my brain. I know that clearing the junk is the best way to be organized. But it's really, really hard for me to do. I know the clutter and not being able to find things makes my DH's ADD worse. I'm hoping that my educating myself about this will help him be able to tell me what works and what doesn't. I also know that some things I just have to accept. He unloaded the dishwasher last night and finding things this morning was like a treasure hunt! Sometimes I get mad, but usually I choose to laugh. Knowing that it's because of ADD makes it much funnier than when it was just him not paying attention and me being irritated that he put the coffee mugs in the wrong place again, even though they haven't moved in years (I have looked at him in amazement at some of his more "creative" ideas of where things go and said, "Are you new here? Really?" We've been in this house for 10 years.). In his defense, I do move things around every few years; I'm both always searching for a more efficient way (like putting the dishware in a lower cabinet a few years ago so it's easier for the kids to put dishes away - he still can't find the plates) or I just get bored with how things are set up.
The other thing I wanted to ask was whether anyone has used an ADD coach? I presented my Dh with that idea this morning. I had never heard of such a thing until recently. I think he likes the idea of seeing someone who will just deal with life skills and getting things done. He really doesn't like therapy and counselors. But working with someone who's more like a life coach with a focus on ADD seemed more appealing to him. If anyone has used someone like this, I'd love to hear about experiences or tips for finding such a person. And I think I would benefit from such a thing as much as my DH.
Sometimes I feel really selfish for making the focus of all this about me. I mean, whether it's books or coaches, it's all really to make my life easier. But I realized a year ago that as much as he loves me and as much as he wants to take care of me, my Dh isn't able to, at least, not the way I thought he should. I must take care of myself and because of my health, my life depends on my taking care of myself first. My children need me. It's weird to me to feel that way, since I spent so many years thinking my family would be better off without me and feeling bad for my children that they had a mom like me - I still feel that way sometimes, but it's gotten a lot better. It's so hard because putting myself first goes against the way I was raised and so many cultural norms for women. It's taken me this long to get really intentional about doing it.
Thank you for any help you can give me!