In my endless quest to accept DH and the way he ACTUALLY is, not the way I WISH him to be, I have been thinking a lot about the stuff that makes me happy and trying to do those things more often. Plus the fact that he travels Monday through Friday means I have a lot of time to do things on my own. The things that make me happy--walking on the lake trail, opera, theater, dinner out, hot yoga, swimming, reading, the story telling at the Irish pub by our house, bumming around downtown (we live about 20 minutes from Michigan Avenue in Chicago), poking around in a book store, spreading out magazines and newspapers in bed and hanging out there with Netflix on after the kids go to bed. None of those things involve DH. How sad is that. How do you have any relationship with so little in common?
everything that makes me happy does not include DH. how sad
Submitted by dvance on 05/29/2015.
Me, too!
Submitted by Hopeful Heart on
My adhd husband is very extreme. Always looking for bigger, better, faster, more, more, more. He will go for walks with me, but it turns into an extreme challenge. We have have to go a certain distance in a certain amount of time, and have to beat our record. It's exhausting! I just want to go for a walk. Almost every activity we've tried to do together for 21 years has ended with me in tears because he pushes so hard. I just prefer to be by myself now. He has even taken over MY hobbies and crammed them down my throat until I hate them. I don't even have hobbies anymore. I work really hard to protect my kids and not let him push them to the point of misery with their activities.
This is interesting...
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I never thought about this, but I can see that this happened a little bit (not a lot) in our home. H would push the kids to the point of not liking something, so often they would do stuff away from him...and I would, too.
Too many things can become extreme. It's a control issue. It's a fear issue.
Thankfully, some of my hobbies are things that H hates, so he can't involve himself. Or my hobbies are things that truly can't be done with him (like reading a book).
However, if I am playing Words with Friends on my computer, he wants to "take over". When he was drinking more, sometimes he would literally start yelling and going crazy over a simple fun game.
Very sad
Submitted by Kansasry on
I've only been married to my ADHD husband for 2 years and I already see that part of our life together, enjoying things as a couple, will never be. Sad to see it's so common. I'd hoped it wasn't going to be like this. But at least you have things you can enjoy. I've given up on almost every hobby I love and it's killing me.
Almost everything we do together has ended in tears for me. Everything makes him explode in anger from bad drivers, getting lost or turned around, long lines, bad food or his LOVES to pick fights while we are out for a rare date night. And if we actually don't turn around and go back home and he doesn't explode, it's only because he found a hot chick to flirt with.
My son refuses to ever go on a camping trip with him because he is so angry and just wants to sit and drink.
And this is when I can pry him out of the house. Most of the time he never wants to go anywhere with me. He's happy sitting at home watching TV.
The thing I find most frustrating is when he insists on showing me post and pictures of his facebook friends that are couples out on their romantic dates or vacations. He will actually brag about how cool their life/relationship is (and how hot the woman is, can't ever forget to point that out!) and how great it is that that couple are best friends! It hurts the most because I want what they have and he seems to want it too but makes no effort to have that with me. It makes me feel like if he was with someone else, he'd have that life. It's just that he doesn't want it with me.