Find a virtual-slapper to wake up your husband and The Reason
Submitted by Dan on Wed, 09/23/2009 - 14:25
I'm a man in my early 40's, married 12 years, have two wonderful young boys (elementary school age) with my wife. After last several years of anger, frustration of why we're both not happy, our marriage counseler finally got around to asking me something: Dan, do you think you have ADD? So after the usual procrastination a couple more months, I finally saw a psychologist. I also have just been diagnosed in the last couple weeks that that I have ADHD and I'm now taking Strattera, so far just 1 week... but it's about 1 month too late, as my wife and I are now separated and planning to divorce. Divorce is the consequence of ADHD in a marriage left undetected for years.
It's unfortunate the many of the posts on this Website forum say that the husbands either don't accept they have ADD/ADHD or know they have it yet still don't want to get theropy or take medications. Frankly, these married men simply need to be slapped upside their heads by another married man that also has ADHD and does accept and has seen it's affects. Divorce is awful for two people that loved each other, got married and had wonderful children, but broke apart over the years because of an sneaky marriage disease like ADHD.
ADHD is such a very powerful, sneaky, and vicious "disease" I call it. It's a marriage disease, that the man having it, if he doesn't want to finally accept it and then fix it with theropy and/or meds, he is guaranteed doomed to never keep a spouse and a happy marriage. I literally wish now I had some volunteer slapper to tell me our marriage problems was, while not 100%, is "something wrong within me, it's not her". Now, the slapper I have, the shock in my life, is going thru a divorce. Nobody with ADHD realizes what really matters in life, until they don't have it anymore. Again, this is very powerful, sneaky, and vicious "disease" usually within men who are smart and strong willed and confident. That is why we think, "hey... it can't be me." or "this is who I am, I'm king of my world" Oh My God, how wrong we with ADHD are, somebody please slap those foolish, unwitting men with ADHD before they do more damage to their marriage and themselves (slap, figuratively of course). They need a shock wakeup call, like separation/divorce which I'm living now.
Men with ADHD married their wives because they love them, their wives loved them. They are each others oxygen... without a loving companion, men with ADHD cannot grow/live or be happy, but eventually sufficate if he doesn't acknowledge and fix his ADHD. I believe the true charactor of a man... any married man with ADD/ADHD.... is shown when he doesn't fight his spouse, but he fights his ADD/ADHD. It's not courageous to fight a loving, generous women, it's very courageous to fight a powerful, sneaky, and vicious ADHD within one's self. Like myself, perhaps some men need to be figuratively slapped upside the head before they finally get it.
What's a quick example of how a man with ADHD effects a loving women in a marriage? I cry everytime I see this music video, call "The Reason". The couple love each other. There is mutual love, therefore the girl in the video, put's her life on the line for her man. My wife put her entire being into our marriage and I was the one taking love for granted and running her over. I ran over my wife, though not knowingly because I let ADHD distract and fool me and I let ADHD put me first. The question is will married men with ADHD realize and finally see what they are actually doing, what they are risking to lose? This video has a happy ending... but someday, men with ADHD left untreated... the girl will NOT get up.