I have just found this site and the relief I feel at reading other people's stories is almost physical. I have finally realised that there are others that have experienced my difficulties and it's an amazing feeling.
Sadly, after 14 years together I am realising that there is nothing left of me. I have dedicated everything to my husband, trying to support him and accommodate him. Sometimes thinking I have gone insane myself when we get stuck in these circular and repetitive arguments where everything he says is totally illogical.
He is terrible at socialising and so gradually all my friendships have died away, I am boring where I was once vibrant, interesting, chatty and engaging. I have put on weight where I was once pretty and slim.
I am uncomfortable taking him anywhere as he is so awkward in social situations so gradually I have stopped going anywhere.
He contributes nothing to parenting, other than the fun stuff - has no accountability for anything. I feel totally alone.
He can barely hold a conversation unless it's about him, has never been supportive during any emotional crisis I have had (eg someone dying).
He isn't nasty at all, he's just half a person, not quite there - he doesn't get it at all.
I am just an empty shell now and I long to be who I was, but I fear that regaining myself will be the end of our marriage. I feel so torn.
I am so sorry for what you are going through
Submitted by add on
I just read your post. I am so glad you found this site. I found the site back in 2010 after my husband of 25 yrs walked out of the house one morning to take a job in another state and then 2 weeks later I found out about an affair he had been having. There were a few sentences you wrote that really hit home with me, "sometimes thinking I have gone insane myself when we get stuck in these circular and repetitive arguments where everything he says is totally illogical" and "he contributes nothing to parenting, other than the fun stuff - has no accountability for anything. I feel totally alone". My husband has been out of the house 4 years now but those two areas still continue to cause me so much pain and drive me out of my mind. My husband has almost nothing to do with our kids so ALL the burden of dealing with my ADD son is on me while he is off on his own only worrying about himself. Has your husband gotten any treatment for his ADD? Did you even know what you were dealing with? We sure didn't. The hardest thing I have had to accept (still trying!!) is that the person I cared for is absolutely incapable of being a 'normal' supportive spouse. That takes a LONG time to accept and let go and move on. Sometimes a 'marriage' cannot be saved and one must go through the difficult pain of that realization. I hope you can at least get some professional help to see what, if anything, can be saved. Thanks for sharing your post.
Your post made me cry. That
Submitted by Really123 on
Your post made me cry. That is me. Today was my lowest point in 16 years (even though I checked out of this marriage mentally and emotionally 2 years ago). I found myself on my knees today in our yard crying and praying to God to help me, to tell me what to do (I'm not even religious but have no where else to go). I was also once a happy, friendly, international professional, and now I feel like a battered woman and can no longer smile.
I can sooo relate to no social life. Even from the first years of our relationship, we banned joint social interactions because he would blab out nasty weird, made up stories (always to my detriment and to his glory). I thought he had Tourette's syndrome...
I totally feel what you mean about he seems like "half a person". I often tell him that he is "missing a gene and it's the HUMAN gene, that makes the rest of us feel, show compassion and feel our impact on others".
Your post describes perfectly and succintly what I have spent thousands of hours over the years trying to describe.