Not taking meds

This seminar is helping us a lot as long as my ADHD spouse takes the prescribed ADHD meds. When the meds are skipped, this is when the coursework is most relevant and when my spouse is least likely to be open to it. The catch 22s of ADHD drive me up a wall.... the person who is least likely to remember to take meds is the one who most needs to take them. 

I am trying not to parent and to simply say, "When you don't take your meds, this is what it's like for me." 

Lots of anger; thankful for meds.

Does this happen to anyone? Advice?

Forums: 

DragonTamerWife's picture

Mine won't even try meds.

He took one kind for less than one week, decided he didn't like it, and that was it. That was 7 years ago. It's been almost 10 years of constant conflict, criticism and back-and-forth misery, and I'm on several meds for my anxiety/depression. You'd think he'd be willing to try anything to make our marriage better. 

He has agreed to certain timing-related compromises. When he's out of town, we have a 10 o'clock call. He puts the baby in the bath at 7:30 when he's here, and Wednesdays are supposed to be our "wild wednesdays," ie. we have sex or some kind of physical touch (my love language). The Wednesdays thing doesn't always happen, but the "putting it on the calendar" thing works with the other issues.

 

In your case, if I were you, I'd ask him if he'd be willing set a reminder on his phone or computer. 

meds

my heart goes out to you.  We were at about our 15 year marriage mark when my husband was diagnosed.  He agreed to take Wellbutrin.  He noticed absolutely no difference, except everyone else around him seemed happier and behaved better.  We also experienced our first family vacation together without me over-the-top stressed out and feeling horrible for my harsh words.  Around 5 years after that it became obvious more needed to take place.  He then added to his meds Ritalin.  This noticeably improved things as well. But as Melissa has stated, this only allows the process to begin to put into place leg 2 and 3.  He still does not truly see how they help him as much as it is for his family's sake.  Now we are trying to accomplish leg 2 and 3 after his original diagnosis 11 years ago.

Prior to meds life truly was unimaginable.  We use to fight so often.  I told him that I felt like I had to do a dance on the coffee table just to have him look in my direction.  Then if I needed to talk to him I had to state how many minutes of his time I needed.  If I approached him with an open ended conversation, he literally would start crawling out of his skin within minutes.   If I expressed hurt by his lack of patience, the blame always landed in my lap.  He saw nothing unusual about his behavior.   This is just one example of the many.

I feel that if anyone with adhd can't justify this action for himself/herself, perhaps they can view it as a loving gift to those who love them. 

 

meds

I am the ADHD partner and have been taking ADHD meds for almost a year.  One of the issues with not remembering to take meds is the fact that you may or may not notice the effect yourself; sometimes if you don't feel the difference it becomes less important.  I have been taking meds for hypertension for years so I have built the habit of taking meds first thing in the morning right after I brush my teeth.  If your spouse is not taking any other meds and doesn't have a set routine, I would recommend placing a reminder notice in the bathroom.  It may help to move the sign to a different place every few days so it doesn't become "white noise" and get ignored.  Eventually the habit will be formed and forgetting them will be a rare occurrence.  I would also recommend that you have the discussion about how his forgetting effects you at a time when he is "medicated".