Thinking of separating from my husband....I'm done
Submitted by Black_Butterfly on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 11:01
I have been reading her for quite some time now. My husband has ADD. He was diagnosed as a child. I didn't know this until after we were married. Looking back on our 10yr relationship, I now see all of the signs.
I stay home with the kids. I have no problem keeping the house tidy, but when he's home he makes a bigger mess than they do! He always tells me he doesn't care if the house is a mess. This I know because he rarely cleans up. I can't leave the kids with him for more than a few hours. I thought I was going to have a partner in life, not a man child to look after on top of everything else. He has had trouble holding down jobs over the years and because of this we have had to move out of state several times, and have lived with my parents off and on our entire marriage. I'm really sick of the way my life is with him. He can be sweet, and he loves me and the kids. He plays with them, and all that good stuff, but I fear he will never be able to handle the responsibility of taking care of his family. He seems incapable of it at this point. It seems that his ADD has gotten worse over the years. I emailed him this website and he says he has read some of it....not that it has made a difference. He said he has researched different meds and wants to try them. I know that meds are not a cure, but something has got to give.
We have almost been evicted I don't know how many times. His latest scandal has me feeling completely done. He is in jail for failure to appear for a traffic violation. Seriously! The officer came to our house, and this is not the first time this has happened. He's been in jail for silly stuff like this numerous times. I can't tell my kids where he is, all they know is daddy was here one minute and the next he was gone and didn't tell them goodbye. There is a pretty good possibility he will lose his job over this. Then what? I'm sure he'll blame someone else instead of taking responsibility for his own actions. I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of feeling lonely, tired of mothering him, and feeling like I'm the one who has to do all of the changing to make his life easier. I have to say enough is enough at some point. I don't like thinking of divorce, or even separating, but at the same time I feel I have to protect myself and our kids. I'm not 100% sure I want to leave. I'm so tired, angry, frustrated, and so are my parents. This is not what they wanted for us at all. I feel I will never have the life I want, and I can't be all that I know I can be because he is holding me back. I know when he says we will have a better life, take vacations and have this or that not to actually hold my breath for it to happen. He's all talk. It sounds good, but he can't make it happen. We don't talk about anything important anymore. He seems more like a teenager than a grown man. I'm sick and tired of hearing about his damn video games. Video games don't pay the bills....oh and that's the other thing. He doesn't pay the bills....all that seems to fall on my dad. I don't know what he does with his money. One day we have money, the next we don't.
I'm tired of having the same talks with him over and over, and the same arguments. The thing that gets me is that somehow it always comes back to me. I'm the problem. I know I don't react in the most loving way all the time. I am working on me, but I'm tired of being the only person in this marriage doing the work. He seems to have a free ride. The only thing he does is go to work, and he complains about that. I'm tired of making excuses for him. I'm tired of him not taking care of us the way he is supposed to. I'm not materialistic, but it would be nice to own a home in the future, you know have some nice things. I want to know what it's like to live on our own and be adults! I'm tire of feeling so beaten down, hopeless, and defeated. I don't feel sorry for him this time. He has put himself and us in this horrible situation yet again. I want off this roller coaster. He's either got to get on meds and do some talk therapy or I think I may be done with him. Nothing ever seems to change. I can't keep living like this.
I know he can't help that he has ADD. I know part of his behavior is the ADD and the other part is bad habits/coping skills. He doesn't seem to realize how his actions are affecting everyone around him. I just don't know what else to do, help please.