ADHD & Marriage Therapy in Person with Dr. Hallowell
Posted June 5th, 2008 by MelissaOrlov
in
Starting soon..! For those of you who are within driving distance of Boston, Dr. Hallowell and his wife, Sue (an excellent therapist in her own right) will be conducting three group therapy sessions for couples starting this June 24th. This is a great opportunity for couples where one or both partners has ADHD to get the advice of real experts, in person, and to meet others who share some of the issues. The details follow - please read them before calling to register:
What: Couples therapy group with Dr. Ned Hallowell and Sue Hallowell
Who: About 8 couples (maximum of 12). Both members of the couple need to be present and at least one with ADHD.
Where: Sudbury, MA at the Hallowell Center, 142 North Road, Sudbury, MA 01776
When: Three Tuesday evenings - June 24, July 22, July 29. The group will meet from 6:00 - 7:30 pm on each of those evenings
How much: There is a charge of $300 per couple for the three sessions
How to register: Call the Sudbury Hallowell Center at 978-287-0810.
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Dealing with husband with ADHD and Depression
I have been married for 29 years to a man who has ADHD and depression.
He is on Paxil for his reoccuring depression, but just when he starts to feel better he lowers his dosage and it starts all over again.
We have two adult children and 3 grandchildren. He is currently "on the outs "with our daughter because she does not want her children to go through what she has had to deal with in regards to his moods. He will not apologize to her for not going to see the children for months on end. He caters to his mother and sisters who he has always put before our family but will not make an attempt to right things with our daughter.
I am so tired of his moods, depression, and foul remarks. He does try to control me but I do not allow it and this angers him more. Nothing I do is right - He is a very unhappy person. He does not like holidays, birthdays, and usually starts a fight to get out of them.
He has made life very miserable for myself and two children.
I guess, what I am eventually getting to is that I want to move out and get a place of my own...I work full time. I feel guilty because there never is a good time with him - he makes you feel sorry for him all the time. I want a few years of positiveness and happiness.
I have suggested to him before that we seperate but he does not want his 85 year old mother to find out so he stayed and did not mention it again.??? It is like banging one's head against a brick wall.
I do not like hurting anyone's feelings and have been procrastinating at doing anything. Our grandchildren do not even come to our place anymore and he doesn't even seem to care. This was the final straw for me.
What should I do?
PM
Why would you feel guilty
Why would you feel guilty about moving out if you have never had a good time with him? I would start with counseling if you haven't tried before.
Move Out?
You have to look into your heart for this one. Moving out can be scary, but never seeing your grandchildren, being estranged from your children and never being happy might be even scarier.
If you do decide to move out, please make sure that you are financially secure and that you do not leave yourself open for financial "attack" from your husband if you do decide to either move out or ask him to move out. People can change quite dramatically when such a major upset occurs, and you will want to walk into it with your eyes open. WHile not fair, I've seen men and women who felt wronged empty bank accounts, even though they were joint, hide money and worse. Unfortunatley, women often leave themselves vulnerable by not thinking ahead about the financial implications of separation and a potentially angry spouse.
In my own case (and I'm not saying this would work for you) I took the precaution of moving exactly 50% of our joint funds from one of our accounts into an account that was under my name only. This made me feel protected a bit from unpredictability, but I was very, very careful not to exceed what would have been considered mine in any future settlement (we had other assets, too, so this was "disaster insurance" for me). For some men, though, that would have been an act of all out war, and permission to do any dirty thing they wanted. I knew my husband well enough to know that while he wouldn't like it, he wouldn't retaliate.
Also, have a good idea of where you will go, and how you will broach the subject - it's too important to do off the cuff.
Good luck on this one, and let us know how it goes.
Melissa Orlov