When I talk about lying problems in relationships, I'm not just talking about partners with ADHD. Either partner can lie...and lies also exist in relationships in which there is no ADHD. But there are some ways that the presence of ADHD increases the chances that one or the other partner will lie. To be able to chart the best course to move away from lying in your own relationship, you must first understand why the lying is happening. Choosing to lie is a decision that is made – not typically a beneficial one for a relationship, but often a logical one at some level. Understanding the logic really helps. There are at least 7 common reasons partners choose to lie, which include:
Is lying a part of your relationship? Are you eager to move past the lies to a more trusting partnership? This is the first of several posts that will deal with lies and rebuilding trust in relationships impacted by ADHD.
It’s the catch-22 of ADHD-impacted relationships (and many non-ADHD marriages, as well!) For many couples impacted by ADHD, distraction, disengagement and retreat from conflict leave non-ADHD partners feeling ‘stranded’ and lonely. Their natural response is to pursue their partner for attention…and disaster results. What do you do?
Have you ever gotten flooded during an interaction with your partner when you felt so overwhelmed that you couldn’t seem to see straight? It can happen when it seems like the same material is coming up in an argument that you’ve been over and over again and again and you just can’t handle it any more. You know you should disengage, but somehow when you get to this point, it just seems impossible. Everything seems out of control. This is flooding. Flooding is defined as:
I've read so many comments on the Forum recently about ADHD partners/spouses who seem to have problems with anger, and in some cases..rage. I can certainly appreciate how difficult it is to live with someone who seems to get triggered into this kind of reaction without a substantial reason. Melissa recently wrote an article on just this topic in EMax Health. Research done in Feb. seems to suggest that those with ADHD may be genetically predisposed to what is called "emotional lability." This is just a fancy term for moodiness, ie. irritability, or a short fuse...anger responses.