Anger, Frustration & ADHD

Are you tired of having your partner point to your ADHD as the source of your marital problems?  I heard this today from a frustrated ADHD client, and it's a common refrain.  Does the label actually matter?  Is the ADHD the source of the issues?  If you are working with a counselor (like me) who specializes in ADHD, does this put too much emphasis on ADHD? It's a legitimate concern that I would like to discuss here. >>> Read more >>>

Yes, that sounds like a sales pitch...but it's not.  Happiness is good for our brains and good for handling stress better - in marriages, if you are feeling upbeat you are more likely to be able to take some bumps in the road.  If you're feeling down, pretty much everything seems grim.  Here's a link to a UTube TED talk on happiness that will not only make you laugh out loud, it also has a very important message about happiness.  I urge you to watch it...and also to try two exercises.  Some of my clients have done these and all but one have found it helpful in diminishing their struggle.  First, take 2-3 minutes a day to write down three new things about which you are grateful.  These don't have to be about your relationship - anything at all for which you are grateful.  Then, take 5 more minutes (or more if you like) and journal about one of those things in a positive way.  Do this for three weeks straight and see what happens.  I think you'll like the results.  (For more tips, see the video...!)

In a recent class I was asked this interesting question by a non-ADHD husband (who also happens to be a therapist) - "All couples experience anger - so how do you tell anger that is related to ADHD apart from normal anger?"  Great question! >>> Read more >>>

(by Zoe Kessler - see bio at end.  This post is a "must read" for anyone dealing with an angry ADHD spouse!)  I was diagnosed with ADHD at 46. After my diagnosis, I had a long talk with my sister (who does not have ADHD). One of the most startling things she told me was when we were kids, we’d be happily playing, when – POW! –I’d have an angry outburst. She said this scared her.

All these years later, her childhood memories made me cry. I was filled with shame and remorse. I’d had no idea how my moods had affected her.

When we were kids, I also had no idea what ADHD was, or why I couldn’t control my impulsive anger.

Today, I understand that like other ADHD symptoms, effort and willpower are no match for undiagnosed ADHD. >>> Read more >>>

Have you ever wondered what’s a “normal” sex life?  There is so much buzz around the topic of sex in the forums right now, I think it’s time to write about sex – what might be going on if you’re having too little…and then I’ll write about getting away from porn and sex addiction in another post. >>> Read more >>>

Some days you just don’t have the energy to cope with your partner’s ADHD symptoms any more.  What can you do?  Here are nine tips to help you survive… >>> Read more >>>

Ned Hallowell likes to talk about the "moral diagnosis" of ADHD - the idea that those with ADHD are lazy or ill-willed.  The 'moral diagnosis' was what people used to turn to when they didn't know as much about ADHD as we do now.  Yet the idea that an ADHD spouse is 'lazy' is amazingly persistent.  How to get at that?  I've often said that in general, people with ADHD are some of the hardest working folks I know - its just that you can't always see the work because much of it is going on inside them.  Their minds are working away, really hard, even as they might come across as "lazy" because they have trouble completing (and sometimes even starting!) tasks.  Now researchers confirm that extra effort going on inside the ADHD person's head.  MRI studies show that the area of the brain that orchestrate mental activity is more active for adults with ADHD than for those without. >>> Read more >>>