Need help with ADHD girlfriend
Submitted by KCMO on Sun, 01/17/2010 - 20:34
I would appreciate any advice. I am desperately in love with my girlfriend who has ADHD, recently, and finally diagnosed. She has grown up believing, and everyone else too, believing that her behavior was just "her." She's EXTREMELY impulsive, impatient, and inattentive. She is also the life of every social situation, and a short, drop dead knockout. Her petite size and beauty (in my opinion) have afforded her certain acceptance and forgiveness for her decisions/actions from everyone.
We have our disagreements as all couples do, but I am unable to have a productive disagreement. She gets extremely angry and says the most horrible things that no one should hear from someone they love. Basically, all the "off limits" topics she has no problem bringing out. It has been difficult for me to break through to her how difficult her ADHD is on me. I try to be patient, but inevitably I break down from being passive and calm. It's truly impossible. Her anger is uncontrollable (and has gotten her into numerous situations throughout life) and easily escalates into violence. Which, due to her size, I believe has gotten little attention throughout her life. She has many friends, and everyone loves her socially, but I'm the only one trying to have a relationship with her. Her parents know what she is like at least, and have known that her beauty was going to drive men crazy, and truly felt it would take a unique and special individual to deal with her. Though she realizes and accepts her diagnosis, my concerns as a partner go ignored, because "everyone else likes and accepts me the way I am." Well, we all know if we treat our friends poorly they won't stick around, but those who love us the most will (parents, and a ridiculously committed boyfriend). I do feel she is the one for me, but I need help making this work. We both have no idea how to accomplish this. She has stopped counseling and refused any prescription treatment. So basically, she knows her diagnosis, but won't do anything to change. We are stuck in limbo unable to move forward and I don't know what hope to hold on to.