Sleep Disorders and ADHD

ADHD Marriage: 

There has been some significant conversation around sleep disorders and ADHD here lately.  Research suggests that sleep disorders and ADHD can go hand-in-hand.  In fact, there is even some conversation about whether or not some people with ADHD actually suffer from Sleep Apnea, the symptoms of which are similiar to those of ADHD (hyperactivity in children, distractibility in adults).  So here is a link to a good overview of what's known about sleep disorders and ADHD, put together by CHADD.

Comments

Sleep...

I don't know where to put this post, but thought this might be a good starting place!

I have been tired my whole life it seems.  I have had some of the sleep issues in the article (RLS, trouble falling asleep/staying asleep for several years while at a stressful job).

The daytime sleepiness though, has always been a killer for me.

I can't remember who wrote the post or where it is on this forum, but there was someone complaining about an ADD spouse who spent an entire vacation sleeping when she wanted him to be up and doing stuff with her and the family.  She had said that she didn't really like sleeping and that it is simply 'a necessary evil' to her and couldn't understand how someone could sleep so much and be so inconsiderate of others.  (Does this ring a bell anyone?) I was flabbergasted!  how could anyone NOT like sleep?  To me, it would be like someone claiming they hate food and don't ever get hungry.  Or that they are perfectly fine walking barefoot all winter and can't understand why my frost-bitten toes are falling off and I'm whining about it.

I used to spend entire weekends napping, and 'catching up.'  (before kids, of course!)  In fact, my father took a lot of naps on weekends when I was a kid and my grandfather after he retired used to take a nap after lunch everyday, and go to bed at 7:30pm (not kidding!  He got up at 5:00 or 5:30am, though).  Whenever he would go upstairs for his "nappy-nap" or to go to bed, he would call it 'putting money in the bank.'  Of course, I had heard the saying, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."  But I had not realized that taking a nap in the middle of the day prevented all potential health, wealth and wisdom.

Just in the last few years I've learned that taking a nap is generally considered wasteful, selfish, and something to ashamed of.  It seems no matter how exhausted or jet-lagged one might be, it is rude, insulting, and defines you as lazy if you go lie down for an hour or so in the middle of the day.  In social/family situations I knew that CANCELLING something for a nap was lame, but I was unaware that even if there are no plans and everyone is busy or occupied with things not involving you, it is unacceptable to excuse yourself to rest.  I know several NT's in my husband's family who will pass out cold on the couch, mouth open, snoring and drooling in front of the TV, but that's totally ok...  I think it's because if you actually go take a nap, it is premeditated selfishness?  As opposed to accidentally falling asleep on the couch?  Of course, I now know that people get infuriated at a spouse for falling asleep on the couch, too, but it seems like the intentional nap is the worst.

What are the rules?  Anyone?

I have not napped since my youngest was napping, and even then, I would only indulge once or twice a week for 30 minutes for fear of being 'caught' and also, since I have so much to do and that precious time without DD#2 on my hands is so scarce that I really need to get done as much as possible that requires my full attention.  The afternoon Adderall is essential to keep going and to make sure that whatever task I'm doing doesn't have to be redone 3x because i'm so tired I screwed it up.

I feel guilty going to bed before midnight because my DH can stay up til 1 or 2 and get up at 6:30 or 7pm no problem.  for days, weeks on end.... And, of course, I have to fight my brain once the meds wear off, because night time is when I start thinking about all kinds of ridiculous crap that can keep me AWAKE.  so the night time short release is essential for blocking out any thinking that might happen...  But I'm still always, always, always tired.

On that note, folks:  Goodnight!

 

That one sounds like me, Ellamenno,

I do indeed hate sleeping as I just know all sorts of fascinating things are going on anong all the people who are awake, and that I am missing out on it.....that is an exaggeration of course, but I don't even like the idea of sleep.  Naps, unless they are the natural result of romantic time or unless you have been up the entire night before for some reason, are pretty much slothful in my mind; but as I have aged and married a man who LOVES napping (seriously he says he has no idea why sleep can't be a viable hobby!), I do get that there are other people who quite justifiably feel differently.

I have only ever required about 6 hours of sleep a night, and even when I am trying to 'sleep in' as a treat, I wake up pretty much like clockwork at the 6 hour mark.  I can only sleep longer when I am sick and even then it isn't much longer.  However, lest you think I hate sloth entirely, I can laze in bed reading a book for hours, so we all have our preferences :)  I also have a brother who always acted fuzzy brained at less than 9 hours of sleep, so first off we just need to accept that people are different and will have different desires and needs.

I definitely think there is something to the ADD and sleep correlation.  We have had my husband tested for sleep apnea because regardless of how much sleep he gets, he still seems to want more.  This was my problem on vacation.  He likes vacation for the opportunity to sleep and truly relax over having nothing at all hanging over his head to do, and I want to be out doing.  We realized early in our marriage that compromise was necessary, so for every 1-2 days I plan fun things for us to do, he gets a relaxing day to do nothing but what he decides for us to do.  We have discussed that ideally he should have a day between getting home from vacation and heading back to work, but he fights this idea since we are self-employed and our vacations pretty much consist of however many days we can afford to string together and not get paid for working, so he wants to stay gone right up till the time he heads back to work, and then naturally he complains that he is heading out to work 2 hours after getting back home--no idea how to deal with that.

I understand when we go away that there is necessary relaxing time for him.  It is just wierd because he acts more or less relaxed all the time....he is a quintessential inattentive ADDer, never thinking about anything that could stress him, while I run around taking care of everything and getting stressed out.  I need to relax on vacation also, but I find doing new things in new places or things I love to do in commonly visited places to be relaxing.  As a matter of fact I start 'vacation mode' the second I start packing, but he winds down more slowly...no problem.  The problem comes when I am making an effort to allow for all the relaxing time he requests, and he still just wants more.  My husband is the epitome of "an object at rest tends to remain at rest unless acted on by an outside force". 

His resting/sleeping/relaxing level seems to settle at about 2-3 hours more than I can physically stand.  Like somehow my intolerance of it is the gauge of what is enough.  Last year was our 10 year wedding anniversary and we celebrated by getting a house for a week for any family wanting to celebrate with us to enjoy the Food and Wine festival at Disney, followed by a week on a island in the Caribbean.  The week with family was fairly busy, so we'd agreed to only a few big planned days on the island. 

Now we did things, we had a great time, and it was a great time for romantic time also; BUT every single freaking day he was requesting a nap midday.  He doesn't sleep well if I am not next to him, so he doesn't really like to or want to nap alone, so I happily went along with it early in the week thinking this was a good way to get him relaxed.  If we had romantic time first, I could often doze with him for a bit and then read till he got up, and it went well; but I want at some point this to END.  NO MORE NAPS MIDDAY BECAUSE NOW YOU ARE RELAXED ENOUGH TO ENJOY THE FACT THAT WE HAVE A BEACH 5 FEET FROM OUR FRONT DOOR.  We'd swim a few hours, and then he'd doze on a beach chair...ok.   Then we'd walk into town to eat, and when we got back, he is requesting a nap !?!?  IT IS NEVER EVER ENOUGH!

I got angry the last day when I made it clear that I was done with the napping and he was still pushing for one.....yes at this point to me it is nothing but slothful but it was his vacation too as I kept telling myself the entire time, until I realized he wasn't ever saying to himself 'It is her vacation too and I can suck it up and not nap for once'.  I snapped at him and when I couldn't take how long he was sleeping, I left the room.  When he woke up an hour or so later (can't remember because he didn't meet up with me for about 2 hours) and came looking for me, he was stunned at how angry I was at him over the sleeping. 

It is like, however much I can happily take or talk myself into not complaining about because he deserves to do what he wants on vacation to, he has to push that level to more.  That I can't stand. 

And the 1/2 week we spent at the lake with my parents was another evidence of that.  Because my dad was acting slothful, my husband decided it was perfect sloth time for him...no attention being paid to how bored to death my mother and I were.  Never discussed anything with me, just slept and played on the computer most of the time we were there.  On the way home we talked about how I felt about what he did  (not the whole time mind you but WAY too much for me) and he was stunned to find out that I wouldn't be going to the lake next year if we were invited.   He had a nice time though he admitted it was too boring and do-nothing for me, but acknowledged that though he tried a little to do things I liked (we went to my favorite book store and took my parent out for a nice dinner.  He even suggested paddleboats which I love and he doesn't really care for but the day was so hot, I thought we should wait till sunset, but by sunset I was so sick of his slothing about that I didn't want to do anything with him).  After he realized I was very angry about his not taking my desires enough into consideration (seriously you are away at the lake with your wife, why are you staring at a freak computer screen or the TV most of the time?!!?), the last day he made an effort and we had a really nice time at a wine tasting and out to lunch, but my issue is WHY do I have to get furious with him first to snap him out of his tunnel vision?!

Also I can't speak for anyone else, but this scenario you mentioned wouldn't be a big deal for me....I was unaware that even if there are no plans and everyone is busy or occupied with things not involving you, it is unacceptable to excuse yourself to rest. 

I mean it would be a somewhat deal for me, because my opinion is always to come up with something to do with those you love, so it if is just a matter of no one is doing anything, suggest something.  But if ppl are busy doing things you aren't involved in, I don't care a lot if you excuse yourself to go rest.  I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't complain if someone else did.

I feel that I am making an effort to take him into consideration by doing plenty more lazing about than I want to do because I love him.  Why does he take advantage of that and not snap out of it until I am angry?  Answers from any of you sleep lovers out there?

for you it's sleeping, for me it's football!

I guess everyone has his or her own pet peeve....  You don't understand why someone would enjoy sleeping while there is a perfectly good beach/wine tasting/fun thing waiting for you and I can't understand why anyone would spend 3-4 hours glued to a TV watching a game that has nothing to do with him and over which he has no influence whatsoever....  but that's me.

I have to admit reading your feelings about your attitude towards sleep and your labelling of the desire for sleep as slothful makes me angry.  Why?  because I am SOFA KING jealous of people like you I could scream!!!  I am sleepy always, and yet I KNOW that if I skip things because I'm tired (I never actually SLEEP during the day, but I might skip some event because I don't have the energy to pack up everything I need and wrestle with my kids - who don't want to go anywhere - to get out the door.) I slip further into isolation and miss out on important social interactions that might actually build a friendship or two and connect me to people who might help me get more work or a better jobs etc. and this makes me feel guilty and more like I'm an outsider and it just gets worse until I'm able to force myself out and try again to break back into the social group from which i've fallen from because I just can't keep up.  It is so hard for me to think of the right things to say and the right way to act and to try to glean from my peers what I should like and what I should not like.  Unfortunately though, I get into trouble sometimes when I DO say the correct thing, for example if someone mentions how they feel stressed and wish they could just go to a spa, I made the mistake once of agreeing with her.  Then, on an anxiety-filled (only for me) weekend at this family's vacation house as a special treat this woman's husband booked us in at a day spa for facials/massage etc....  So there I was, wearing nothing but a towel while a strange woman was rubbing me all over and I'm trying not to let it show that I am completely uncomfortable, ticklish, embarrassed because I haven't shaved my legs for a few days and horrified because I realized that all of the people who work there are expecting a tip....  I'm lying there thinking, "Shit, do I even HAVE any cash??"  So, after it was all over with, I'm trying to casually see how much my host is tipping so I can do the same.... and it cost me every dollar I'd made the day before.

Sleeping too much really isn't an issue in my life or marriage because my obligations are such that I CAN'T sleep more than 5-7 hours.  But my fatigue - or I guess in reality it's 'sloth' - prevents me from accomplishing what I should.  I will try and try and push and push myself through something only to find that I would've been better off NOT doing so because I screwed something up/embarrassed myself....  I hate, for example, picking my daughter up from school in the afternoon because it is ALWAYS a crowded zoo and the process is overwhelming.  Many security check-points, ID checks, keeping DD#2 from screaming/crying/fighting with DD#1, making sure we have all her stuff... then there is the other parents...  the danger of calling someone by the wrong name, or thinking their kid is actually some other kid.  making small talk, trying to dress in a way that doesn't announce TOO loudly that I buy most of my clothes from street vendors and have no idea which designer made a fellow mother's $4,000 shoes that I was supposed to have noticed and complimented her about....  Trying to remember other kids' nannies' names...  I need to be more proactive about organizing play dates for my daughter so she HAS some friends, but I have so much trouble with the socializing that I haven't done it this year yet.  I tried to get in touch with the nanny of one of DD#1's friend, but she never called back and I don't know what's going on with her or her parents and I'm feeling sheepish about trying to contact them because they are super busy/important people.  I also just have no clue who is friends with whom and all the social hierarchy of the first grade....  There was a birthday party last weekend, and I spent most of it helping my daughter decorate a card-stock princess crown that was one of the 'activities' because I just had nothing to talk about with the adults.  DD#1 was perfectly happy to work on her craft project, blissfully unaware of the drama going on around her.  Susie is the queen, no, now Betsy is the queen and well, that's not fair, because Lisa wants to be the queen but Katy won't give back the tiara so let's pretend we don't hear her anymore and on and on and on......

Sorry, i'm rambling....

The sleep thing... I guess it is part of the same self-isolating we ADDers do out of shame.  I dunno.  But yes, Your DH will always want more time, because of the law of inertia.  'a body in motion tends to stay in motion, a body at rest...' I call it 'unwinding all the way' and if I let myself unwind all the way it is so hard to 'wind up' again and get out the door and face the outside world.  Especially if I feel I've missed something and let's face it, even when I am THERE I miss something or fail to notice something that results in embarrassment, too much money spent, loss of property, or just confusion.

But back to you:  can you just have different schedules?  I totally get that waiting around for him to wake up would be irritating, but why wait?  can't you plan to do stuff with other relatives and leave DH and your Dad to stay and sleep/stare at the TV?  It seems the romantic time you set aside works out ok, so why not plan your own time for flying around from one thing to another and soak in everything you possibly can on vacation?  That way you can do what you like and not be annoyed if he's there complaining about not liking whatever activity you've chosen for the day.

My aunt and uncle (both non-add) go on vacations together but he'll golf and she'll go to the beach all day.  He can't stand sand and she can't stand golfing.  Then they meet up for dinner & have the evening together.  They plan some days with stuff they both like, but they can feel totally free to do what they want otherwise.  There is NO reason why you should be trapped in a room reading while waiting for someone to wake up.  And indeed it would be confusing to have someone angry at me while I was asleep...  My husband would wake me up if he wanted something.  Like, when his father came to visit years ago he would wake up at 5am, because that's what he does at home and believes that changing your sleeping pattern in any way is bad for you.  So since his dad got up at 5am, DH forced ME to get up and make coffee and breakfast for everyone and pretend that everything was hunky dory while we sat there chatting like it was totally normal to be up and about in pitch darkness.  I have to admit though, since I was awake 2.5 hours earlier than usual, I was early for work that week and was able to sneer smugly at all the people who showed up at 9:00am.

Sorry Ella, I didn't realize that I failed to reply

been busy trying to switch out clothes for change of season and also gather my summer clothes for upcoming vacation.  Having an October wedding anniversary pretty much means I am doing this together every year, but I still resist it :)  Anyway I am hoping to get my closet cleaned out by the end of the weekend.

I appreciate your post and your thoughts on the sleep issue.  It really isn't that I can't see that some ppl will really value sleep more than others, but my hatred of it came early and stayed long.  Mom says by the time I was 2 I was fighting her hard over nap time insisting that I wasn't tired (I can literally count on one hand the number of times I fell asleep during naptime in school, because believe me that level of boredom while everyone else naps sticks with you!).

I agree it probably isn't that different than other things that some find irritating like football etc except of course that we can survive without football and not without sleep.  I have a brother who is always sleep deprived, and I have sympathy for him in the same way that I do for you (small children are definitely challenging) and for my husband; but it is hard for me to have sympathy in the moment when I feel my husband is ruining perfectly good couple moments because of his sleepiness.

I think he'd really relate to this statement. Sleeping too much really isn't an issue in my life or marriage because my obligations are such that I CAN'T sleep more than 5-7 hours. I am not sure if I've mentioned his work schedule but it is late night/early morning and variable by day, so he is the same situation as you in that he generally feels like he doesn't get enough sleep each night, therefore on his off days his is all about sleeping in and catching up...I understand that and try to be really busy myself or out of the house so that I am not affected by it and when I see him again and he is rested, we can have really good interactions.

I asked my husband about the 'unwinding all the way' element to it.  I think that makes sense for why he wants more and more sleep seemingly regardless of how much he gets.  He said he didn't think that had anything to do with it, and that he is just genuinely tired because he doesn't get enough sleep each night.  Which of course caused me to bring up the island last year, and how there was no way on God's green earth that he was still tired by the end of the second week.  He had to admit that, but he was just loving it so much that he pushed too far--he has a habit of that.

Being pushed to nap almost every day of vacation is an example of this.  I am realizing that he often doesn't know exactly where the line is on some things and he uses pushing me until I get angry to find where the line is.  He felt on vacation because I was happily going along and then willingly going along with nap time, he felt that I might not mind 'a little more' until I snapped at him.  He was stunned to learn that I NEVER wanted to nap, which he has been married to me long enough to know, but because I didn't complain and because I agreed without a convo, he decided I must want to do it too.  I guess this is why I don't seem to get credit for doing things that only he wants to do, because I don't make an issue of it, he always assumes I must want to do it too....I don't know.   The lack of awareness of what is going on with the other person is one of the things I hate most about ADD.

I don't think a good solution to anything is to push your loved ones boundaries until they get angry.  I think really he needs to have better personal boundaries.  I have never gotten angry at him for saying "I am really tired and need to catch up on a couple hours of sleep and then we can do something."  I do get angry when he thinks he is 'pushing through' and has us doing something together as a couple and he dozes off ESPECIALLY if other ppl are around.  That is the height of rudeness to me.  If you are too tired to be around people, don't go around them.  If you are around them, INTERACT with them even if it is just your wife/and or family.

can you just have different schedules?  I totally get that waiting around for him to wake up would be irritating, but why wait?  can't you plan to do stuff with other relatives and leave DH and your Dad to stay and sleep/stare at the TV?  It seems the romantic time you set aside works out ok, so why not plan your own time for flying around from one thing to another and soak in everything you possibly can on vacation.

Yes and no.  When other people are around I can do more with, for instance at the lake in August, with my mom I don't mind some girl time.  When we got Myrtle Beach there is a really reasonable spa there that the guys send mom and I to (they also fix your hair).  So the guys relax and are bums all day, then they get ready and pick us up once we are all relaxed and buffed up, and we go to dinner (course that works because I love spas but doesn't sound like you'd want to repeat the experience).  As far as my mom, she has pain in her leg and can't walk much and has some health issues, so while she wants to be talking/interacting which I enjoy; she isn't so much for going a lot.

The truth of the matter is that if I am on vacation, primarily that is a time to me to spend quality time away from stress with my HUSBAND.  If there is other family / friends/ whoever there, I have no problem with it, but first and foremost I want the time with him.   So I will never be willing to make our default position you do X and I will do Y and I will see you later.  That is fine for a day or so, but we go away to get relaxing time together.  We each get to deal with eachother stressed out, someone else isn't going to get all the benefit of the relaxed fun times!  

I put a lot of work into planning our vacations taking both of our interests and energy levels into account so that we'll both enjoy the time together.  That is why I spent SOO much more time than I planned in our condo on the island because I understood that is an important part of vacation to him.  I didn't mind exploring the resort on my own (as in I felt safe to do that in a foreign country) but I wasn't going to walk alone into town or anything.   We do Disney a lot, and it isn't like I am going to go driving all around Orlando alone.  I can, but it holds very little interest for me.

You are right in that the romantic time did work out ok which probably is why I was a lot more patient with him on the island.  Also we spent the first 1/2 of our vacation with my family at Disney (his family cancelled at the last minute), so I was prepared for him to be tired from not having much lazy time. And still the romantic time was good, so I was certainly willing to bend on the resting time for him.  It is one of the reasons the island was planned in the first place, but the continuous pushing for more when he should have realized I wasn't really enjoying it at all by the end, really made me angry.

It is like if you went away with your husband for a big anniversary (it was 10 years for us) and every day he wanted to watch ballgame playoffs.  That really wouldn't work so well with football since it is more weekends only, but say if it were some of those 7 series in a row for several teams baseball games that drove you crazy.  And it was EVERY DAY.  Of course it is his vacation too, but you do expect to be taken more into consideration than that!  Then how would you feel if at the end after you finally snapped and said you thought this was inconsiderate, if he told you that since you'd been so nice about the ball games, he assumed you must have really been enjoying them too?  Even though you have been clear for you entire marriage about how you feel about it?

We are trying something different this year.  I am going down for vacation 5 days early with my mom and nephew (it is his turn for an alone trip to Disney), and than hubby and my sister and another couple fly in on Friday night for a week's vacation together.  Maybe I will get some of the running around out of my system and we'll be more balanced for our week together.  We'll see.....We have a week planned in February for just the two of us, so I guess we'll see how this goes and if we need to adjust something.

I find in general when it is just the two of us, everything goes well.  When it is us and other couples, most goes well but romantic time suffers sometimes which we have discussed is not ok with me.  When it is just us and either my or his family, he gets lazy and acts like a slug generally cause other family members are doing that too.  Not ok with me, so he is either going to have to adjust that or we'll stop going with family.

Sleep and ADD

Have you or your husband ever considered that he might have narcolepsy?  It is really unusual for a person to sleep as much as your husband sleeps.  My son was recently diagnosed with ADD.  I thought he slept so much because he was stressed about the problems that exist because of his ADD. I took him to a neurologist who suggested that I take him to a sleep center for a daytime sleep study. (He had previously had a night time sleep study. The doctor said he had a very, very mild case of sleep apnea.  No treatment was recommended.)  The results of a daytime sleep study revealed that he had Narcolepsy.  The diagnosis explained so much...why he sleep at inappropriate times.  It was as if he was compelled to sleep. This is the way he described it to me.  He felt vindicated after the diagnosis.  He said that people thought he was lazy and unmotivated, but this was so far from the truth.  He was exhausted.  Getting the diagnosis helped me to understand my son and to provide the support and understanding that he so desperately needed.   

reply to 'That one sounds like me.."

 

(I meant to reply to this post instead of the one following.)

Have you or your husband ever considered that he might have narcolepsy?  It is really unusual for a person to sleep as much as your husband sleeps.  My son was recently diagnosed with ADD.  I thought he slept so much because he was stressed about the problems that exist because of his ADD. I took him to a neurologist who suggested that I take him to a sleep center for a daytime sleep study. (He had previously had a night time sleep study. The doctor said he had a very, very mild case of sleep apnea.  No treatment was recommended.)  The results of a daytime sleep study revealed that he had Narcolepsy.  The diagnosis explained so much...why he sleep at inappropriate times.  It was as if he was compelled to sleep. This is the way he described it to me.  He felt vindicated after the diagnosis.  He said that people thought he was lazy and unmotivated, but this was so far from the truth.  He was exhausted.  Getting the diagnosis helped me to understand my son and to provide the support and understanding that he so desperately needed.

Thanks for your post

My husband has had a sleep study and it revealed no sleep issues.  I still wonder though because he doesn't ever seem to be fully rested.   The truth is as far as his regular sleep schedule, he feels he doesn't sleep quite enough for him (proabably gets an average of about 7 hours)....would be enough for me, but he is definitely one of those who requires 8-9 hours verses my 6.  He also works late nights/early mornings so his quality of regular sleep isn't probably as good as it could be.

I personally hate sleeping, that doesn't mean I think he should hate it or not feel the need to 'catch up', but I am not ok with the amount of catching up that he wants to do when we are on vacation. 

So little sleep...

First, I would like to disabuse you of the idea that your significant other can get by on 5 hours of sleep a night. Or, let me put it this way - the research on sleep CLEARLY shows that adults who are getting less than 8 hours of sleep are not functioning at optimal capacity EVEN IF THEY THINK THEY ARE.  So perhaps I should say that your partner CAN sleep 5 hours a night, but would be better off if he slept more.

If you are always tired, you simply need more sleep - stand up for yourself in this because not only will it help you be less tired, but it will also significantly help you with your ADHD symptoms.  You sort of note that in your post - when you say that you can be too tired to do something right.

I used to to need 9 hours of sleep a night to even survive.  That sucked from the standpoint of it took a lot of time out of my "day" but if I didn't get it...watch out!  I simply learned to ignore other's comments about "I can't believe you go to bed at 9:30" figuring that I needed to respond to my body.  You need to respond to your body, too.  Be PROUD of the fact that you are aware enough to listen to it (unlike your partner, it seems) and then DO listen!

I wonder if there is a little bit of gender bias going on, too???  It seems as if the folks that you mentioned who took naps in your family were men?  Anyway, you are your unique individual self.  Don't let others cow you into not being your best (which is what they do when they 'guilt' you out of taking a nap.

Here's another way to think about it - try doing something well when you are in a mental fog.  It takes forever.  Then do something when you're not tired... What a difference!!!  You have energy, spirit, drive...better organization and less ADHD, too.  You deserve that.  Don't let others take it away from you.

Can you tell I feel strongly about this?  :-)

Thanks for your reply

I'd love to try to do something well while NOT in a mental fog....  I just have not been able to get enough sleep yet to do so.

I wish I could get to bed earlier - it all depends on 'getting to ready' before I go to bed.  Which means, putting things away, cleaning up after the whole family, FINDING everything I need for the next day...  that can take til 12:00 or 1am.  right now i'm struggling to prepare for 8 hours of teaching, in a place that's an hour away.  I am also supposed to clean and prepare for my BIL and his girlfriend to visit.

As you may imagine I am failing miserably at all of these things.  Can't find important papers for teaching, realizing I need to buy a shower curtain liner, no time....  need to make up the guest bed - have to wash sheets....  got a call from movers delivering some furniture from my parents house, need to find out if they can deliver tomorrow, need to schedule a photo shoot for next week and they need an answer NOW, need to find out  - oops!!! - now i've got to clean the pee off the couch because DD had another accident....

you get the picture....

gotta run!

Pbartender's picture

Lack of Sleep ~~ Being Drunk...

"Here's another way to think about it - try doing something well when you are in a mental fog.  It takes forever.  Then do something when you're not tired... What a difference!!!"

For the first seven years of my marriage, I worked a rotating shift.  A different shift every week...   Days, Evenings, Midnights and then 12-hour shifts on the weekends.

As a part of the job and shift work, we had to take a lot of training about lack of sleep.  Statistic and studies show that being drowsy is roughly equivalent to being drunk.  It affects your decision making, your attention, your focus, your motor skills, and your ability to control emotional response.

For safety's sake, if nothing else, get enough sleep.

 

Pb.

sleep

But it can't be entirely normal all the time. For instance, today, my husband (who works from home) took his daily nap from 1-2. Then after work, he went to bed at 6:30pm, saying he was taking a nap. It's midnight and he's still sleeping. He'll probably wake up at 1 or 2 and then stay up for most of the night. Or maybe not. I've seen him sleep 15 hours in a day. He says nothing is wrong and medically he seems fine. It's been this way for as long as I've known him, before and after medication. His mother says he always needed more sleep than other people. He slept his way through 11th grade and had to repeat it, but his parents never thought anything was wrong besides "mono." (That is a story for another day).

It's very difficult to deal with, combined with all the other adhd stuff. I thought when he started medication (finally!) about 6 months ago, that things would be better. And they were, for a short time. But now it's back to the way things were before. Even though I know it's doesn't have much to do with me, it hurts me and makes me feel like he doesn't want to be with me. Whenever we've discussed it, he says that is not the case. 

My sweet SO has been

My sweet SO has been diagnosed - twice now - with delayed phase sleep disorder.  There isn't much to be done about it, although he's luckily already in a profession that works well with his hours.  The difficulty is that solutions to "shift" his sleep up a couple hours to bring it just a little more in line with the general human populace require diligence and consistency (see the problem?).

One solution is to don special blue-wavelength-blocking glasses once the sun goes down so the brain is "tricked" into thinking it's in the dark (blue light is what your brain relies on to set its internal clock).  That way, you can still watch TV and go about your night with the lights on, but your brain is beginning to produce melatonin and telling you it's time to sleep after a few hours.  The problem with this is that you must put on the glasses and not remove them AT ALL until you're in bed with the lights out.  Not once, not a little bit, not if you're only looking at your phone screen in a dark room, not at all.  AND you have to wear them consistently every day to get your body clock to reset.  One night isn't going to change anything.  So of course my dear SO doesn't and gets crappy sleep all the time and is constantly exhausted and ADHD-y.  It's a vicious cycle.  The ADHD hinders his ability to address the sleep problem, which augments his ADHD.  He complains all the time about his problems, but it can be frustrating to listen to as he doesn't put real effort into fixing them.

In fairness, he does have drugs (after endless nagging, he got them) which he does take.  They make it hard for him to sleep, but they help him while he is awake, and he has a hard time sleeping anyway.  I guess what I wanted to say is that yes, the sleep disorder and ADHD are definitely comorbid in my SO's case and they both exacerbate each other.  Also, unfortunately, finding out you have a sleep problem on your hands is not the same thing as solving that problem. :(