I apologize for the following rant of an ADHDer, but I just wanted to get this out there. . . . .
I realize that living with us is no picnic to say the least, but for me, it gets tiring to be blamed for EVERYTHING no matter the proof or lack of it and feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. Case in point - as ADHDers, we have a crappy memory, I get that. But whenever there's a dispute of he said, he didn't say, I ALWAYS come out on the losing end. There have been times that I KNOW I've told my SO things, appointments, etc, and she either forgets, doesn't remember, etc, but it is MY fault because she "knows" I didn't tell her, and don't DARE dispute it because "who's the one with the better memory?" There was even a time that I had my kid come to me later and tell me "I DID hear you tell her X, dad." Well, I'm not about to drag my kid into our arguments, but it WAS validating to hear that I wasn't going mad.
Then there was the time that my wife was about to tell me something, but if I didn't write it down, I'd forget it. So I politely told her to hold that thought while I get my notebook . . .after glancing at where it should be and not finding it, I looked for any pad, and not finding one, get the back of an envelope which I would use to transcribe to my notebook later - a process that took literally less that 30 seconds. Apparently that was too long for my impatient wife who went off in a huff and said "FORGET IT, the moment passed." However, I KNOW that if I didn't write it down, it would be just as good as lost, and she would make some snide comment about that - so I'm damned if I do, sure as heck damned if I don't. . . . when I told her that I just needed to write it down, apparently just telling her was trying to start an argument in her book, and I should not be defensive. . . . .
I feel that no matter what I do, I can never make her happy because EVERYTHING I do torques her off. To her, I'm the one who needs fixing, I'm the one who "makes" her act angry all the time, I'm the one who ALWAYS starts arguments, I'm the one who's defensive if I try and explain myself, I'm the one who seems to have some sort of conspiratorial grand scheme to get back at her when I'm angry, I'm ALWAYS the childish one, I NEVER try and do anything romantic anymore (however, see the title of my post for why), I'm the one with ADHD so therefore any of my arguments are invalid, I'm the one with ADHD so ANY perspective or perception I have is wrong and hers is ALWAYS correct, I'm the one with ADHD so therefore I'm the narcissist, she doesn't have ADHD so therefore any response of hers is the adult one and mine never are, I'm the one with ADHD and she's not so she deserves allowances if she makes mistakes, but I've already worn out any patience so I have no more allowances, she's not the one with ADHD and I am so she MUST have the patience of a saint to have to deal with all of my issues for all these years and I just have to lump it if she loses patience, I'm the one with ADHD and she isn't and she doesn't know anyone who would have put up with my crap for all of these years, I'm the one with ADHD so therefore I'm NEVER dependable, I'm the one with ADHD so therefore I never had any business getting married due to all f the stress I create (same with any ADHDer), I'm the one with ADHD so it is always MY fault when any of the holidays, birthdays, vacations, etc are "ruined", I'm the one with ADHD so therefore I'm responsible for her mental state and panic attacks and if I didn't have ADHD or if she never met me, life would be just normal.
I don't mean to paint her as some sort of evil witch that I should leave due to her attitude - I do love her, it is just that this is how I feel at this time, and I'm damn tired of it and I needed to do an emotion dump that was way overdue. I hate all of the arguments that we have and feeling like I'm blamed for EVERYTHING. Thanks for anyone who made it this far in my rant . . .