Negotiation and Setting Boundaries

Non-ADHD partners end up feeling more resentful when they work on their relationship without input or engagement from an ADHD spouse.

Couples often have trouble agreeing on whether or not a partner is having an emotional affair.  Here's how to figure it out.

When I work with couples impacted by ADHD I often see an unintentional bias towards using the label of ADHD as a negative descriptor, rather than as a medical term that enables treatment and describes a particular way of being.  This negative labeling - used by both partners - hurts relationships. as it may lead to blaming the ADHD partner for ALL relationships issues, while providing too easy an out for non-ADHD partners who also play a role in relationship issues.

Statistics about how many couples are impacted by one or more emotional or physical affairs are hard to believe, for obvious reasons, not least of which is that estimates vary so widely.  They range from 20-60% of men and 20-40% of women having an affair at some point in their relationship.  No matter the exact number, the bottom line is that a large number of couples experience this form of betrayal at some point in their partnership, often after that affair has been going on for a while. 

Staying organized enough to take care of parents and family members can add a lot of pressure to your life.  One woman with ADD recently reached out for advice:

Forgiveness take time and effort, but with these eight steps you can forgive even the biggest transgressions.

A woman with ADHD asks for more support here for those who have this special kind of mind…and I agree.  But taking the negativity private isn’t the only way to go.

I posted recently about bed times and got several questions about how to get bedtimes aligned better.  I work with couples on this issue with great regularity - those with ADHD often go to bed late, while exhausted non-ADHD partners often go to bed early.  Couples miss out on good time to connect when they hit the bedroom at different times.  Here are some ideas to help:

I recently heard from a couple with several children, one of whom has ADHD.  The husband also has ADHD and is struggling to get his symptoms under control.  He rarely follows up on what he promises to do, which is driving his wife crazy.  She is responding with typical parent/child dynamics - taking over everything he isn't doing, and getting on his case about his failures in angry and belittling ways.  In this context, the husband asked the question "Should we tell our kids about my ADHD?  My wife is concerned that she is always coming across as the bad guy, rather than me."  Hold up there!  Let's discuss both the question and the answer!

Why do partners struggle so much with porn use?  What's the big deal?  This article provides my observations based upon working with couples faced with this issue.

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