I cannot tell you how often I have had a non-ADHD partner contact me and say something such as “I have a partner with ADHD who is also a narcissist.” Sometimes, a therapist (who usually doesn’t know much about ADHD, once I probe) has suggested this, as well. Though your partner seems self-absorbed, it is likely not narcissism, and with the right approach it usually CAN be addressed within your relationship.
Trying to avoid feelings of shame is only human, but when it comes to adult ADHD, gentle engagement with raw areas can lead to significant gains. But how to do that, when shame feels so bad? These ideas, provided by adults with ADHD, can help both ADHD partners and non-ADHD partners.
ADHD adults often carry a lot of hurt and shame with them. Learn what these shame triggers are and you can significantly improve your interactions. A recent conversation with five adults with ADHD and their partners highlights some of the issues.
The idea behind the conversation was to identify triggers that frequently led to feelings of shame for ADHD partners. Here are a few: