Trying to avoid feelings of shame is only human, but when it comes to adult ADHD, gentle engagement with raw areas can lead to significant gains. But how to do that, when shame feels so bad? These ideas, provided by adults with ADHD, can help both ADHD partners and non-ADHD partners.
ADHD adults often carry a lot of hurt and shame with them. Learn what these shame triggers are and you can significantly improve your interactions. A recent conversation with five adults with ADHD and their partners highlights some of the issues.
Some days you just don’t have the energy to cope with your partner’s ADHD symptoms any more. What can you do? Here are nine tips to help you survive…
Keep your cool. Blowing up will only hurt, compounding your image as a nag or unreasonable spouse. This is not in your best interest, as it allows your partner to write you off rather than remain respectful. So, instead of getting angry, let the issue (whatever it was)“slide past” you when you just don’t have the energy to deal with it calmly right then.
I’m spending quite a bit of time these days thinking about how to get men with ADHD to realize that their ADHD affects those around them more than they think. At least two men I can think of who have ADHD say they wish someone (other than their wives) had “hit them upside the head” with information that would convince them that their ADHD was causing real problems. They could have saved themselves divorce (in both cases), many personal problems and saved their wives a great deal of hurt. So here’s one attempt at doing just that – providing an outside voice that says “pay attention”. I
While my husband reads most of the posts on this site as the administrator, he rarely weighs in. But yesterday he posted some heartfelt – and very wise - advice to a man with ADD whose wife is leaving him because she can’t take it anymore. George’s perspective as a previously badly behaving man with ADD who has successfully changed his life is worth sharing. Here’s what he says:
I often hear the comment that non-ADHD spouses need to lower their expectations in order to be happy in their relationships. I would disagree. I think that all spouses need to improve their expectations. Let me explain my thinking, and how this might work in the real world.