When I talk about lying problems in relationships, I'm not just talking about partners with ADHD. Either partner can lie...and lies also exist in relationships in which there is no ADHD. But there are some ways that the presence of ADHD increases the chances that one or the other partner will lie. To be able to chart the best course to move away from lying in your own relationship, you must first understand why the lying is happening. Choosing to lie is a decision that is made – not typically a beneficial one for a relationship, but often a logical one at some level. Understanding the logic really helps. There are at least 7 common reasons partners choose to lie, which include:
Is lying a part of your relationship? Are you eager to move past the lies to a more trusting partnership? This is the first of several posts that will deal with lies and rebuilding trust in relationships impacted by ADHD.
Your mindset can make all the difference when you are in a relationship with an ADHD partner.
I want to share a note from the spouse of an ADHD partner who, after discovering ADHD was a factor in his crumbling marriage, decided to try to be more open to his wife's 'way of being' and experiences. I was moved by the shift in his attitude:
ADHD, like so many things that people go through, exists on a continuum from more intense to less intense, and in addition, there are different types. There are those who are Inattentive (and may appear to be spacey), and those who are hyperactive/ impulsive, and those who are both at the same time. No two individuals with ADHD show up the same way.