Over 15 years ago, when I was feeling unhappy in my relationship, my husband asked me what the chore he should take over. To his surprise, I said ‘do the dishes!!!’ Turns out, I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sharing dish duties turns out to be really important to a whole lot of women.
When is it nagging and when is it reminding? For non-ADHD partners, it can be hard to figure out whether - or how - to remind a partner of something that needs to get done. Here are some ideas about where to draw the line.
The August 8th cover story of Time Magazine was entitled "Chore Wars" with the subhead "Let it go. Make peace. Men and women, it turns out, work the same amount." But like divorce statistics that are much more illuminating when parsed by cohort (ex: couples who married young are more likely to divorce than those with college degrees who married later) so, too, are chore war statistics.
What happens when an ADHD partner takes responsibility for ADHD issues, but still struggles to make things go smoothly? Here's a good example of the process that couples go through to find a balance that can work for them.
It is with some humor that I say that a very sensitive area of conflict for many couples is driving. Most commonly, the conflict centers around the poor driving habits of an ADHD spouse (and why they can't/won't change them) and who is going to drive when. There is more here than meets the eye, though, so I thought I would explore it a bit. If you have conflicts over driving, read on!