Conflicts Around Household Tasks

Help! My House Looks Like a Hurricane Went Through!

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 06/05/2017.

You don't have to have stuff everywhere just because one or more of you has ADHD!

Why it's Important to Explain Your Anxiety

Submitted by Katie in ADHDland on 05/01/2017.

About 50 percent of adults with ADHD suffer from an anxiety disorder. Here's the story of how Katie came to grips with hers. 

What's the Difference Between Reminding and Nagging?

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 04/09/2014.

When is it nagging and when is it reminding?  For non-ADHD partners, it can be hard to figure out whether - or how - to remind a partner of something that needs to get done.  Here are some ideas about where to draw the line.

A Quick Guide to Taming ADHD Clutter at Home

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 03/13/2014.

Coming home to an ADHD partner's mess can raise the stress levels at home, encourage long-term resentment, and ruin your sex life.  Here's how to clear up the clutter fast.

Time Cover Story Misses ADHD Cohort

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/07/2011.

The August 8th cover story of Time Magazine was entitled "Chore Wars" with the subhead "Let it go.  Make peace.  Men and women, it turns out, work the same amount."  But like divorce statistics that are much more illuminating when parsed by cohort (ex: couples who married young are more likely to divorce than those with college degrees who married later) so, too, are chore war statistics.

ADHD & Marriage: When Doing "Well Enough" Can Help

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 01/03/2010.

What happens when an ADHD partner takes responsibility for ADHD issues, but still struggles to make things go smoothly?  Here's a good example of the process that couples go through to find a balance that can work for them.

ADHD Partners - Driving Without Driving Each Other Crazy

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 12/02/2009.

It is with some humor that I say that a very sensitive area of conflict for many couples is driving.  Most commonly, the conflict centers around the poor driving habits of an ADHD spouse (and why they can't/won't change them) and who is going to drive when.  There is more here than meets the eye, though, so I thought I would explore it a bit.  If you have conflicts over driving, read on!

Getting Chores Better Distributed through the Family

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 06/01/2009.

It’s awful to feel as if you are the only one who is doing chores around your household – not to mention exhausting.  It can also literally destroy a marriage.  The resentment that builds up around household chore distribution easily seeps into all areas of the relationship.  Many report here that they try to get their spouse to help out, but to no avail.  I think that this area is too important to give up on, so would propose a couple of ideas for attacking this issue.

Attacking Inconsistency of Focus in ADD Marriages

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 04/07/2009.

Are you angry that your ADD spouse is able to focus on something of great interest to him, and not to anything you want him to do (like the dishes, or childcare)?  If so, you would not be alone.  I’ve been reading a whole series of forum posts lately on this topic by women who are really frustrated by lack of attention to chores and to them.  I would like to address it, because I think the conversations are missing some important points.

Here’s what the forum writers are complaining about:

ADHD Marriage - I'm "Tired Out"

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 10/03/2007.

We received this question from a reader:

"How can an ADHD affected spouse get a job and hold it to earn a living if he cannot find his keys/wallet/cellphone etc? How can a spouse NOT be tired out by repeated same scenarios of disorder and chaos repeatedly discussed and never changing?"

These are questions that cut to the heart of the long-term ADHD relationship.  I would like to address the non-ADHD spouse first, then circle back to the ADHD spouse.

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