Ex husband of 22 years had his severe inattentive ADHD diagnosis five years ago and I had oldest child evaluated immediately, they have it too but moderately.
Now middle child at 16 has had a year of sleeping excessively, troublingly quiet, constantly tired, over 60% absence from school this fall due to viral infections. Although reassuring me for a year that they’re fine and don’t need anything, today as we had a private afternoon they revealed they’re overwhelmed by bus ride and high school. They are academically gifted and have a lot of good friends, but it turns out they are confused and regularly cry from exhaustion during the school day. They turn down any invitation from their friends for excursions in town after school, needing to get home immediately. They plug their ears on the bus because they can’t filter sound.
It hurts, because I spent my high school years in the very same part of town, exploring museums, cafés, theatres, stores with friends, besides extracurriculars. I was a mind wide open. I don’t remember ever being tired.
So now it seems two of my three kids are afffected by inattentive ADHD. Apparently it often shows itself during adolescence.
They live mostly with their father since September. They say there’s no time in the evenings to talk about their struggles. Today I happened to see their father from my car, as he was walking home. He looked a wreck. He doesn’t communicate anything to me, but last I heard he couldn’t have any conversations after 7 pm when medication wore off. He also couldn’t initiate dinner.
I’ll immediately insist on evaluation and support for our 16 year old. I had already planned a doctor’s appointment because I suspected psychosomatic illness somehow. Now I’m quite sure it’s ADHD. In a way, it’s a relief to have an explanation to why I haven’t been able to understand my child lately, or perhaps ever. They probably have another mind I can’t relate to. Possibly they choose to live with their father because he can understand them and I can’t. It breaks my heart.
Thankfully, our 18 year old who’s had treatment for four years now is doing well, and is able both to take initiatives, manage school and seems happy. Diagnosis in time, before burnout, seems terribly important. If their father had had his in the 90’s, we would probably still be happily married.
