Toxic

ADHD & Marriage News - May 8, 2024

Quote of the Week

“Negativity is a toxin…and put downs are negative statements. They say ‘you are not okay the way you are.’ The job for all human beings is to be safe for others. You can’t make the other person the problem for your experience.”

- Harville Hendrix

I hear a lot of negativity about partners in my work. I get it – many of you are in incredibly stressful situations in your relationship. But Hendrix’s idea that ‘The job for all human beings is to be safe for others’ has the potential to be a simple and powerful north star for guiding one’s own behaviors towards everyone, but particularly our spouses.

What might this look like? Here are some examples:

A partner with ADHD starts medications to manage her volatility and stop throwing things at her partner when she’s angry
An angry non-ADHD partner chooses to wait until both partners are calm to express her concerns, rather than join in her partner’s angry tirade
A distracted partner works with a coach to find the energy and skillset to be more attentive to a partner who has expressed they feel lonely
A non-ADHD partner in ‘parenting mode’ waits until she sees a pattern of behaviors that concern her before speaking calmly with her ADHD wife, rather than critique each issue as it comes up

I have suggested a similar idea in my seminar – ask yourself ‘how can I be kind?’ when addressing your partner.

However you choose to proceed, it’s clear that there is no real room for put downs and negativity in healthy relationships. Could you do better on this front?

ONGOING:

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Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD

SEMINARS, GROUPS:

ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My premier, highly acclaimed 9-session zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next LIVE seminar will start in Fall 2024.

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FREE RESOURCES:

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD;

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;

Referrals

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